Thursday, December 31, 2009

heheee funni
whos pulling all the strings
"announcing concept of a new world order "

i hope plenty of ppl watched jesse ventura lastnite = confirmed what ive been hollering for years now,,THEY WANT 2/3RDs DEAD from the population today

i hope ppl watch and listen and believe it

Some of us have known this stuff for years already.
It is better to look ahead and prepare than to look back and regret.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Blue moon to shine on New Year's Eve

im a prepper,,i found a artical that decribes what I AM! a "prepper" meaning prepairing for whatever (doomsday,amagedon,2012,martial law,and so on)
i have large containers in the basement filled with water and dated, i added one drop of bleach to every gallon of water then squeezed the air out for purity.. also i think its smart to have supplys stashed ,,like blankets matches medicine alchohol peroxide,candels,canned food, fillet knives for protection, and other things...
ive prepaired a place in the basement for an emergency also have akennel down there for the cats (just in case)

You are a Prepper if you are

1.a person who grows and /or stores food, water, and other supplies in preparation for disasters of all types, i.e., economic collapse, hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes etc..
2.a patriot who is against Fascism, Communism, National Socialism, Globalism, and Totalitarianism, and believes that these types of governments lead to oppression and death of innocent people, thus the need to prepare for survival.
3.a member of a Prepper Network

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


its very very cold here and i hate it -
i have been feeling extremly surreal lately,,everything seems weird or unreal , my own face seems strange when i look in the mirror.
i dont know why or what to do about it other then just go with the flow.
im looking at EVERYTHING and its ALL so strange to me, i almost feel like im in a dream and need to wake up -been like this for days and days now and its very very strange.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Friday 12.25.09

Blizzard Warning Ends, Leaves NE Okla.
Blanketed ~Tulsa - The storm that prompted a
blizzard warning for all of green country has dissipated, leaving behind several inches of snow just in time for Christmas Day.
makes it hard to move when its this cold.i wear myself out trying to stay warm .
i cannot believe i once lived in minnesota & liked it.
now i freze out at anything below 60 degrees

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

today is wed , its almost christmas eve
i am not doing any thing for Xmas,, or shall i say going any where or buying any thing for anyone

i did something alittle drastic last nite,,i got all my hair cut off and im GLAD!
today its warm outside and we r getting ready to have winter storm blow thru,,i will believe it when i see it tho
a famous saying:
if you dont like the weather here in oklahoma,,,,just wait a minuet.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

this cute lil kitten named star

ifinished this painting and tried to scan it ( doesnt look that good via scan)
well,,im sending this to my mom, its called " windy "
and it could be better but i just got impatient as usual.
something is happening to me,,i feel like im seeing things for the first time and i DONT LIKE IT,,i am super Unhappy and hard to fake it any more. WHY is this happening to me,,i just want to go to sleep and stay that way,,i dont want to wake up ever!
my soul is bothered and im not happy with where i am anymore,,and whats been going on,,im rotting away and noone can help. im slipping into a deep place and i am afraid i will not pull out of it this time,,i feel like just going to sleep, or going to another place another world, where people are kind and true and you dont need to be young and pretty to survive. its all fading away and i cant imagine where all this is going other then down down down into that pit - shit- i wish i could just be happy and secure but fact is,,im sinking and noone can help me.
i have no energy,,i cant think straight and i am just existing ,,im not living.just weird as hell,,,i mean i feel WEIRD!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

this show is really pretty good
learned a new word today:AristocracyAristocracy is a form of government, in which a few of the most prominent citizens rule.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

how i feel today

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

NOTE to self: learn more about this penal gland.
im soo frantic or manic ..i am taking the new drug called vistariel,,its OK but i could use a valium really-
i panic while driving,(like i took a wrong turn or something)
i panic just thinkin bout talking to anyone \
my heart is pounding like crazy and i bought some cigerettes thinkin it mite help.
nope,,still crazy nervous and cigs are not helping.
Yesterday i mised the appt i had out at "shaddy park" sandypark clinic,,due to me getting lost on the west side of town,,its crazy roads are all blocked and under construction
then i went today to F and C but amuy moore is out with the stomach virus sooo...nothing has been done and its all still up in the air for now.
more details later when i can think straight..........
*took abunch of stuff to the salvation army for donations..thats a good thing.

its soooooooo cold today it hurts to be out side. Oh and the chem-trails are ouuta control in the morning sky
so they were spraying while it was still dark out ,how sinister!
im completly unable to comunicate or even loomk at people now

Monday, December 14, 2009

i feel extremely nervous and everything is stressing me out
i am noticing everything ..
this new drug is called vistireil and it works ok and no side effects that i have noticed.
i have to make it out to dr whitt's today at 1.30 pm,,BUT the car is acting weird again,, it studders and thebreaks are about gone..but im going anyways. if i break down,,i break down.
this week will be buzy for me, i have appts all thru out this week with family and childerns.
i have a sinus infection i believe..and i hav e to explain why im not filling the methotrexate prescription - i have to talk to dr whitt...i need to have her understand what the heck is going on. otherwise she just thinks im being uncooperitive and refuse medicine......
heres whats weird,,even if everything was normal now,,i still find a resistance on the methotrexate --im very very scared of this drug and would rahter be wiht RA then on that shit,,its CHEMOTHERAPY and i cant handel how i feel on it- it makes me soo sick for 2 weeks while starting it --it is so strong and its creepy nd i8 dont want to take it,,why am i being
labeled " uncooperitive "for not wanting to indulge in a drug that ive already spent along time on and all it did was make me sick ,,i cant handel my options,,im screwed on either side,,
either i take the metho and be sick ,,or i dont take and get attacked by jhust screwed and it stresses me out just thinkin about it,,i wonder if anyone else has bad time taking metho,,im google- ing that right now.
results :
I got sick just reading your post....bless your heart...I was just taken off body couldn't handle it. So be careful and WATCH any and EVERY side effect that you may encounter and make them listen to you. Take care.....

for me,,i felt nausea,sensitive to any and all light sick wiht just a bad feeling for days,,only one day of the week was OK and i dont think it out weighs the hassel to take it...

