been awhile,, its all because of medication,ijust do not do well on drugs-- the
Penicillin was too much so i was so sick and tired truely beyound what i cold coop ith,,now i stared Metho agan and its a" low does",,and its pills - not needles,,thank god,,i do not have the stomach for needles again and humaria just burned like hell,,i cant go back to that-- i read report yesterday that brought tears to my eyes,,for he hope of a cure,,i mean lets stop RA dead in its tracks,that would be so wonderful for me and many other people,, we really do put up with the most pain and th guilt ad the horrors of it .. hard to have RA and survive OK,,its very hard. everything changes ,,and its all so unpredictable,,its hits you when u lest expect it,,and no telling for how long and how hard,,god,,what a scam,,
LOOK at this tho,,this is the report i found :http://www.mirror.co.uk/life-style/sex-health/2009/06/17/health-new-hope-for-arthritis-115875-21446641/ AWESOME gimme some quickly, so i can have my life back.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RA in my feet, neck wrist hands knees.
its back in my feet again,,,,its very very painful to walk on my foot-bones -shoes do not help,,i can only stay off of them for releife.
neropathay felt more these days,,maybe the heat/ the weather brings it out? i cant feel my hands or feet even tho my foot bones(the toes and the ball of foot) really hurt,,the flesh is numb.

anubis.

im here and its LATE,,its about three thirty,,and i only feel a little bit better,,im weak and my hands wrists and shoulders and neck and feet HURT HURT HURT,,why,,what the heck did i do to start all this? well,i didn't do anything,BUT i bet its cuz i cannot sleep -im having heat flashes thru-out my body and it wakes me up in middle of the nite, i cant ignore this either,,its very hot and it stays awhile then disappears,,and i get nauseated ,,so, i do not feel good at all,,,

its getting hot in OKlahoma now,,its hitting 90 degrees everyday,,and our skys are filled every morning with thin wispy long spreading out chremtrails,,i think if its bad for ppl then all the little bugs and birds and things would be poisoned and die,,,right????hummmm, what a mystery,,that i want to know all about,,hey,,anything im not supposed to know is what i want to know,,anything that is hidden makes me look harder and stay on it until i come to a conclusion about the situation then i move on to my next obsession hahahaaa,, now tho,,its the sky and the trails,,why do they keep it secret? why not just tell us,,unless its a deviant thing and would not like it,,soo,,the mystery continues,we will know one day WTF has been going on right over our heads

CNN's unseen photo of MM that was JUST found in a old someplace-(not as impotrtant as these pics!)

she was so special,and i love her!

http://www.life.com/image/first/in-gallery/27412/marilyn-neverpublished-photos

CHEMTRAILS started up again /heavy last night,just as dusk,,the Sky's were covered,and by the way it looked when the sun arose,,i saw OLD chemtrails,,that were thick as pie and just hanging everywhere,,all thru the horizon an i feel really anxious i feel really RA'd out,, and im swollen bad in hands and feet, neck and shoulders.

ive been so "unable this morning until this very moment,,im having sever nausea and hot flashes that wont go away ,,i woke up this morning at 5.30 am to stagger for pain aids,,my feet and hands will not stop with the radiating pain (RA) i cant walk to well,my joints in my feet are just no good,,i cant walk with out anything on my feet,im a barefoot girl too,,,its just not my style, this RA business.
so i am looking for a dentist now that can wok w/ me,,i have to get my old tooth pulled fromk my back,,and my prednisone makes my teeth chip so badly that i just MUST have some order restored in my mouth before i go crazy, i keep bitting my toung from where my crown fell off and the tooth is so sharp under there,,damnit its always something... im like a old car now,,everythings starting to go,,LOL! but its true,,even tho my mind thinks im only Ohh about thirty now,, i dont know about this growing up thing,,and how to do it,,i can only be myself and its a little immature,,but i NEVER would want to hurt anyone adn judge anyone or be evil in anyway,,i care about how i make ppl feel,,i enjoy happy times with all,,even when im crtynig and laying i8n the hospitial,,i still crck up the doctor an make kelly laff too,, im just a suilly girl,,and its just crazy that i have to see my body falling apart while i used to have it all under control,,and and i was so strong and healthy,,shit i feel like my insides hurt,(organs) and it makes me think im gonna die and i should make out my will,,, i must take time to think of all my people and (past and present) and make out some paper type will that ensures people i KNOW GET a peice of me after im gone,,i hope i come back as a happy kitten in a real nice house and all i do for twenty years is live- enjoy eat-streeeeech - play- sleep- catch a bug or two-
and watch the people who own me just spoil the crap outta me,,(like we do to star-e-and booboo) its calle KARMA, u get what you deserve,,,,that attitude keeps me good.
just look at her(star) hard life,

