Sunday, August 31, 2008

I just LOVE this picture,and i MISS MY DADDY! and my lil sista mary too!
i want to sethem and i cant cuz gas cost to much todrive anywhere! WELL,,AND MY DAD IS IN MINNEAPOLIS!
i am here on a early sunday morning- couple of things worth mentioning, i am on this new drug called seriquil, i see its used for hardcore people,,like insane ppl,,(god, i hope she doesnt think im insane-so effing embarrassing) but this artical goes on to say something interesting,,LOOK:
Seroquel Side Effects

Seroquel was first approved for marketing by the FDA in 1997.
Since learning about the potential Seroquel side effects, four medical societies have warned that doctors and patients should be on the alert for signs of Seroquel side effects such as diabetes, and that physicians who are prescribing Seroquel can minimize the possibility of serious Seroquel side effects by screening the patient thoroughly for a history of diabetes, obesity, or hypertension. Although other medications classified as "atypical antipsychotics" increase the risk of diabetes, the highest diabetes risk is associated with Seroquel side effects. ///////
SO can i get diabeties from this drug>??? sounds like i have a chance to develop diabetes-
-----i need no more issues please-----
im feeling this may be another" NEUROTIN experience",,hope not,,i go with the flow and follow doctors orders,BUT if i see side effects i will take note to be sure- cuz i hate drugs really! i do MUCH MUCH better just on my own damnit!
LOOK at this side effect:
Seroquel Anger (damn i DONT WANT ANGER!)
Seroquel is a prescription medication that was originally approved by the FDA in 1997 to treat the symptoms of schizophrenia. Seroquel, was also approved to treat the symptoms of bi-polar disorder. In addition to these two approved uses, Seroquel is prescribed for a number of off label uses including depression, anxiety, Parkinson's disease, Alzheimer's and dementia. Doctors often prescribe medications for uses other than those officially approved, though it is unlawful for a pharmaceutical company to market their product for off-label use. IT MAKES ME SLEEP DEEPLY and i had the weirdest dreams last nite,,i willl write them down later,, well,,no i wont,,because now that im up and running around,i cant remeber my dreams,nightmares, OMG LOOK:
Seroquel anger is a serious side effect that is commonly observed in older patients who are taking Seroquel to treat this very symptom and other injurious dementia symptoms. A research team in England found that patients taking Seroquel for dementia experienced cognitive decline, including Seroquel anger, at twice the rate of patients who had taken a "dummy" pill. Other studies have also found an increased risk for treatment-emergent Seroquel anger in similar patient populations.
Dementia and other neurological conditions that often develop later in life can cause a variety of unfavorable symptoms. Dementia can include a decline in cognitive abilities including memory, concentration, reasoning, and judgment abilities. Dementia is also characterized by psychological symptoms including dramatic mood swings, significant changes in personality and disposition, and a decreased ability to regulate temper. In addition to these symptoms, patients may also suffer from sleep disturbances, motor system impairments, speech and language problems, and altered mental states.
Doctors began prescribing Seroquel and other atypical antipsychotic medications to patients in hopes of reducing these symptoms, particularly those related to personality and other psychological disturbances. Many patients who have been prescribed Seroquel to treat mood swings, temper problems, anger, agitation, and paranoia have actually suffered a worsening of their symptoms as a result of their treatment. In some cases a patient's Seroquel anger improved after terminating their treatment, providing further indication that Seroquel anger is often treatment-induced.
If you or a loved one is taking Seroquel to treat any condition and experience symptoms of Seroquel anger and other unfavorable side effects, you may wish to contact your health care provider at your earliest convenience.
this is from this site
this isnt no laughing matter i need to be careful -i better watch me ...

