Tuesday, September 30, 2008

i have been sick and getting sicker by the day,,it all started days ago,,coughing and then it really got bad i tried to cope with the cold or whatever this BUG is its a virus im sure but its hitting me SO hard i cant handle it, - i cannot turn my head or move very well, my neck is swollen
*also,,i am having my hips go out too,, im weak and no appetite for anything,
i amup at 5.45 am to take my prednisone -- ive been crying fr about three days and i have hives all over my face from stresss....my nerves are shot- and Kellys too,,,
she got home yesterday from work and just looked so cute with her little haircut and her face just so healthy and alive..this made me so so,,,,,something,,i dunno....why do i have RA,,
i used to run stores,hire people and fire people and train people and have LOTS of fun doing it,,i LOVED MY JOBs(all ofUM)
i dont know why i am so unable to accept this disease,,
i am haveing a REAL HARD TIME RIGHT NOW -
-the pain is driving me over the edge of it all,,,like i just want to ..nevermind,,,,,,,
i have ra real bad around my neck area ,,the backside and and my collar bones at the front of my neck,its swollen and i cant walk very well due to my hips being very weak and unbale to support all 100 pounds of me walking -i have to go see KEVA - case worker for my mental health( which is really bad now) today at 10.30am,, i will be hurting bad by then but i gotta do it,then i may drive myyself out to MORTON to have doctor look at me and check me out--*if i can walk and make it,, i cant breath or walk,,im in bad shape...and i look awful and cant help it

Monday, September 29, 2008

i believe im TOO much for kelly and shes on her last breaking place and i am too,,we r against each other,,,and it all starteed earlyy yesterday,,i didnt like the tone she used and something she aud,,kinda along ther lines of omg debi u r just TOO MUCH- and i do it allto myself and IM the one whos doingthis,,BUT im not,,i was smile and having a good sunday AM when allof a sudden,,EVERYTHING just swithched to HELL,, babm! and,,it went from there, .im so sick now ihurt everywhere,,and i just want to go to the hospital and stay for two three months..lock me up i guess,, since im so much a bother to all and no good for aything- i see it in hereyes,,she doesnt like me anymore,,im so sad. thank U RA for fuckin my hole fuckked up life-i cant bare this
THIS IS THE WORLD OF RA and its hell,,its a hole u can never climb out of,i cannot type my fingers hurt to badly-and i tok "myspace" down,,im not doing that anymore,,i feel helples why would i want a MYSPACE ,,why would i seek out any communacation with ayone out there,,who could possibly help me,,..why>? cuz everyone has there WN vbttles to fight and i am fighting RA and none needs to knopw about the shit except here,,this is all im going to do now,,this blog,,for my own sanity- and my sanity is brely there ,from aLL THE ((i keep cursing and thats not good-whats wrong with me)) &^%%$#@!@! PAIN
im very very very depressed and i think,,im really really really reallly scared beyond whati cn deal wiht mentalty, i feel weird,its 4.00i haveto go pick up K and i feel so sosososososososossssssssssssooooooooooo weird,,so strange,so out of it so in pain, so defeated so likeui just wantto hide ..i feel sososo weird i hte it i hate this feeling,,why am i so so scared,, im just so scared of tomorrooorrw

Saturday, September 27, 2008

saturday afternoon,,pleasant weather and i'm good for "nothing" and all im all emotional,,well,,we..me and kelly just got back from going to get kellys hair cut,,its SO CUTE,we found a new place to go,that some of the girls from work go to,,and they all have cute hair-sooooo kelly's hair is adorable-
i am not feeling good, im going to lay down now -i hurt real bad.
we both agree that the seriquil is not really doing me good,,i mean my face looks bloated again - my prednisone seems to have a conflict with this seriquil,,i can say its been great for sleep,,but damn,,i remember the NERUOTIN did the same thing too, puffy face, and slept all day ,,no ability to get going - AND seems to me that- my neck has been inflammed from the strt of the seriquil,,now it coud be a coinencedence but,,i think im scred opf the seriquil now,,damn, i always think its goning to get the ticket,,,but then have bad effects from all drugs,,im so sensitive to it,i guesss,>?
puffy face ad lathargy are the big things,,i acnt wke up at lland ioi dont wnna do aything either..why not,>? the weather is great,i hve so many ideas,,im scared - i htnk thats my problem,and i dont know wht to do,,my fingers hurt so bad right now to type i'm using only two-2 fingers to get it done ...10-4-over...come back....
Can Rheumatoid arthritis cause depression?
In: Health
Any chronic condition, especially painful ones, can increase your likelihood of becoming depressed. Conversely, depression may make many conditions worse. Treatment of both usually yields better effects than treating only one or the other.
ok then......just wondering...
the army was here again last night

well,i feel MUCH better this morning,i think that bug is going away, i had a massive coughing attack last nite and took LOTS more NyQuil and did manage to knock myself out,,but its hard to sleep when you can hear your own lungs rumbling inside with breathing,,but the coughing has decreased and the tickle in my ears and throat are gone /// still have rumble in my lungs -waking up -RA in feet is what i felt- first as they hurt to touch down to the ground this morning BUT hey-no problem,im used to that,, walk softly