its Friday and i have 2 appointments today
one at 9.00am,(can we talk) *shrink
and another at 2.30pm,with a newdoctor who is at bedlam,,(finally got in -i found the magic password)
sinus matters are bad,,puffy eyes and runny nose
Kelly's feelin' better,we gotta get our car looked at,,its leaking anti freeze bad
RA has been at a minimum,,i did realize that the only thing that really is a bother is my neck,same ol' area,,,
I woke up w/RA in elbows and neck and hands but i still feel like its going away,,somehow,,its leaving me,,I'm glad,,it really seems like its trying to go away...
i starte the plastic over the porch windows then went to pick up kell at 4.30 yesterday,,and we finished up the windows,,TONITETHE FREEZE IS COMING hate that! the cold hurts me,,i do so much better in this kind of temp .. 60---70 degrees where is it 70 degrees all year around,,so i can move there,,cannot stand the winter.
POLITICS ---getting strange,,i see everyone is going crazy still,,OMG its insamne,,i feel like we should take outr bumper sticker off because we mite get attacked over it..?...
we have a friend who said she went to the gun show--well,,everyone there bought everything UP and they were all saying how Obama is going to take away the guns,, well,, i told her that both
obama and mcsame were under the control of NWO -Carlyle group-the CFR and the Bilderburgs- and Bohemian grove ppl - i asked have you heard of any of these groups who control it ALL
she said nope,, she thinks im crazy- but hey point is,,
NO MATTER who it is,, the plan is
1.get the guns away from Americans.
2.order out of chaos
3.to kill 2/3rds the people
then the left overs will be stong as they have flushed out all the weak people,,these left overs are going to be a asset .in ways toooo complicated to go on and on here..
but i know about all of this thu all the things i read underground and i believe it,,i do,,
chem trails are Suspicious
and plastic in water bottles - soda bottles is a sure slow way to kill alot of us,, with sickness that comes from plastic and chemtrails

back from the shrinks,i cried there talkin to her again..i cried about myself and how stupid i am about everything...i mean,,im very immature and i was talkin about that,,and i cried,,,,then i cried again whenii said i dont want to be a bother, and i want everyone to like everyone, and i want life and everything to be .. to be equal for everyone,, i wish i was not so black and white with everything,,i have no gray areas,,and i need t find the gray,,she wants me to try to stay away from things that excel my agitation,,like politics,,and the news and all this food shortage coming and how we wont be able to pay for anything in the future as cost go higher and higher

*she is a good therapist indeed*

we pay for electricity and for natural gas,,in this house,and this house is falling apart,,i see where we need to redo everything like pluming and walls and ceiling --its alot of work,,and it all be doe by now if i did not have RA! damnit.

tomorrow is october 14th and im excited about the mothership comming to our planet..i really hope this is happens ,,im watchin XFILES (the new movie) 2nite
http://www.10-14-08.blogspot.com/


cattails
RA in my knees and ankels and feet

my fingers have relly been hurting *(tips) and my feet are cold and numb -its been like this the whole weekend,,i could not join angela joy and kelly for dinner out as i seem to be so swollen adn tender everywhere,, my flesh is sensitive nd i have the hurting neck thing again,,kelly said it doesn't look as bad as it did when we went to the hospital for em last week or so,,?
heres a few pics from what time i did havethis weekend:

RA in my neck-sopainful!