Friday, December 11, 2009

havent been here at the computer 4 awhile..things were outta control and i had no energy to deal with anything other then survival.
im on this roller coaster ride and ive been trying get off of it.i just about crossed the thresh-hold of leaving and never coming back.
things got outta control and no matter what i tried,,nothing worked
and it sent me in to a manic state for days and days i was spinning.
i couldn't organize any of my thoughts -
i know i cant make any hard core decisions until my mind sees the truth and understands the truth, i feel like im now on that path.hoping.
i ended up back at family and children's services and accepted the diagnose and the drug,,anxiety drug for my manic state...its called vistareil and it is GREAT for me,,it does work and its none addictive and with out too many side effects.
i had my appt on Tuesday with Amy,,my case wrkr -- we composed a letter together with all my information and its to be signed by the doctor(shrink) and submitted to the SSDI- powers- that- be. this is a good thing and i feel like its the last effort we have for winning my case.
i lost ANOTHER tooth outta my mouth. lemme explain...
dentist Xrays show complete deterioration of my jaw bones,,so the teeth are wiggling and loose..i have no support and even tho im easy on my mouth i still lost a tooth from eating a cup of soup and crackers ... the tooth was a 1000.00 crown and post that when this wiggling tooth popped out - it had a peg on the bottom,,i didnt know it was a crown and peg,,i see now its gold under porcelain - so this is the Fourth tooth that has fallen out(im just horrified)
there is no help for my teeth until i get approved for medi-cade
also my feet are under attack (toes keep rolling and not staying in the joint..i keep loosing my babytoes,,they fall right outta the socket..they may need to be amputated ,,ohMYGOD how could this be happening to me and what does it all mean.
as far as home life,,its all sureal ,,i have calmed down and im not manic now,,but im on the razors edge and just a little bit of pressure will set me off.
this depression is deep and i need help.
i cant go in front of anyone,,or dont wanna mingle with anyone - im so embarrassed about my state OF BEING AND HOW IM FALLING APART PHYSICALLY.. ITS ALL SO SCARY
i drempt that i was running from fire last nite,,and someone was chasing me thru the country side - and fire would come up from the ground and blow towards me,,i had to run like hell and then i saw a man walk into a bath tub and he disappeared,,i saw then that it was a trap/ secret door at the bottom of this ball/claw tub - it took him under ground,,i tried to follow but i woke up then.
i felt so weird when i woke up - i gotta look that up to see what it means.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

i see that
this road im on is about to come to a deadend.
it happened again..this morning
she just went off and continued to grill me,, what the fuck is going on here
why do i not know this person at all,why is there a issue,i am sooooooooooo
cunfussed about this
infact its all soo weird and surreal
so again the cats are afrraid and ran to hide as soon as her voice was yelling and
i just looked at her and walked outta the room,
i came to the front to breath,and here comes the yelling
i need to think and to understand and i cant -- i dont understand any of this and why is this happening
what all did i hear her say ??
1 i am crazy
2 shes sick of my negitivity
3 i didnt get her tampons(she said dont,now im in trouble for it)
4 i honestly cant even think of what she said cuz none of it is any good
wheni write it down it seems frivolus and un important, but to live thru it its awful and heavy and very crule. i am not5 understanding this at all
very crule very cold
im not about to say anything tho because it doesnt do any good - i have all this in my heart and its not helping me at all,,i have all of it right here
in my heart and my heart is broken.

Friday, December 04, 2009

what is
IWALWTWS please advise asap,,,thank you sooo kindly for the kind message again, please,, thank you very very much
( looking pretty bad these days )
thank you for the comment, anonymous =
As Eve LaPlante discusses in her book, Seized, the intense emotions, sensory experience including vibrancy of colors, and particular mental state provoked by temporal lobe abnormalities may have contributed to the creation of significant works of art. A number of well-known writers and artists are known, or in many cases suspected to have had temporal lobe epilepsy.........
TLE is very very serious thing and i see sooo many ppl with such terrible conditions and i think im lucky that i "only" have RA, BUT you know what?? its all B-A-D and its all life stealing
i used to have a life,,i used to laff and enjoy people,,now im scared to be around anyone - i cant come to terms with whats happening to me..i cant because my foundation is not stable and how can i build my "house" when my foundation is so shakey?
ive been realllly very heart broken and depressed / last nite i was just doing all the regular things when kell snapped again and i just could not bear hearing how i am not doing what she wants / she gets so damn mad at me and just yells and im... i dont know...
i try so hard and its never good enuff.
i am sinking into a deep depression. i couldnt sleep last nite. i havent called my mom all week because im so depressed and feel like i dont have anything good to say. i dont wanna gripe -hell, i dont wanna even think of anything bad or negitive
kell is miserible at the job and doesnt like going to work at all.
i want a job so bad, somethnig that i dont have to get all cleaned up and wear high heels
because i cant do it - unfortunatly my knees and feet are going thru RA badly the past few months. they hurt always. but i dont complain about it so people just act like i cant run all over the city and do everything all damn day long ...every single step on my feet hurt .
i was on 15 mg prednisone (as per the doctor who is NOT a rheumaologist)to stop it,, but i could not sleep or even think straight so i just cut it back to ten mg days ago,,,then ,, then today im starting back on 5 mg - i cant handle this prednisone at all..
i had an appt over at the family and childrens services,with a case manager named amy and shes nice,,, young tho - but smart. not patronizing thank god ...
i was just discussing my situation and i just became unglued by talking about it....
i started to just let it all out but i didnt make any sense- told her i cant keep on going like this and im just about 2 inches away from really going INSAne.
i told her im very mad now and upset because ... because nothing makes any sense to me any more,ive been living in a superficial world and now,,now everything is showing itself to how there really is no such thing as LOVE and how we may be living a lie BY thinking its all going to be ok but its not,and nothing really matters-i dont even know why im alive and what good i am doing except hogging up air? ive lost my faith in jesus and in all that religious stuff is a lie...there is no life after death, isthere? no,,i dontthink so,,i think life is a crule joke.
basicly i think "i am my job" and i have no job, so im nothing.period.
ive lost who i am and i cant find me anywhere... i am having a hard time with everything,i just hate looking into ther mirror ,,i dont like what i see... i got really old all of a sudden. my hair is awful. my face is awful and i dont know how anyone could ever love me..its like im old and worthless my personality has changed and my opionins have changed.
i dont have any sense of humor anymore- who the hell am I??
OK.. ok.. ok so this is how ive been feeling inside.
questioning my life value , and other huge questions like" is there a God? "
my little halfsister kelly biwer in minnesota had a baby girl ,and none even told me -that just showed me how they have placed me into the "whatever" pile.
i feel numb and like i have a punch in the stomach. i just dont have a good feeling about any of it. i need someone to trust and to talk to -- someone who doesnt judge - someone who can understand how serious this all is to me

modern science catching up with ancient knowledge (planet X is comming back around to see us again)

Monday, November 30, 2009

from the year 2000 - i called it the "bic lighter" generation.
meaning , if its "out", just throw it away and buy another - replace everything including friends and other relationships. no one knows what longevity means anymore -
i have thought this from the year 2000 when i studied the behavior of everyday folks in everyday relationships and situations.
i saw this artical today and was releved to see that its a valid opinion and its the dang truth :
Our Lives Are Filled With Worthless Crap That's Destroying the Earth
Now nearly everything is produced in China and made to be discarded. According to a 2008 report by the Economic Policy Institute, the United States imported $320 billion in Chinese goods in 2007. In that year alone, this country imported $26.3 billion in apparel and accessories, $108.5 billion in computers and electronic products, and $15.3 billion in furniture and fixtures from China.
The manufacture, distribution and disposal of an ever-growing mountain of short-lived consumer goods has taken an enormous environmental toll. Annie Leonard’s website “The Story of Stuff,” which has garnered more than 7 million views in less than two years, has helped spread awareness of that cost far beyond the usual environmentalist circles.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

this is just hilarous November 06, 2009 WH's Gibbs Asked About New Series "V"

i have watched this show, and i gotta say, its really very well scripted and cast and played,,i enjoyed watching this UNLIKE the 1980s version , which i thought was tacky,,but hey,,everything in the eighties was tacky IMO