OMG the army was here again last night,,he brought his photo album, with his love- a beautiful quarter horse dark red with a black main and black tail black socks and black tips of her ears,,a real beautiful horse. I enjoyed meeting him ,yesterday i gave a card to him- that said -thank you for all you do for America, and each and everyone of us appreciate the sacrifice they make. i feel proud to know anyone in the military =---im sure that's what allowed me to sit next to Oscar C. for three -four years at cavalry portfolio-just listening to his military stories and what it was like freezing his ass off in Germany with a fence being the only thing between him and communizum,! i mean communism....all kinds of stories that were interesting.he told good stories too.

me at my old job with the guys,,,,

http://www.dropshots.com/debrabmaddox#date/2006 ---wow 2005-2006 uploaded stash of pics i found online,, ppl at wrk and what was going on then,,,wow,ohDa memories -i have to just faugh at myself as i totaly made everything up as i went alongf there,,for all thse years i had ruff and stresss times and had some really reallly ~great~ times -

i made the "army guy " laff tho,,because i asked if kelly could request a mission at aerea 51..and he said " it doesnt exist,, " we all laughed ,that was a great moment, last night-ahhhhh area 51

its is now 7 20 am,,and kellys alarm is going ff saturaday .shes going in for overtime, i drug the trash to the curb in the dark --no-one else had garbage out so i was like,,saturday? had to coem to this cmputer to check on what day it is,,thats confussion for ya! (add- head)

i found ths old pic online photo album from 2007 summer-not too deformed then,, i really have changed in two years,,must do a "compare" shot then and now,,later tho...........

Friday, September 26, 2008

i saw this last nite passing thru the TV rooom,,it made me sit down andwatch ,now i found it here on CNN and MUST POSTIT,,the best interview ive seen in aLONG time,,chris rock on barack Obama,,its great - hes a doll.

im taking lots of vitamins,,and thinking about codex arlimentarus deal -whatever,,You know,,,,that food thing,,yep,,taking my vitamins alright-which i believe i need to take every day,,calcium and Vitamin D and the fish oil stuff(icky) i don't do the fish faithfully BUT i do folic acid and vitaman D and calcuim like prayers,,faithfully..everyday ! i think i mean religiously,,im-such a dork
i wish i had MORE energy!!!
Its friday,,cough cough cough,,i dragged my swollen self on over here to computer ,,gotta see what happened over nite in regard to economics and in politics,,OMG aLOT i see,, whew!
still no resolution..im glad,,i say NO tothe bail out,,butthen hell,,what do i know,,

i read and stand with ron paul,,hes logical and has a plan,,hes who we would be voting for if he was not stomped out in the begining,,,
,im stilll coughing and blowing my nose and have a sore sore throat ,,hurts to cough,i do have alot of congestion,and i tatse infection,,all not good signs,for me.and as faR AS A cold or bug goes.,,it seems i got one. i feel about like yesterday.i just took DAY-quil
and they speed me up (and im already A.D.D.///a.d.h.d .hardcore!) and now i find out im,,,im ,,,im OMG borderline,,i always just thought of "madonna",,and her cute song,borderline,but this is serouis business and i just need to get a grip about all this
>/when i fall asleep now--- i can not wake up and NOW my neck is inflammed beyond what ibuprophine can take care of -it was 6.20am this morning - and i could not wait to get a darvon in to kick back all that pain in elbows,,,hands feet NECK-spine*pictured todaY** gotta watch those elbows,,things are happining to them and documentation is what i'm after,, time lapse watching "persay",,hehehe,,i just wanted to write ,"per say",,.how funni<(inside joke for me and kelly) OH i forgot,,we had the military here last nite,,talking to kelly ----i reallly wanted to take pictures-but that would have freaked him out,,they r recruiting her, and shes going forward...gulp, more on that later,,i know nothing at this point.
i am locked outta facebook for now,,i cant remember my password and its strange that im signed out to begin with/musta been when i dumped system restore to get rid of that last virus. now my throat is sore and i should go lay down for just a hour then get going on errends (OMG i hate it) i just wanna sleeeeeep but i cant -- no way- no how- no Mc/cane hehehhe,,imjus' trippin'