"the girl who hates RA"

,,no nononono no not this RA the other RA......
i love this RA ,,really,,its beautiful,,had it tattooed on my shoulder,,but have the angel to over lay it,, as a cover job,i love my tattoo of 's Raphael's Sistine Madonna from the ceiling of the chapel,, i picked that tattoo cherub and had it done in Minneapolis and will never regret it......

i drew this in 2003
me and kelly in 2002-2003

dont know if u can

tell how swollen my neck is,,also, its red and inflamed right on the spine and it hurts to move my head around, or to nod yes or no,,or swing around to look --i look like i need a neck brace...very odd ..very odd-\i "ICED" it and that helped a lot ,i will do that now so i can have my day 'also tho,, im sick with a "bug" i got sick somehow...i have a bad sore throat i'm coughing badly ad i taste infection,,(i know -gross) and feel feverish tooo--- came on strong yesterday...went down fast. i could not make it pt 7.00pm..... dang it,,i probably picked" it " up by being around all the different people,,and hugs hugs hugs his for all my little kids,,,so i noticed i felt "bad - bad " last nite( sorethroat) ,,and i took NYQUIL and got good rest,,but was up at 5 ish- cuz i couldt breathh,,this is a bronchial thing and its DEEP deep sore cough and deeep sore throat...complain-complain-complain,,nawwwwww,,im just making notes,,no complaining here,,man i thank GOD for everyday and greatful for the little i do have.....im sick fer sher tho and i feel crappy ,,,coughin' ,, ,owchieee --- my lungs are hurting----good thing i dont smoke anymore!

its very early on tuesday, heres what ive beeen doing withmy "spare time"
this cat is LOVED! BOOBOO has ringworm so ive been caring for all 3 try to control it all and its very hard to do,, and its wearing me out..but thats totaly OK as long as i win the battle and i am so far,,i just have to control it. bleach bleach bleach-
PEPPERS from our neighbor JAMES (love that nameJames)
we visited on saturday,,he came over to ask about our OBAMA signs,,tina gave him 2 of them,,tina went back to the democrat headquarters,,just round the block,,LOL! and bought all they had and we gave them out to our neighbors ((( its a OBAMA BLOCK))-nice feeling.
im growing african violets - Vicky is teaching me how to grow these delicate lil thaaangs... i swear if u touch a leaf on this it will die! they dont like to be touched at all,, but OH SO PRETTY-



im growing black pearl peppers
from patsy's seeds (its going well)
http://www.usna.usda.gov/Research/BlackPearl.html


=========================
aboutthe RA:

click on pic to enlarge, places that very tender on my feet.
my NECK its the most bothersome now and its been a week maybe? seems like ive been complaining of neck pain now for some time,,,ohno,,im going crooked in my neck,, i will stop it somehow.
see the swollen area beside myfingers? Ooweeeee

my NECK is bad- it was hurting so bad yesterday((Monday) to the point of nausea again,,its swollen so badly ((i need a corticosteroid shot there ))))) OH MY GOD im up at 5.00 am i iced it to help.
Pain woke me up,,,or elvis did,,..either way,,i thought of my prednisone and how badly i want to take it!!!i got up gathered up meds = (2) 10mg. lexapro -- 17.mg. prednison (down from 20mg.)
(1) DARVON (only 65 mg - no biggy BUT THEY WORK)
i would just do IBUPROPHINE but my neck is painful,,need extra help. UG!!!!
Kelly had a look at my neck, she said " YES, U CAN SEE WHERE IT IS( in my spine) AND ITS SWOLLEN BEYOND the normal,,,i mean yes, U CAN SEE IT" so we took a few pics tyring to
capture it,,,look The RA monster on my spine,,,*scares me bad too gulp*

i sure know how to look and ACT happy dont i?
well,its not even that ,,its like im OK one minuet,im secure and doing OK ,,have faith and hope that we r gonna be just fine...
BUT THEN then a tornado blows thru this house-w/ a loud and detructive wind...