Monday, November 09, 2009

i am so allergied ouit,,ive got as head ache the size of texas,BUT id rather be like this then have the weather freezing cold, which is what will make my allergies calm down
the end .
this is the mandelbrot set,,google that if yer not sure what that is,,its truely amazing ... i love science

Saturday, November 07, 2009

im RA'd out, meaning when i woke up i (again as usual) could not walk,and my knees hurt-they r hot and swollen feet aer swollen and hands are swollen
i love this picute of lil star
cateracks are so bad i am almost blind now

Friday, November 06, 2009

ive got things setteled here for the time anyways, i am always working hard for that.
i have a sinus issue and ankels are swollen -hard to walk on my feet for days now,i called shaddy park,(docs office) and reported the fact that im swelling and fel heavy in my chest, my thighs and sides are really sore and i get faint-ish when ever i stand up (wonder if that has any thing to do w/my bloodpressure-its been high lately)

Monday, November 02, 2009

of all the things to stumble on to, jesh,,how weird :
Five months of torture
"4 They were commanded not to harm the grass of the earth, or any green thing, or any tree, but only those men who do not have the seal of God on their foreheads. 5 And they were not given authority to kill them, but to torment them for five months. Their torment was like the torment of a scorpion when it strikes a man. 6 In those days men will seek death and will not find it; they will desire to die, and death will flee from them." Rev 9:4-6

The demons will not hurt the crops of food or forests that were hurt during the first four trumpets. They will hurt people who have not been sealed by God. They will not be allowed to hurt God’s 144,000 servants because the 144,000 were sealed before the trumpets began to sound. There will be three categories of people on earth during the fifth trumpet:

1.Those who worship God and have been sealed, including the 144,000
2.Those who haven't decided whether to worship God or Satan
3.Those who worship Satan, believing that he is God
It is the second group of people that Satan and his angels will hurt. They will not be allowed to kill them but only to cause them intense physical and emotional suffering for five literal months. The agony will be so bad that people will wish to die, but they will not be able to die. Satan will offer to remove the pain if they will simply worship him. Most will comply.

Ready for war
"7 The shape of the locusts was like horses prepared for battle. On their heads were crowns of something like gold, and their faces were like the faces of men. 8 They had hair like women's hair, and their teeth were like lions' teeth. 9 And they had breastplates like breastplates of iron, and the sound of their wings was like the sound of chariots with many horses running into battle. 10 They had tails like scorpions, and there were stings in their tails. Their power was to hurt men five months." Rev 9:7-10

The locusts are a symbol for Satan and his angels. They will come prepared to fight but will have a beautiful and attractive appearance. Their armor will be strong like iron and they will be impervious to human weapons. People will not be able to hurt them but they will be able to hurt people for five months.

"11 And they had as king over them the angel of the bottomless pit, whose name in Hebrew is Abaddon, but in Greek he has the name Apollyon." Rev 9:11

Satan is the king over his angels. In Greek and Hebrew his name means destroyer.

"It's not what you look at that matters. It's what you see." - Henry David Thoreau.
so now its 10.40 am,,ive been worried and thinking and aksing myself,how can i be a better person? just how do i play this game? i can never recall communication and just floating thru any old day with so much trouble,and unable to even understand whats going on with everything?
is my mind playing tricks on me ? am i being over dramatic? whats wrong with me? what am i doing wrong,i want to know so i dont do it again or at least make a effort to be conciderate of anyone else and everyone else ... i dont want foolish ideas or thoughts,i want to be logical and understND whats whaT-- but i feel confussed and scared and like i have to do something,,but i dont know what.
im painting a picture of leaves and the wind. if i had a camera ,id post a sample but no camera.
i can put all of my heart into it and hope for the best - im using acrylic because i have soo many colors. im sitting out on the fro nt porch and enjoying the sun and nice weather we are having
(50 degree nites and 65 degree days) so i was here and its all quiet,, ive been without TV on during the days because i just dont want all those prescription and insurance commercials bombarding me any more,i can do with out any TV.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

wellhell,its my birthday aniversary today ansd i feel about twenty yrs old,,how the heck CAN I BE 48 TODAY?
i had to blog this cuz i am getting the red carpet toady .. im siting here reading aBOUT my favorite topic UFOs, from UFO blogger and then im reading about the science news from
SD site im happy today and not worried at all about how old im ,, im just worried about my skin,,its getting old and i see that the lines on my face are making me look old.... PHONE CALL

Thursday, October 01, 2009

i felt something weird or a bad vibe,and prayed to God for help. i then also prayed for the help and protection for all the living creatures of the world in harms way, help me lord to deal with the plight of poor helpless dogs and cats and children who are abandoned and left to fend for themselves. just so heartbreaking and it makes me cry. i guess im soft from seeing the animal commercial with dan akaroid - he talks about abused animals and wants a donation for the cause-just after thinking of the ppl who threw baby star out to the street in the pouring rain just got me in tears . so i prayed for help to deal with that -for the strength and for the power to help in some way. then Kelly called she said"i hate driving out to the warehouse"
because its out in the edge of town and kelly sees abandoned dogs and cats wandering helplessly- i thought it was very strange she should call me about the thing that was breaking my heart, well,,she said some dogs are out there and they r roaming and helpless, and she had to go,,i was disturbed and then she called right back, saying "guess what, the ppl at the warehouse are out calling the dogs and going to check the collars to call the owners for pick up" im so amazed that it played out that way,
,,i see that Jesus was speaking directly to me and what he said was ,,all things have their purpose and all things have their end. dont worrie about things soo far out of my control and know that the power of the universe and all the laws of nature will care for,and always has cared for,
the animals. Karma wil catch the ones guilty of terrorizing little animals down to the tiny-est of creatures
Russian professor says US will disintegrate in 2010
wow,,i wouldnt be surprised at all(gulp)