photos of the neck issue im experencing over here,,its efecting my ability to get anyhting done,its so,,well, the only word i can think of now is DOMINATE ,,the pain is smothered by darvon,,so im high,,but stll feel the heat and pain from my neck that i am going to have to ice pack it -to be rid of the pain -it..it worked yesterdy, when i had to move things around,,i iced up first,,it worked well,but then it didnt last long ...HI GLORIA concider this an answer to yer question . its like i emailed ya! big hug for you bye for now-hi kelly if u r reading this too,,(cuz i know u r)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

oh its thursday and im sick,,i have a bug ,,cough -- cough -- cough --cough-gag...
..man im watching CNN (( just let it stay on the channel all day -thats typical TV for me all day))
i go straight to NPR when in the car,,,POINT IS Kelly just called to say the
diane rhime show says all our pharmacuticals come from CHINA - medicine from china?
scary scary i have no trust,,,whatsgoing on here folks,,
maybe im just,,,yea,,im i,,i m just being parinoid agian.....diagnosed :borderline personality- OMG i never knew,.,OMG i am so worried that i my have hurt someones fee;llngs along my lifes way then,, or screwed up somene opr something--im sooooo sorry jesus forgive me of my sins i pray ..........and let me know where i need to go and make things right ..thank u lord,,amen.
in da name of da fadder da son and da holyghost!
i have gorephobia .... i am struggling today with the fact i must go and get my medicine from morton-god they scare me out there,,,,and then go get more seriquil too,from another place,,medical arts building on harvard=OK nothing too bad,,((which will take all day-and im so sick and coughing like crazy) its 11.33 am and i wanna just lay down --its so pretty outside,,i MUST be crazy for not finding something to do outside,,omg its beautiful out -
my neck still hurting bad

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

"the girl who hates RA"

,,no nononono no not this RA the other RA......
i love this RA ,,really,,its beautiful,,had it tattooed on my shoulder,,but have the angel to over lay it,, as a cover job,i love my tattoo of 's Raphael's Sistine Madonna from the ceiling of the chapel,, i picked that tattoo cherub and had it done in Minneapolis and will never regret it......

i drew this in 2003
me and kelly in 2002-2003

dont know if u can

tell how swollen my neck is,,also, its red and inflamed right on the spine and it hurts to move my head around, or to nod yes or no,,or swing around to look --i look like i need a neck brace...very odd ..very odd-\i "ICED" it and that helped a lot ,i will do that now so i can have my day 'also tho,, im sick with a "bug" i got sick somehow...i have a bad sore throat i'm coughing badly ad i taste infection,,(i know -gross) and feel feverish tooo--- came on strong yesterday...went down fast. i could not make it pt 7.00pm..... dang it,,i probably picked" it " up by being around all the different people,,and hugs hugs hugs his for all my little kids,,,so i noticed i felt "bad - bad " last nite( sorethroat) ,,and i took NYQUIL and got good rest,,but was up at 5 ish- cuz i couldt breathh,,this is a bronchial thing and its DEEP deep sore cough and deeep sore throat...complain-complain-complain,,nawwwwww,,im just making notes,,no complaining here,,man i thank GOD for everyday and greatful for the little i do have.....im sick fer sher tho and i feel crappy ,,,coughin' ,, ,owchieee --- my lungs are hurting----good thing i dont smoke anymore!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