Saturday, August 30, 2008

its saturday,i woke up to no cats whaaa????????????????/ somthin's wrong here,,at 7.00 am i got up and knew where to find them,,locked out on the front porch-no biggy- happens everynow and then,,they dont seem to care really- me- i just worrie that they dont have water but hell,,its in the middle of the nite,,they just sleep - boo was in and baby and e were outside,lolso sneeky those 2-
kelly is taking a nap now- first saturday she hasnt worked in a while,,im sure,,shes exhausted completly,,
me-im draagging along,,i have so much to do ,,im in the middle of alot of stuff and cant keep my eyes open,,hoping not a side effect from my new 'friend' called 'seriquil' the hard core shrink suggested i give them 2 weeks / see how i feel /we go from there,,ok then ,im so obedient- - looked it up on line and whoah - its hard core stuff - ok then -guess im really crazy afterall,,
and depressed too///god that sux
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Thursday, August 28, 2008

heres what keeps happening to my arms with just the slightest scrap or just me itching my own skin makes this red,,and all ive been told is that its the prednizone doing that...i dunno if thats true,,but i saw it disappear more when i was in the sun there for a while i was outside,,but i got depressed and i couldnt do anything,and anything out side frreakedme out -i know that sounds weird,but i am going thru a real mentally hard timerigt now- i feel worthless nd helpless andlikew a freak -- i really am struglin' onA
day2day basis............
I LOVE THIS cam..i pray for it,,LOL!

over and out,,,,,

Monday, August 25, 2008

its sunday night and i have slept alot today, i ripped my arm/skin open badly today while only picking up a board from a desk we dis-assembled for a lady who came to buy it, its the only time i helped and i barely touched my skin but it shaved my flesh right off - in front of hew 6 yr old and 11 yr old,jesh they were fasciated,&the older one said "why does it do that?" im like,,OMG<,its a LONG story,,
i totaly went into deep shock over it tho- kept my act togetther while taking care of our customers,LOL< then i just went in to a shock and major RA in my clavixal and neck back spine terribly /// it was so painful i thought i was gonna have a heart attack ,because my heart was hurtiug - RA in my frontal rib cage- which is probably costoconjidis again but it could bera in my bones tht are around my neck,,where i swallow- and its effecting my calvical adn the spine behind my lower neck area(same ol' place)-i am scheduled to meet a new srink tomorrow- i need asession,i hope i dont waste time by crying the whole time im there,,(probably will)

Friday, August 22, 2008

ITS STILL FRIDAY: i am into aliens right now-i found a site that has everything i need to obsorb myself with videos of important ppl who saw they have seen the truth.... JOHN LEAR(lear jets) hes the guy im beleiveing - he is friends with bob lazar - lives out in the desert- new mexico or nevada?,,that should ne a hyperlink,,,what is going on w/my hyperlinks - the aliens....

i added a hyperlink to my LINKS section ------>
to the BEST UFO blog on the web now - -this guy does a daily check and writes about any reported UFOs on a regular basis- man, ihope its OK to link to him,,i cant see any place to email for aprroval-

i always say i dont have fibermyala..but i just read this;
Fibromyalgia is a common condition characterized by widespread pain in joints, muscles, tendons, and other soft tissues. Some other problems commonly linked with fibromyalgia include fatigue, morning stiffness, sleep problems, headaches, numbness in hands and feet, depression, and anxiety. Fibromyalgia can develop on its own, or secondary to other musculoskeletal conditions, such as rheumatoid arthritis, or systemic lupus. Diagnosis of fibromyalgia requires a history of a least three months of widespread pain, and pain and tenderness in at least 11 of 18 tender-point sites. These tender-point sites include fibrous tissue or muscles of the: Neck, Shoulders, Chest, Rib cage, Lower back, Thighs, Knees, Arms (elbows), Buttocks. The overwhelming characteristic of fibromyalgia is long-standing, body-wide pain with defined tender points. Tender points are distinct from trigger points seen in other pain syndromes. (Unlike tender points, trigger points can occur in isolation and represent a source of radiating pain, even in the absence of direct pressure.) Fibromyalgia pain can mimic the pain experienced by people with various types of arthritis. The soft-tissue pain of fibromyalgia is described as deep-aching, radiating, gnawing, shooting or burning, and ranges from mild to severe. Fibromyalgia sufferers tend to waken with body aches and stiffness.
Multiple tender areas Fatigue
Sleep disturbances Body aches
Reduced exercise tolerance Chronic muscle pain or aching
OK MAYBE I DO? these are symptoms i have=mingeled in with RA-god,its all the same.