it seems like everyone has become so hateful now, i see it plain as day now-
customer service is extinct.
when you go into a store or doctor office or heck,anywhere,,just take a notice on how the ppl at the place act like you are bothering them from coming into a place to spend money, its B-A-D. infact, i have noticed how the younger generation starting into the workforce are completely deprived of any simple courtesy and of awareness of anything other then their own needs and wants - its a selfish society and it bothers me to the core. Kelly got new glasses,we went BACK to have them looked at because they just fall of her head when she looks down= she called to ask if they can look at that issue for her, I asked her if they even fitted them to her when she was there on the FIRST effort,NOPE,, no one looked at the way they fit or anything, they took her 200.00 dollars and sent her on her way KNOWING that she has NEVER had glasses before and she would not know fitting or not due to lack of experience with glasses- i was appalled when we walked in-a black girl working at the table just looked at us when we walked in,,she had a snotty look and acted like we were intruding on her for even walking in,,OMG!!!!!! i see this mentality is everywhere,,its the norm now,,its acceptable behaviour and i cant stomach it - im so sad that the culture has degraded to nothing and its ACCEPTABLE - its everywhere.
now then, im on to my next issue: H1N1 ,,, at first i thought it would fizzel out and all the hype was over done for fear tatics,now i see it spreading,,Kelly miller @ kellys job had it - i hear that all the employees are coughing &hacking all damn day long- its everywhere and spreading fast
i blame "PTB " for this to,,i KNOW it was a man made flu and let loose on purpose - its a planned outbreak and they want ppl to die and they want to make pharma money with the vaccine,
( that i refuse to take)its makeing ppl sick to get the shot,,ppl are getting h1n1 from the damn vaccine in canada ans australia and they r getting sicker then normal,its out of control and im scared of what its gonna look like in one month or two,,its looking like its NOT going to fizzel out afterall = very scary stuff here.
NEXT subject that is occuping my mind is the "world in trouble"
>MOTHER EARTH is PISSED & i cant blame her
earthquakes are popping up like crazy now,,CNN reports another quake over in the pacific
Samoan islands shaken by second quake
Huge rescue effort under way in Samoan islands amid fears death toll could rise
Story Highlights:
Samoan islands shaken by 2nd quake
Latest death toll from Tuesday's quake, tsunami stands at 139
Second quake -- magnitude 5.5 -- shook Samoan islands region Wednesday
Quake does not trigger a tsunami warning, Pacific Tsunami Warning Center says
LEONE, American Samoa (CNN) -- Another earthquake struck Wednesday near the Samoan islands, an area already devastated by earthquake and tsunami damage which killed more than 130 people.
Philippines brace for 'super storm' Parma
Indonesia quake kills 500
jesus watch over us and keep us safe. period.
ra is out of contro,l, i guess any kind of activity will set it off because the prednisone has been cut way way down, also , i have felt like crap since i cut off the methotrexate - i cant walk in the mornings for my feet are thriving in pain and hot (knees too)
mother earth says time to purge
i noticed the moon has been incredible lately,, i could just pull up a chair and watch it for hours, infact ,,i must create art wiht the moon in mind. a painting or something .. its just so beautiful,,ive been obsessing on space and the planets - discovery channel has the universe playing and i get hooked on things like Saturn's rings and black holes and time space contingency ,,mygod,,i love it all,,its completely mind blowing that we live on a planet and here by the force of gravity,,i cant get enuff of the planets and whats going on scientifically its incredible and beautiful.

Friday, September 25, 2009

im having a hard time with my knees - guess the RA has found a place to hunker down and attack,,and its in my knees,,this knee pain has been going on for some time but its so damn bad now i cant get off the toilet,,i cant get up from a sitting position and it hurts like hell to use the knees ....i know now JUST how important knees are to us..
i watched "the skelaton key" asnd it was sooo scary good, love all that new oreans vodoo stuff it creeped me out and that was goldie hawn's daughter,,named ,, named,,ahhhh forgot her name already,,,,shes a good actress and cute as hell

good job goldie hawn! just googled goldie hawn :KATE HUDSON - ofcourse!

weird news today:
((now i have seen everything and this beats all of it))
Genetically engineered meat with RFID chips grown in your kitchen to “save the planet”
Published on 09-25-2009 Email To Friend Print Version
Source: Daily Mail
The Cocoon, which would ‘grow’ its own meals, won the Electrolux competition
Pre-mixed food packets containing muscle cells, oxygen and nutrients, would put an end to messy and time-consuming preparation.
Cooker that ‘grows’ meat in your kitchen beats teleporting fridge and two-second clothes cleaner to win design prize
A controversial cooker that ‘grows’ meat and fish by heating animal cells in your kitchen claimed first prize in the Electrolux design competition tonight.
The invention, called Cocoon, could develop food with the make-up and nutrients of real meat.
Mr Hederstierna, 27, said: ‘This will create 100 per cent pure meat without the need for animals to be killed and with no risk of contamination. It will change everything.’
A food generator is a popular concept in science fiction programmes such as Star Trek
thats just plain weird

Thursday, September 24, 2009

seems like i just have too much going on now,,i hae not been keeping up here at all
reason: to obsessed with 2012 and other news thats goiong on now,,if i read all that stuff about the conspiraCY of h1n1 and the way that the PTB are trying to ill off 2/3rds of the population,,then i have3 to read every EVERY thing on it so that i dont get worried for nothing,,and verify all that i read,,like do my own research on every subject,,every thing they say i want to back it up,,is irt hear say is it faCT where is all this info coming from and why,,whos benefiting,hows making money off the fear of the ppl? every stone needs to be turned over and explored,,soo thats what ive been doing now that we've got these three computers networked and up and running,,all viruses removed and pray not to get anymore viruses from downloading stuff i shouldn't be,,(greed is bad) ive3 been cleaning this ol house and it wears me out,, my RA has been very active because i quit the methotrexate,it was helping me too,,but its tooo hard to getit so screw it -- i want a rheumatoligist
and the doctor im seeing just doest know anything about RA - i read an artical about the h1n1 and other vaccines we get every yr for the regular flu ..well,,something stood out TESTS SHOW PPL WHO TAKE THE FLU SHOT EVERY YR, AND ADDED UP TO ABOUT 8 TIMES,,WILL BE MORE LIKELY TO GET MS or RA and other funky diseases --i believe this may be what caused me to get RA,,i took the flu shot working in retail over 12 yrs in a row,,,i think it may be the cause ???? NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS THIS SO HOW THE HECK DID I GET IT ?
article i read for this info:
Dangerous Mercury Contamination of Human Body Increasing, Study Finds
also,2012 is really on the front burner for TV and the web,,lots of stuff being presented every day and i eat it aaaaaall up ...burp. opps.emberressed.
The 2012 Enigma

The 2012 Enigma

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

[-- we're seeing the end of capitalism. The end of capitalism as we know it and I say good riddance. It hasn't helped the people or the planet." -- Michael Moore on Larry King Live, Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

Friday, September 18, 2009

its friday, i feel alittle better, i slept enuff to get RA to back off alittle bit. i was swollen and painful yesterday, im scared today about the NEW NEWS in regard to H1N1 and whats going on
i told kelly that we seem so stressed out about all the shit going on,BUT its all stuff we can handle but perhaps our souls know of the impending doom around the corner and then this morning i saw this and cried about it and thinking what the hell r we going to do? im NOT taking that shot, its the mark of the beast i KNOW IT I JUST KNOW IT ,,its got a RFIDchip in the shot
along with the avian mixed in so u do get sick and TOO many will die from this shot. its the curse.
it is the mark of the beast: and id rather die fighting for our rights!! and i will fight,i will! i wilnot repeat NOT take the swine flu shot,kill me for this yes, but i am not taking this mark of the beast

Radio Frequency Identification (RFID)a key part of the global surveillance society
a technological advancement over Nazi tattooing of prisoners
RFID chip
Revelation 13:16-18
16 And he causeth all, both small and great, rich and poor, free and bond, to receive a mark in their right hand, or in their foreheads:17 And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name.18 Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six

notes on what i have been researching:

1. Numbers reporting on swine flu count have stopped here in oklahoma, they r only reporting the numbers of deaths

LINK for oklahoma swine flu numbers ( another conspiracy 2 hide the count)

2.end of days is around the corner, i focus on 2012 theories, but it may be the swine flu conspiracy is the real threat.