me and kelly are arguing over,,hell i dont know,,i REALLY dont,,,but i DO KNOW that she is distant and not so ... here...lately.
~whenever i get this worked up and shes yellin' = that RA comes on stong,,i feel it right now in my feet so bad ,i must wrap them to walk and now-here comes my elbows again,i thought they were done with RA now that they look deformed ,,but OHNO,,gotta destroy more,,,more,,,more,,,,also my insides have RA / i dont know what or how but i feel my organs hurting and swelling up ,,i get that big spongy belly--here it comes and i want to go find a job SO FUCKING BAD--god now im crying -im so effing worthless
this is comming on because i now have a confirmation of how kelly really feels about me. and its sad.this whole thing is sad..........
its now 11.30 am,,i have to be at the center at 2.30 sharp,,i tried to rest,so i can make it,,but im up now and upset and i am just going to start thinking of what i can do about a job for income,,cuz kelly cant afford this anymore. makes me feel guilty and like when i used to depend on mom,,she was so difficult to live with she made me and my sister feel reaaaally guilty just for asking for anything,,like shoes for our feet or tampax cuz,,we needed them you kow to go to school and all,
she would JUST go off about it,,cuz something else was bothering her,,underneth it all- we, me and mom, have not talked in YEARS (my mom-cry) hell she doesnt even know i have RA,,why bother her with such dull news,,like she cares anyways!
i live for peace love beauty and harmony and im just not seeing that anywhere,,why i dont do much art anymore,,my faith is shot-im un-inspired, and depressed about life - my family and this relationship im in,ad y RA and ii want to WORK damn it! i want a job damn bad,-just to be productive and escape from my mind,,i want to stay buzy always, if i stop, i see, and i dont like what i see...im scared now

well this is screwed up,i wrapped and got all ready drove down to YOGA was looking forward to it) and the door was shut and they were already doing TM at 2.31 i did not want to open the door,,i didnt know protocaol and i was insecure that i had to just leave after just standing therelooking around like WTF >ant i do anyting right,, fuckin no womnder kelly wants away from me,,i mean R$EALLY i just try try try ,,but i get futrther and further behind,,in my head in my soul in my body,,,i am needing help bad with straighting things out,,but i just ant talk to anyone at all,,noone,,noone gets to know whats going on in my mind,,WHY>? because i feel like ill get gripped out - or punished for having mixed up thoughts. imnot allowed to slip up in any way or hell is to be paid,,so i try try try to be good and thoughtfull and cause noone any fucking problems,,i never share my opinion about much ,,cuz,,well,my opinion doesnt that important on anything /ifeel broken,and i have no idea what will fix me otherthen
secuity.

ive been having RA severly i my spine again,,it hurts pretty bad and if im not under the influence of DARVON
- then im just to in pain to even think straight....
my neck my feet and elbows(OHsoeffingBAD)
and hands (now its my pinkeys on both hands) ufff, Im hurting badly ever time i walk or actully move about god these arms of mine,,the elbows are not stopping on the pain and they have sever nodels popping up,,i swear they HURT or is it just my elbows really hurting andf fooling me to thinnkits nodules,i SWEAR its the Nodules cuz i feel pain where thety are on the back of my elbows area PIC of my effing elbows (which id like to cut off my arms at the elbows to be done with it)
ALSO my hands and feet kep waking me uP from sleep,i ned to itch them and they burn,,i sapose this is the Neuropathy that Dr Kusi said i have,,yep

hi there,
i have ra,
not like the sun-god but ra, like the life stealer....didYaknow?

another Bad RA day,,i cant type and dont feel good at all
Look at these effing elbows of mine..they hurt and my feet hurt Just AS BAD!

i just love our cats they are so perfect/ kellys really sick and caught it from work,,now we are trying to keep me from getting it,,its pretty bad shes bedbound and deep lung coughs and hurts to talk or breath /OWCHIE / we hope to not spread it.

as for my RA i had to place heating pad on my friggen elbows in order to relax and sleep ,,they have really been the worst lately always sore and red and hot -
i said along time ago as for treatment and me? heres how it plays out=
we go in a punch it (with some kind of treament),right?
it comes back and punches me harder,,so in other words what ebver i do to controll it,,only last for a small time the ra just grows into a bigger stronger monster then the treatment,,so i say back OFF and hang low and just dont bother the RA,,K? kewl.
i also want to mentiopn here that i figured out that my VISION is so poor that i just cannot see w/o those glasses that kelly found -i wear them to see and they only magnify everything..i got so mad about my vision and not being able to see that i statred to cry this AM..i just got all worked up and said to kelly then "reason i cant see is because the vessels im my eyes are inflAMMMED WITH RA im sure" -because sometimes i see almost fine -- and guess what i thinnk i cant swallow because of RA too,,its in my throught,,,however ya spell that word.. its been thru my whole gum area and jaw ,,why not my throught and eyes ,,its non stopable