i am totally deeeply hurt and not going into it all here,,butmy soul is black now and i dont believe that i will be over this feeling for a LONGtime ,,its too deep,,im too hurt and disappointed sooo, isee whats going on,,and i see that things ARE NOT OK AT ALL. its all a scam.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

i sure know how to look and ACT happy dont i?
well,its not even that ,,its like im OK one minuet,im secure and doing OK ,,have faith and hope that we r gonna be just fine...
BUT THEN then a tornado blows thru this house-w/ a loud and detructive wind...

me and kelly are arguing over,,hell i dont know,,i REALLY dont,,,but i DO KNOW that she is distant and not so ... here...lately.
~whenever i get this worked up and shes yellin' = that RA comes on stong,,i feel it right now in my feet so bad ,i must wrap them to walk and now-here comes my elbows again,i thought they were done with RA now that they look deformed ,,but OHNO,,gotta destroy more,,,more,,,more,,,,also my insides have RA / i dont know what or how but i feel my organs hurting and swelling up ,,i get that big spongy belly--here it comes and i want to go find a job SO FUCKING BAD--god now im crying -im so effing worthless
this is comming on because i now have a confirmation of how kelly really feels about me. and its sad.this whole thing is sad..........
its now 11.30 am,,i have to be at the center at 2.30 sharp,,i tried to rest,so i can make it,,but im up now and upset and i am just going to start thinking of what i can do about a job for income,,cuz kelly cant afford this anymore. makes me feel guilty and like when i used to depend on mom,,she was so difficult to live with she made me and my sister feel reaaaally guilty just for asking for anything,,like shoes for our feet or tampax cuz,,we needed them you kow to go to school and all,
she would JUST go off about it,,cuz something else was bothering her,,underneth it all- we, me and mom, have not talked in YEARS (my mom-cry) hell she doesnt even know i have RA,,why bother her with such dull news,,like she cares anyways!
i live for peace love beauty and harmony and im just not seeing that anywhere,,why i dont do much art anymore,,my faith is shot-im un-inspired, and depressed about life - my family and this relationship im in,ad y RA and ii want to WORK damn it! i want a job damn bad,-just to be productive and escape from my mind,,i want to stay buzy always, if i stop, i see, and i dont like what i scared now

well this is screwed up,i wrapped and got all ready drove down to YOGA was looking forward to it) and the door was shut and they were already doing TM at 2.31 i did not want to open the door,,i didnt know protocaol and i was insecure that i had to just leave after just standing therelooking around like WTF >ant i do anyting right,, fuckin no womnder kelly wants away from me,,i mean R$EALLY i just try try try ,,but i get futrther and further behind,,in my head in my soul in my body,,,i am needing help bad with straighting things out,,but i just ant talk to anyone at all,,noone,,noone gets to know whats going on in my mind,,WHY>? because i feel like ill get gripped out - or punished for having mixed up thoughts. imnot allowed to slip up in any way or hell is to be paid,,so i try try try to be good and thoughtfull and cause noone any fucking problems,,i never share my opinion about much ,,cuz,,well,my opinion doesnt that important on anything /ifeel broken,and i have no idea what will fix me otherthen

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

im lookin at the CUTEST lil' KITTEN named star right now-OMG shes just so cute about everything she does-shes laying against this keyboard & watching me type,its cute. she loves the curser..

wtf? why dont my links work? i dont have the attn span to figure it out.sux.
my spine(bteween sholderblades and below oxsipital bone hurtZ ALL THE TIME this gives me headaches and plus my sinuses are bad so that adds to the misery...i dont feel well,,i feel really tired to the core,,,the RA kind of tired..sux! i MUST go lay down right this very moment - or possibly "fibromyagia hurtful tired", because my flesh hurts today and it AINT CUZ I DID YOGA YESTERDAY either,,i know the diff,,.....
i woke up 2.15pm-ouchie RA-neck elbows feet and knees and that NEW PLACE- i keep holding my front clavical- it hurts innner and close to my front neck area/ i feel real groogy and alittle sore from the yoga yesterday. im in a "bla mood" and with a pit in my stomach -i took a K to get steady. and D for pain, gotta P/U kelly @ POE =4.30p ..try to wake up and drive - some shots of our beautiful downtown where i want to live a CLOSE to it as possible,,i am attracted to the old buildings and stare helplessly at them ,, i will go and photograph some of the details i see down there,,its all too beaautiful! from the peolple to the walkways and trees and then those buildings, i thnk we have the most beautiful downtown--and its so friendly and all about walking and its just nice all around LOOK:

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

this is a weird coincidence i saw this online at a random site,,,and said WHAT??!!?? like it was talking to me..(they say that when u r crazy --- u think everything is about you or messages are being transmitted somehow---i know this from TV shows- so i may be crazy PLUS with RA and dislexia and ADHD-whew allll that and MORE) ~back to the whole point, here's the scoop:
this is what we call scotty boobear- we call him a LIGAR,and we got that from this movie-and LOOK it even has my name on it-and this is the ONLY PART of this whole movie that we even remember or talk about to this day!,just a little weird i thought!
what i did today:

THIS IS what i did today,,i went to The Center for Individuals with Physical Challenges yesterday and met vickie holler ( again )- she was very kind - and another blessing for me was that i did not have to RE pay to join so she suggested YOGA and the first class was TODAY at 2,30 pm - 4 pm -it was good and i liked it alot heres the link to The Center for Individuals with Physical Challenges,

i also have a sinus headache that just wont quit - i feel so tired right now im going to bed,,i have alot to write - but i cannot do it now--im just to tired

Sunday, August 17, 2008

WOW-i haven't been here for awhile again! Ive been in bed or either doing things that will lead to INCOME money making ideas that take time and allot of pre doing-,,making plants, clearing out that front bedroom closet -and getting the bedroom either-ready for to rent or at least winterize it -i already fixed the ceiling that was about to fall in,,i supported it with that MESH-stuff "woven-fabric" tape type - and plaster. I took my time and climbed all over that big-desk to get up that high,,but i did the best i could and all was fun.
i need to do the windows and hang the drapes BACK UP. i just need those brass rings with clips tho,,I'm out of them,,i need them so badly,,(law of attraction),,i see them coming to Me,,i am holding an abundance of them ,MORE then i need-Oh BOI! yeah! and i just need that to happen so i can hang up some damn drapes! -kinda funni-life is funni-its tricky t00!! i was listening to NPR on way to reasors-grocery store tonite & they were discussing BUDDHIST and what they stand for ,,OMG I LOVE BUDDHIST's very much,they discussed DARMA aka enlightenment,,i love enlightenment,,i was really into listening to it.they said meditation was the best way to achive this "enlightenment"=

how about this for a story:

when i was around 13,or 14 or 15 (god only knows)-my dad and susie,

-------MY DADS SITE-----------------mary, and i all went to take these classes on TM- WOW! YES the realthing too,,by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi & his clan - they spent three or four weeks with about 20 of us ,,we took it VERY serious and learned it well-i am so greatful for that experience-i LOVED IT and use it to this day,,i have my "montra" and all that,,ive explained it to kelly but u really have to "sit and DO IT" inorder to "get it",,its a neat thing and is super helpful for mental clarity-which i NEED!Im on the road to enlightenment!

Friday, August 15, 2008

hi im really out of it,,we both woke up at 5.0 am and have ben up going from that point,now im about to just fall aslep,allergies are bad again,had to take "zertek" again!~~~~~~~~~~~ now its 4.04 PM i just woke up,,i fell asleep and now - i feel SO MUCH BETTER- ,,kelly said to me that i should rest because the tiredness is catchin up with me and ive been getting up so damn early now,,whats up with that? hard time sleeping and bad dreams awake me -

Thursday, August 14, 2008

thrusday 6.03 pm,,me and kell r sitting here feeling REAL tired,,(both) and we r just checking pics i took of "bare naked ladies" (swollen feet and all i limped outthere to get these pics) and Kelly's checkin' her school and email. allergies are at the all time high and we are suffering from that-itchy watery eyes headache from hell and hives and tiredness-enuff bitchin-
LOOK at these pretty "bare nakeds" that are just thriving each year more and more come back- WE LOVE THEM!-they dont last long so i MUST photo them to save the memeory of such pink beauty-hehee(i love pink now-my fav.color)