3.if we survive this H1N1 period, then 2012 may be the Apocalypse i believe in so deeply, a veil is lifted, we know the truth about everything at this point.

3. i ching,Nostradamus,Aztec,Mayan,Hopi Indians, the oracal named not delphi but the other lady,cant recall her name, and most important,the BIBLE even lays out something for this subject : BIBLE CODES PREDICT SOLAR FLARE
HOLOCAUST IN 2012 Revelation 16:8-9 "And they fourth poured out his bowl upon the sun; and it was given to it to burn men with fire. And men were burned with great heat; and the blasphemed the name of God Who has the authority over these plagues; and they did not repent to give Him glory."

Unrest grows daily around the world. Terrorism mounts. Bad news increases, while good news is increasingly scarce. Conditions worsen daily!!!

all agree and warn us of this 2012 issue. question, how can cultures who didn't even know each existed,write about this issue ???? its important to live each day like its the last,live love laff and be good. no evil can win over good.

against all this, my RA is nothing and i will be strong and not give in to the evil,aka devil ,almost spelled the same. D-evil..weird

75 Percent of Oklahoma High School Students Can't Name the First President of the U.S.

45,000 American deaths associated with lack of INSURANCE!!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

i love this alien named jesus.
im really sick,as in RA sick, its depressing me and i cant win or beat it,,its stronger then i am , i feel bad about that, and i8 want to contribute to society or to this unit i live in m,,it makes me feel worthless and incapable . enuff noise for now, im in a lot of pain so it makes me crazy i found the salt and pepper in the fridge and the milk on the kitchen shelf
my feet/knees hurt so bad -i can hardly stand up and walk now.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

i stopped the methotrexate because its not worth the hassel and the stress to get it,,i cant handel it anymore,,forget it completly im on week two of no metho and it hurts like hell and i cant handel my feet and hands,they r hot and sore it hurts to walk /im unhappy and scared and worried about life im trapped in a friggen nitemare and i am doomed - and this medical service im getting is worth nothing so im glad its a free place for me,ID NEVER pay these ppl to get the hap-hazard medical attn i am receiving - no insurance no help,,its just that simple
on a larger note,,i must log how split up everyone is becoming,either you r OK with obama or you are not ,and its dividing everyone i know,,its so intense ,but i bet its all part of the plan,,divide then conquer