its 1.30..i have YOGA at the center for disailitys at 2.30..ive staed low key so i can make it,,ive dusted the house, vaccumed a little,,and straightened out kellys closet,, all aesy stuff,, BUT im im so in painwith my neck still,,,what am i gonna do,,i thought this would be over by now,,im going n 3 weeks of serouis neck pain ,,i found out a bit today about another medical place i can go and probably get better attention then the morton deal,,(i never wanna go back there just gives me such a negitive feeelig . bad karma there for some reason) .....so this eve - tuesday ee at 5.00p i can go stand in line wihtthe rest of um and se what happens,,ifi do not or cannot do it,,from The RA,,then i HAVE to do it o thrusday nite,,5.00pm,,and go getinline,at some place i o have the addy,,i want to google thisplace first,,i alsoNEED to go back to the medical arts building where i went for mental help and recieved a "case worker",,(yeah-a good thing) im almost outta that seriquil so iguess i just go at 8.30 and stand in line there too,,woow,,what a different world,,from insured to uninsured,,, its reallllly hard when u do not have insurance or any money......its real hard. i donit thnk i can do yoga,,myneck,,oh my Aching neck!!!!!!!!!!!also neupathy has really been noticable too,,feet and hands running down my legs and arms,,so so weird,,,,i am to tired now,,must rest.. zzzzzz
heres the place fr medical help
its very early on tuesday, heres what ive beeen doing withmy "spare time"
this cat is LOVED! BOOBOO has ringworm so ive been caring for all 3 try to control it all and its very hard to do,, and its wearing me out..but thats totaly OK as long as i win the battle and i am so far,,i just have to control it. bleach bleach bleach-
PEPPERS from our neighbor JAMES (love that nameJames)
we visited on saturday,,he came over to ask about our OBAMA signs,,tina gave him 2 of them,,tina went back to the democrat headquarters,,just round the block,,LOL! and bought all they had and we gave them out to our neighbors ((( its a OBAMA BLOCK))-nice feeling.
im growing african violets - Vicky is teaching me how to grow these delicate lil thaaangs... i swear if u touch a leaf on this it will die! they dont like to be touched at all,, but OH SO PRETTY-

im growing black pearl peppers
from patsy's seeds (its going well)

aboutthe RA:

click on pic to enlarge, places that very tender on my feet.
my NECK its the most bothersome now and its been a week maybe? seems like ive been complaining of neck pain now for some time,,,ohno,,im going crooked in my neck,, i will stop it somehow.
see the swollen area beside myfingers? Ooweeeee

my NECK is bad- it was hurting so bad yesterday((Monday) to the point of nausea again,,its swollen so badly ((i need a corticosteroid shot there ))))) OH MY GOD im up at 5.00 am i iced it to help.
Pain woke me up,,,or elvis did,,..either way,,i thought of my prednisone and how badly i want to take it!!!i got up gathered up meds = (2) 10mg. lexapro -- 17.mg. prednison (down from 20mg.)
(1) DARVON (only 65 mg - no biggy BUT THEY WORK)
i would just do IBUPROPHINE but my neck is painful,,need extra help. UG!!!!
Kelly had a look at my neck, she said " YES, U CAN SEE WHERE IT IS( in my spine) AND ITS SWOLLEN BEYOND the normal,,,i mean yes, U CAN SEE IT" so we took a few pics tyring to
capture it,,,look The RA monster on my spine,,,*scares me bad too gulp*

Monday, September 22, 2008

LOVEIT! hippies r kewl!

me on sunday -i slept alot-

<- i found this pic and thought YEP!!! thats it alright!!!!!
tina and the kids just left,,god,,we had such a great time w/ her, and the kids they are all so so "kind "and fun and beautiful people -Tina totaly went out her way to help around here then FORCED us to accept money from her,,im like,OMG NO,,kelly went to sneak it back into her luggage,,but Busted,,,so that game is over,,we'll just stash it and use it 4 the DALLAS trip to the musem of arts, KING TUT IS COMMING IN OCTOBER(OUR BIRTHDAYS) i wanna see king tut before i die,,this may be my only chance,, LOOK at this,,
(ofcourse tina told me all abuot it,shes on top of anything social and artsy and happening now,,we turned her onto the old band CHIGAGO w/TERRY KATH - "dialouge",,and she LOVED IT --me and kelly just sang it out loud and she just loved it,,she wants a link to it -she wants to hear it anytime. She knows
my yoga teacher "stacy" ,,small world,,-her kids went to school with TINA's kids,,ariel and blake ((LEE elementary school-the BEST elementary school here in this city)))
its now 9.00am monday = i have "goals" toady and i need to rest just a bit before i can do a
thing,,my neck - spine has been the problem especialy after being up- doin' things for 1-2 hours,,its hard on my neck ..its killing me,,... must rest... then get-UP
and goal OUT! depression has lifted slightly,,i still have a pit in my gut (down deep) i still feel weird about things,,im so needing "theapy "from a shrink.--its menopause.... agian i think>????

Sunday, September 21, 2008

sunday eve....tina's getting the kids all cleaned up and ready for the "morning take off",(back to houston) They have gas but NO POWER and it may be one more week before the power comes back,,but their school is opening and they need to get back-
so i have been buzy and i am swollen- and forgot to take my sreiquil last nitght because becky and tina were here and we sat out talkin for LONG time...i took lots pictures and we had a real good time. tinsa staying tonite nd then goingback tomorrow but its been super nice tohave her here,,she is a good mother to those kids and works her butt off for the love of them,,