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

just checkin in,,im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired, i cannot blog now but im posting a picture and be back after this evening wheni have had some tie to rest,,ive been on a binge of NOTE TAKING and GOOD IDEAS that need to be listed,also ive been panting those flowers,,ive just been running crazy keepin up with bleaching everything and tending to elvis and baby and me and kelly,,- E has RINGWORM-SUPERBAD on the BACK of his neck,,mine is about gone,(had small spot on leg and arms) and of course star,,shes well HEALTHY omg=shes just so effing FUNI &cute and god im tired i gotTa go,,afeter uploading,,bbl
back and no better,i am exhausted, i have a pain in my neckthats been RA-ing for about 2 weeks now,,guess its gonna hunker down and eat away at my spine (picture pointing to the area above)

well, i was on my way outta here when i saw email that caught my eye,,about a lady struggling to get by with RA - sounds so much like my story and all the other stories i read about. so sad how we r getting screwed by the government by knowing this is a crippling disease that we cant control and stability is NO MORE_ and they deny our insurance for disability after all we paid into it after all!! ,,i am awaiting my court date in front of a judge too,,i wonder if i should show up in a hoover round- u know & neck-race too,,( i saw that in a movie LOL)

Unable to work, Social Security has rejected benefits for woman
The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Published on: 08/03/08
~Dale Free liked working the deli counter at a Woodstock grocery store but lost that job in 2003 after a blood disorder landed her in the hospital.
Rheumatoid arthritis in her hands and knees and complications from diabetes have made it impossible for her to work ever since, she said.
with a cane. "I'm all the time dropping things because I hurt."
Free also suffers from anxiety, she said. She has plenty to be anxious about.
Social Security has turned her down for disability benefits twice since 2004.
Free has appealed and is waiting for a hearing date.
"There is not a human being who would look at this person and say that she is not disabled," said her attorney Ronald Lowry.
Meanwhile, Free lost her home after her husband of 28 years died from a stroke in 2005.
"We bought a mobile home and we thought we would be able to live in it comfortably for the rest of our lives," Free said. "It just didn't work out like that."
Her sister, Judy Crawford, took her in and buys her insulin and syringes. Free has no health insurance.
But Crawford can't afford Free's arthritis medicine. Or medicine to treat her high cholesterol and anxiety.
In fact, Crawford, too, is struggling financially. Her home is in foreclosure.
"She is trying to talk to the mortgage company so we won't have to move," Free said. "I do worry a lot and I cry a lot. But I wait until I am alone."
THIS story is WAY-WAY-WAY to familiar--way-way-way SAD!! this is america,,but times are changing & what you thought was - is no more ////and now ?? "sneaky doings "of ripping us all off - in the long run/ and BIG picture basicly - just watch,,im talking about food -im talking about our way of life here in america,,nomore, im talking -war possibly global,,who knows,,but shit is hittin' the fan and its blowing scared, kind of,,,, police stae and gobla control over everyone of us (thats left after upcomming population control-they want 1/3rds dead by 2012.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

its a rainy sunday morning, i woke up for some reason,at 2.45 am,,i got up and drank sprite te and heard thunder-THANK GOD-we ned the rain-i checked an s sure enuff it is raining out there! it 's a calm storm 9999999999\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
3.54am, now and star is right here and wont leave the keybord alone so i gotta do this later,,

Saturday, August 09, 2008

*got that weird feeling again,,a strange & deep feeling of something* ~gulp~

Thursday, August 07, 2008

11.15 am appt withDrLuders today((344444444444xssss-that was star across my keyboard),,out at Mortontyyyyyyyy8=STAR COME ON!! off the keyboard,,shes in a wild mood,,we gotta do this later,,byeONE more thing my effing neck is killin me,=RA--- and im sooooooo tired too---
~~~~~~"killed dead -by tiredness"

a clip of me eating a sandwich and i was STARVING: i take HUGE bites,god im weird.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

*God kinda gave me a gift this morning,,i saw a bunch of unplanted trees by this NEW apt building on my way home,,i thought as i drove by,,OMG they r just laying in the sun dying and no ones around so i drove back and took ONE and planted it in our back yard, i have no idea what kind of plant this is but will look it up later -im about to collapse from DARVON,,i had to take 2 because my neck is doing the RA thing again,its the only RA i feel ,,BUT it hurts to move and turn my neck. but never the less i saved that TREE!!!
its take from the rich and give to the poor!