Friday, August 28, 2009

when i see her in the morning i say,,look, shes grown over nite

im here and it took awhile for me to get going, it hurt to walk on my feet.
i just got back from dropping K off. i am worried about money again, im trying to sell things we dont need, like the mitre saw downstairs and the black antique chairs from patsy-- right now, no ONEs buying anything,craigslist is slow and tulsa sells and recycles is slow- no ones buying.
i still am on a news ban,due to the anxiety it creates, the weather has cooled down abit-more like fall now,,im hoping it stays like this until time for winter,that would be nice. i cant stand the heat on methotrexate - i just step out for a second and i bust out in this awful sweat,its so unbearable.
worried about the info i find everywhere,hes a craigslist memo i stumbled on to and read it word for word, (back to stashing stuff in the basement for survival):
New World Order (Everywhere)
Date: 2009-08-27, 10:41PM MDT
Reply To This Post
EVERYONE! After years of conspiracy theorists screaming about the New World Order, those like Michael Moore and Alex Jones were labeled "Nuts" by the general media. However, as recently as July 2009, an Austrian journalist named Jane Bergermeister has published information and filed criminal charges with the Austrian government and the US FBI claiming that FEMA, WHO (world health organization), Obama Administration and an Austrian pharmaceutical company named Baxter are trying to commit mass genecide by unleashing a bio-weapon (the H1N1 virus); other scientists who confirm her story that the H1N1 virus was genetically engineered by Baxter (and the WHO group); she also claims that Obama and FEMA will declare Marital Law and force upon the American public - a lethal vaccination (also created by Baxter) causing mass genecide. Other sources confirm that any resistors will be taken to FEMA death camps - concentration camps worse than the NAZI concentration camps. The FEMA trains are designed to house hundreds of people (in shackles) and to gas people right in the compartments; the FEMA camps have no accommodations for housing, dining or sleeping quaters - ONLY gas chambers and incinerators; (watch the youtube videos and see for yourself). In recent speeches, Obama and his administration have voiced overtures of Martial Law; he and his new health care advisers are advocating euthenasia. How much clearer can the signs be. By all credible reports from scientists, civil rights watch groups, investigative (foreign journalists, we are about to be in a STATE OF EMERGENCY within the next few weeks! Obama and FEMA will be declaring Martial Law in about 3 -6 weeks! (no later than October - if that!) THIS IS NOT A JOKE! PASS THIS ON TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN! DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH ! Giving up ONE night of TV to do a little homework - could literally save your life; and your family! Attached is an html file with a list of BOOKMARKED links - From reputable VERIFIED sources about the upcoming MARTIAL LAW that is ABOUT to be perpetrated on the AMERICAN PEOPLE - in order to take over this country and SUSPEND the US Constitution! THERE IS NO BIRD FLU Pandemic - except the one that was genetically engineered by Baxter Pharmaceutical, FEMA and WHO; They will then make it MANDATORY that people take (deadly) VACCINE - which will kill people; Those who resist will be taken to FEMA "detention" camps (and really death camps)! Many in Congress are unaware of FEMA's & Homeland Security Agency's Plans, but factions of the US Gov -under the guise of FEMA have been planning these Concentration Camps for Years! They plan to use Martial Law to murder American Citizens and decrease the population! Check out the LINKS in the attachment - watch the videos! I repeat - THERE ARE DEATH TRAINS - to take people to DEATH CAMPS Not work or detention camps (there are NO Housing Accommodations , just gas chambers and incinerators!; They don't even have those in Guantanamo Bay -for the REAL terrorists! so what the HELL are these facilities doing on AMERICAN SOIL ! ?? for YOU and YOUR FAMILY! That's who! Google REX87; Again, These videos are DOCUMENTED EVIDENCE by reputable scientists, JOURNALISTS and congressmen; This is not hype, this is not crazy; this is not radical talk! THIS IS REAL! We are going to experience FAR WORSE than what was perpetrated by Nazi Germany during WWII It will most likely take you a few hours to go through the links. Be sure to watch all of the Youtube videos, first in order to get a quick overview of what's going on. (SEE the criminal complaint filed by Austrian Journalist, Jane Bugermeister against FEMA, and Baxter Pharmaceuticals); BUT ONCE THINGS START TO HAPPEN- and there is a military presence in your area - DO NOT ! I REPEAT ... DO NOT! EXPOSE YOURSELF TO ARREST! go into seclusion; do not voice protests (by yourself) ! do not voice anti-government sentiments! ( pack what you can carry (backpacking) just take your family and LEAVE! - or join neighborhood watch groups! Hopefully there will be still some remaining in Government or Congress who can take action and suspend this ILLEGAL Martial Law. If you act alone - YOU WILL BE SINGLED OUT! ARRESTED, TAKEN TO FEMA CAMPS - AND KILLED! What you CAN do is write only trusted REPRESENTATIVES IN Congress! (one is Rep. Peter DeFazio - Oregon, and those congressmen on the Homeland Security Committee) send them links to information! Do it anonymously if you have to! They're probably asleep at the wheel if they are in office and they are not aware of these FEMA Concentration Camps! or what FEMA, Obama, and Clinton have been planning all along! But there ARE STILL some people in CONGRESS that are honest and decent citizens who want to uphold the US Constitution! Maybe it's too late for them to do anything now??! Maybe they still can??! ! There are still some in the military who have no idea why or WHAT the buildup IS FOR! They truly believe there is a "natural" Swine flu epidemic! They that THINK they are doing the right thing! You won't KNOW WHO you're dealing with! DO NOT TAKE ANY SHOTS OR VACCINES! DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO BE VACCINATED! IF YOU ARE FORCED- MAKE A SCENE! IN PUBLIC! How can you take action to protect your family? 1) start hoarding some CASH NOW! and things to trade or barter - jewelry, staples, gold, etc. for immediate TRADE; they won't be much good afterward when Martial Law is enforced. 2) Start STOCKING UP and buy at LEAST 1 or 2 MONTH'S WORTH OF WATER, FOOD STAPLES, canned goods (fresh vegs & fruit but won't last long) (Ensure, Gator Ade, canned vegs, Powdered Milk, bottled water or a REVERSE OSMOSIS WATER SYSTEM, Protein Powder, beans, rice, pre-packaged vacuum sealed food if you can get it online); CANDLES, CANNED GOODS! BATTERIES, FIRST AID ITEMS, CRITICAL MEDICATIONS; masks (gas mask, tyvek suit, filter masks) (all utilities, phone, TV, internet will most likely be suspended). (after that you will most likely be mobile on foot); Do not drink TAP WATER or store bought bottled water AFTER the Martial Law is declared! FILTER YOUR OWN - with a portable commercial grade - REVERSE OSMOSIS UNIT! One that you can take with you - if you are mobile. BUY NON-GMO SEEDS PACKETS ONLINE! (many new seed are terminator seed and will not grow new plants from the seeds of that harvest of plants. or they will have no new seeds at all); they will try to starve the masses; stock up! Find an underground shelter or places to hide/hoard food if possible. 3) at the first signs of trouble - on the news or in your neighborhood -STAY HOME FROM WORK! KEEP YOUR KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL! 4) IF YOU ARE TOLD TO EVACUATE - DO NOT GET INTO TRAINS -OR FOLLOW THE CROWDS! TAKE YOUR FAMILY AND FLEE ON YOUR OWN ! do NOT be herded WITH CROWDS; 5) If you can afford a short wave radio or HAM radio and a CB radio- GO BUY ONE! now! (the internet will probably be suspended); GPS unit (will probably not work for very long - they may jam the satellites); a compass; satellite phone (although probably won't work for long); a LORAN (yes, an old fashion boat LORAN system); 6) If you can afford a small diesel generator or hydro (water) generator - buy one! maybe a small one that you can carry; portable sterno units; matches, lighters. 7) Same - if you can afford to buy a small portable (mobile) solar powered appliance recgarger or phone recharger - so that you can carry it with you! (forget your cell phones! they won't work! batteries); (there are water powered batteries -(hydro electric batteries) online - if you are serious survivalist - these are worth it); 8) This may sound nuts but, search out caves; or go to a remote island or country; if you can, hire a sailboat with a captain if you don't know how to sail); or if you know someone with a sailboat - better make some plans for a LONG TRIP! again get an old fashion LORAN system; again - satellites will be jammed and the newer systems won't work! a good reliable "chronagraph" watch and a good compass will do just as well! (read the book "Longitude" to learn how to use them); if you can afford a vacation - go sometime in Sept - before things start to happen. 9) survivalist or camping equipment - Swiss army knife/tool set; 10) PORTABLE water purifier; with extra filter cartridges 11) maps & survivalist manuals 12) GUNS - Look what happened during Katrina - looters, crazies; If people stick together during this time- and help one another - we WILL SURVIVE this! We can lie low - and peacefully help one another, and wait out the "FLU"; if FEMA authorities come for YOU or your family (for no reason) you KNOW they are up to no good! - YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO PROTECT YOURSELF. IF you are able to FIGHT - do so! EVEN WITH UN TROOPS ALREADY STATIONED HERE ON AMERICAN SOIL ...#1 THEY ARE OUT NUMBERED BY US! #2 It is against the US constitution for American Troops or foreign troops for that matter - take up arms against American Citizens on American Soil; AS AMERICAN CITIZENS WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS. WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO FILE CRIMINAL CHARGES AGAINST TREASONOUS ACTS AGAINST THE US CONSTITUTION. FEMA IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL! FORCED VACCINATION IS A VIOLATION OF OUR CIVIL RIGHTS! THE SECOND AMENDMENT OF THE US CONSTITUTION GIVES US THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Use it or lose it people! REMEMBER WE OUTNUMBER THEM! DON'T BE HERDED TO DIE IN A DEATH CAMP! 13) again - things will probably start to take place around Sept / October - Keep your kids & family close to home; listen to your shortwave radio - PBS (public radio, Alex Jones, or any other trustworthy internet news source; if people start to go "missing" or it is reported that people are disappearing (most likely prominant outspoken talk hosts who speak out against FEMA or the Obama Administration - BE PREPARED to take your family - and leave! Go somewhere remote; if you are still able to leave - take a vacation to FIJI or some remote place; but get the HELL out of town while you can still leave! FIND CAVES; visit a foreign country (Asia, France said it WILL REFUSE TO DECLARE MARTIAL LAW); DRIVE remote roads (or motorbike); hike, take a sailboat, a private plane, or any unusual means of transportation that you can - Because you will most likely be taken custody at public airports; YOUR CELLPHONE CAN BE TRACKED! ditch it! 14) If you don't already OWN A GUN - GET ONE! iT'S ALSO a good idea to start taking some shooting lessons. join a shooting range or a gun club! 15) PRAY; PRAY ALONE; PRAY IN GROUPS; joint MASS PRAYER groups! It worked during WWII - it will work AGAIN! If you do nothing... (if you do not even research this to see if this is all real) - you will probably join the masses - for whatever they have in store --- for you!
Location: Everywhere
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Thursday, August 27, 2009

star is beautiful. Felis domesticus .shes a tortoiseshell kitten.

im back from the grocerystore,i had to go before it got too hot today,we r outta everything
and the kitty's want supersupper bad....spoiledrotten
two days from the dose and i feel mucho better,,the pills really make me feel queeezy and awful until it all disovles and gets into me,,i almost want to inject metho again,because its tearing up my stomach,i spend the whole nite on the toilet with diarrhea feeling but no action,,???
i always say in the moment that its JUST NOT WORTH IT,,but then after it fades away i feel stronger and more like the old me--- before all this RA stuff hit. RA is my "katrina"
*my elbows and hands r lookin more like RA lately--i noticed my knuckels on the steering wheel while driving - i have to learn to keep them down (outta sight)or i worrie someones lookin at em,,its creepy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

took my pills last nite ((dr. increased the dose-now im taking 4 pills)

i feel creepy and sick,,after i took the pills last nite,i became sooo sick and queasy i had to go lay down- i slept and woke and slept and woke and selpt and woke up over and over
not a good night at all, when the alarm went off it was very hard to get up.,.my neck and feet were so painful and i went straight for the perkidan,(half a pill-they r too strong 4 me)
so i took 1= 5 mg.prednisone, 1=1/2 perkadan, 1 darvon, 1=penicillin and about NOW,40 minuets later i can think and move
i understand the pain and depression going together,, sometimes it hurts so bad that i cant even talk straight,,i mix up words and say everything backwards
example i called the vacuum cleaner a refrigerator, i called pants shirts and other stupid things like that ,,ts very embarrassing and humiliating
i am clammy and hot allthe time,,OR im freezing,,i told K that my body's thermostate is jacked up bad. i also told the doctor,,but she doesnt give one ounce of a damn, she minimises EVERYthing and even said this about the methotrexate
" its kind of like chemo= " OMGOD,,IT IS CHEMO u ...u..nevermid ,,i cant believe i have to see such inadiquit doctors,,and NO mention of removasl ofcateracks,,they just let me go on like this,,i guarentee U that if i had INSURANCE id see a whole other dside to all this,,.like removal of catreracks,,and possible fix for my neck-what ever that would be?? AND id sure as hell have no teeth falling outta my mouth
all of my teeth on the bottom are loose as can be,,it scares me to eat food,,bite into anything
and i could loose a effing tooth,,its so end of the road BECAUSE its WELFARE and it is nothing to be dependant on --
its just NOT worth it,i want medicare and i cant get approved,,and i dont know why>? HELP me lord.
Methotrexate's Drug Class: Methotrexate belongs to the drug class known as DMARDs, or disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drugs. DMARDs slow the progression of rheumatoid arthritis and other rheumatic diseases, and help prevent joint damage.
Methotrexate was developed as a leukemia drug in the 1940s. The drug was considered experimental in the 1970s. It was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to treat rheumatoid arthritis in 1988.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

had to be at the DDS at 8.30 this morn,,got two stitches removed and i feel queeezy now,,gotta rest bbl

Monday, August 24, 2009

MARS is visible in the nite sky,, just right of the MOON
ohgod,,its a sinus kinda day,,and it has been a sinus kinda month im too ADD/ADHD lately to sit still,,im running all around trying to find help,,job,,extra money food clothes and everything else ....and its wearing me out
im spending time doing online surveys for now i talked to my mom,,kelly googled her and then dialec the number she habnded the phone to me and i was scared to say anyhting,, i heard her voice and immediatly i cried for my momma we talked for two hours and made plans to go visit in two weeks (holiday ) we will go up and see her - im very excited about that too.
its been too long and our whole point was this is whats important,,right here and NOW -
i think it'll help my soul to have my mom back, i played neil diamond thisa sunday morning and it made me cry,,thats when kelly said call yer moma! and i said OK,,after 8 yrs of her tryong to get me to look at this whole abandonment deal as what it is,,nothing but silly things get in ther way of our goal in life,,which is to secure love and live with love,, im proud of kelly for popening this wound and showing me that it doesnt really hurt at all,its a good thing -- so i said lets do it.
im glad

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

its thrursady - im so inpain this morning
i gotta see the doc today -2.00 pm appt.
i have not been here at the computer due to my squrming fromthe pain of it all,
i took a whole pain aid (perkadan?) from the dentist and it wz so powerfull i thought i was gonna throw up from it - i gotta break em in half in order to stand the medicine but that'll make em last longer too
im not around the news lately due to stress- i only saw a few headlines and it was enuff to freak me/stress me out.....
china is buying up all the oil
sientists predict a mega earthquake for seattle wa.
FDIC Sees Ag Banks As The Next Big Crisis
my body is falling apart,,and there is no help, my mind is falling apart and there is no help.
this country is turning into something i dont reckonize at all.
my life has turned into something i cant control -so very depressing
i see it all being torn away
i thought i was better but im not, im worse by the day. i have no teeth i cant eat-its so hard to even watch TV because the food is maks me hungry.
i cant bear to watch as everything gets ripped away
my health, my ligfe , my dreams .. i feel the loss of all the ones i thought loved me,i see the reality,its too much for me to bear, it ALL will end soon.
i am so at the bottom of a pit i cant crawl out of
i am starting to believe that ...that there is no hope, where i only had hope, i see that i was only fooling myself -- there is no help,therefore no hope.
why bother with art and beauty and all that,,it makes NO difference
nor does it releive me of my mind and my broken heart.
im just damed for everything. i look back at my life,when i was a kid,i see now,,how mom just let us fall ,,no guiedence, she didnt not teach us anything - she only scared us to death with all her yelling - i knew then as a kid i was in trouble
i dreamed that i would meet my love and stay together forever, and have a lil house with birds and flowers in the backyard,,its all a sham, all a waste of time to even think i was even worth 2 cents. i hate it all now,,i see how i was a fool - and i wasted my youth on searching for a way to make my dreams come true, im a failure
found this at my old site from 2003.
((ya know the germans always make great stuff))

alot has been going on here, wiht this RA and all,,i spent last saturday at the abstract copmany,,i posted properties for 3 hours, to see if i could doit PT,,well,,i love the job, BUT i cant hold my head iin the way you need to to log everything,,its a easy job and i could work PT they totally need the help,, i was so disapointed about my neck- im going again this sat to try again,,ifi can pull this off,,i can work there PT and already know the job,,they could hire me and ill be good to go,,no training needed __ great plan that kelly came up with.
Upper left back two teeth,(including my wisdom) had to be pulled again yesterday,,i called everywhere and looked online for a dentist cheap and around here,,of course the lord led em to a dentist on utica and they were all so nice,,NO partronizing or making me feel bad because of the issues im having
heres the website:
the dentist was sooooooooooooooo NICE and careing,he knew i was alittle touchy and about to breakdown the whole tiem,,i wanted to say,,Ill come back,,but i hung in there and he yanked out two bad teeth in the back of my mouth,SO yesterday i was SICK fromall that,i could not even make it up to get my prescriptions,,i was too sick and sweaty - hot - it was so humid and unbearible and its gonna be like that again today,i MUST go to utica square MED-X and get my medicine PINICELLIN and PAINAIDS,i already had penicilkin from the last time i went to DDS
so i took what i had and layed on the sofa

Friday, August 14, 2009

watched a documentary called the "healing power of flowers"
I FOUND IT ,,there are clips on YOUTUBE:
its the lady who is doing the experiments,,its good news for me,,i like this and believe in the power of plants-while watching the docu,i said,,"she would be called a witch and killed for this in the darkages" heres the official website:
i have not been spending much time here at my machine,,cuz i have been withy such a bad headache now for days and days (thinkin its a sinus infection) i feel nauseia when i sit here,,like i need "dramamein" or whatever its called --its gotta be sinuses.
im worried about my dad, he doesnt seem well,,i need to find a way to go to minneapolise this fall and visit. i miss him so badly and want to see him,i want to talk with ,about the stars and the solar system
(hes very knowledgable and realistic about things) He used to tell me as a kid,,"your imagination is running away w/ you again" i miss trying to be perfect for him- where most people would complain about the pressure a parent puts on ya,,i would welcome it,,i just love my dad and i never got to spend the time i want to with him,,hes a buzy guy (computer programer) i am putting all of my energy into "a job for debi" i need some responsibilities and some dang money,,ill take anything for a job,lie, ha -i wanna do this right,,i need somplace thats not too laborish,,and no standing for ever,,i have to have a sit down and do something job..Gloria said i should look into sitting with sick ppl..thats good,,but i dont see anyhting like that in tulsa jobs online or offline(networking thru ppl) i will find the right placefor me to be ,,i just goitta keep my mind and eyes OPEN *had to retype mostof this dueto typeOs-getting worse then ever now*

Thursday, August 13, 2009

wow- biwer-park

awww so tiny

ahhhhhhhh i am weak and RA'd out- i took my methotrexate last nite and it made me soo sick,,i cant describe the feeling it gives..i was a day late to take it so i was weak before taking it,,then it desolved into me and i felt the metho - feeling- it makes me clammy and hot and my stomach hurt -i feel really weak and feel really microwaved,,thats the only way to describe it,,like im in the miocrowave oven,,my insides hurt and feel electric,i dunno... im still queeezy from it /didnt want ot get up today.i hurt and when my feet touched the ground - i almost cried form the sweeling and the pain in my feet.
knees have been hurting for days ,,i cant bend up and down realwell,, its bad on my right side and right shoulder too - cant raise up my arm wihtout pain.
i see i am bleeding real wasy ,,i had a misqitoe bite on the top on my foot,,i was just ithching it when i noticed a wet feeling,,i look down and a river RIVER of blood,,and it wouldnt stop,,then other things OK like,,little scrapes and then i bleeeeeeeeeed and cantstop it, put flour to coagulate it,,like i did formy little finches when i cut the toemnails too short,little presious birds.
i LOVE birds,speaking of birds,,we havcve a nest ofhummingbirdsa nd they are hovering around the flocks and taking nectar from them,,we can sit above the flowers on the porch and watch mom and babies just zip around like crazy,,i thought it was a bumble bee,,thats how small the babys are soooo little tiny- tiny and cute.
nature is the neatest thing -- im still morning for the loss of the old tree they cut down,bastards.....

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

apcolypse means a veil is lifted
my shoulders knees and feet are in my way-metho is ready to be picked up,,but i may have to wait until tonitetoget it,, kellys stresed cuz shawnys not acting rihgt at work,,shes twisting off and
and also got her friend hired who is a druggie and a looser, its alot of tension up there and and its
bringing people down,,it affects the attitudes
everyone there (everyones gripping-how embarrassing for her)
USA is freakingout ,,townhall meetings gone mad
what i see here is a bunch of ppl who dont wanna pay for someone elses abortion its
what they keep gripping about-MYGOD we r already doing that,who else pays for the times someone else cant -i cant understand how people think they got a good deal right now,,with premiums so effing high - and the cost of anything at hospital is just unbelievable-this country is freaking out completely - i swear i do not see a future after about five yrs form now ,,its probably why i see the world ending becaus4 i hear its gonna get worse - and they R lying about the unemployment too,,they claim its leveling off,,riiiiiiiiiiight.
found this

Friday, August 07, 2009

murder of a tree

here's the tree that the "so called "christians"-killed -murdered for no reason,,im no treehugger ,,but this was pure slaghter of a living breathing creature called an OLD OAK TREE
in my book-thats just plain wrong - it could have been trimmed way back and this poor OLD tree could have lived-our shade is GONE!
its so effing hot inside now,,this tree provided shade for three homes,,and now,,we r all exposed,i wanted to be positive about it,,i said,OH good,,now i can see the UFOs better,,more sky towatch and photo.-it nmessed up the fung shui completly
it sux.

also has anyone else noticed how everyones killing them selves and their family,,another murder suiside in az. i think
family's are commiting suicide in america now and ppl are going crazy and shooting in public places - looks like the chemtrails are working,,everyones going insane,PLUS
kellys smart brother said hes suicidal now and so is tina ( she told kelly this on the phone )
its getting outta hand
im sure the PTB r very pleazed w/ their work.
todays UFO watch-
BBC captures amazing UFO on camera (Video)
politicalstuff going on now ((crazy crazy crazy))
CEO Characterizes H1N1 Non-Believers as “Group of Crazies” On Flu Pandemic- im a crazie
its all a scam for the love of freggin MONEY,,millions to be made w/the vaccine,,i do not think for one second that they care about us,,riiiiiiiiiiiight, and there is a santa.clauz -
looks like they are using it as a TEST' - see what happens w/ all this.

i had kelly watch KNOWING w/ me last eve,,it was as great as the first time i saw it. ,soo many things in the movie that play right into what ive been saying all the while,,BEFORE the movie came out,,i had a tear for the for the end,,its about adam and eve,,it shows the sun shooting the plasma radioactive shit as i know is gonna happen - its just a mater of time,and i believe this is prophecy hollywood style. epiphany while watching it the second time - not about the annuniki shown,not about the adam and eve thing,not even about the beautiful alien ship,but about the title "KNOWING" ,i feel like i know,kelly said that its everything ive been saying for a few yrs now-ive been so re-occupied by space and planets and watching the sky and the sun activity,,i have no reason why im intersted ,,i just became that way over the past 3 yrs,,i recall talking 2 kelly back in 03 that i had dreams of us burning up and everything was on fire,i told her i wanna go undergound, she recalls that very talk,and how i was soo scared of my dream. i said" we gotta get outta here" move to another country before its too late" i am supposed to find out where the safest place is,,i say DENVER COLORADO & Dulce, New Mexico are the - the safest place, massive underground tunnels into the mountains that reach far far below ground,,its the only hope.
BUT then on the other hand,,just save myself all the trouble and go with the flow and dont worry about getting to safe grounds,,its not gonna matter and i aint going anywhere w/o these lil babys named e-boo and babystar - i have to protect them and i couldnt live wiiht myself if i abandon them for hell on earth,,they are important to me, they r precious life that cant be abandoned/ left behind.
Recent crop circles in the U.K. seem to be about a giant solar flare occurring soon. And a prophecy of the Bible Book of Revelation and also Isaiah in the Old Testament on the possibility of a giant solar flare scorching the earth with great heat. The sun seems to not be following its normal cycle, where there are very few sunspots over the last year, so an unusual solar flare is possible.Copyright 2009 by T. Chase. From the web site, for more on this see (Revelation 13: Prophecies of the Future, Astrology, Nostradamus, Bible Prophecy, the King James version English Bible Code).
another site:
matt laurer explains coronal mass ejections