Thursday, September 27, 2007

GUESS WHAT? IM ALMOST 50 YEARS OLD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( feel like 28 or so )
(b-day oct 3rd) i cant believe this Im really gonna be 46 but thats close enuff to 50 so i'm just gonna say 50 and get it over with.

wed was a good day and of course i slept all day. That seems to be the KEY to beating the pain,i've NOT been too bad off in pain 2day or yesterday ,with the exception of my (L) hip always radiating pain-BUT my hands feel OK and feet not so bad either-im happy, it reminds me of when i was normal at 5 years or so ago,,mnore like 6 years ago if i think about it really, damn time flys when ya sleep all nite an day,im the true RipVanWinkel /// i had NO ACTIVITY it was easy going and i was glad.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

i am just SO SICK OF complaining about the pain, i am so SICK OF THE PAIN, the pills are not working very well to supress the pain,,my feet,i can hardly walk
-i cry from the pain in my elbows and feet why does it HURT SO BAD!?!
this RA is really making me crazy in the head, u may not know this BUT i cant type a word without it being backwards i have to go back and check ALL THE tiem,<-unfixed errorSEE!!!
i beleiv its dislexia i have had it always BUT ITS OUT OF CONTROL NOW- every word is backwards transposed whatever ya callit,,this is why i cheat,,like U and r u commin g ? or c u later
or ppl,for pepole

Monday, September 24, 2007

im weak and tired,,today is monday PM an i have slept all day and still feel awful,i have spent time w/kelly and i tried topost a few things online,but im so out of it,,the weather is muggy and hot like around 90 during the day so thats HOT-it makes me sooo sleepy
my skin
is paper thin,why??? see the spots ?- i always get those spots up and down my friggen arms,add the bruses too and i look reeeeeeeal good huh? im falling apart,,ssi sent me a pac to fill out -ug nothing too bad,,

i was to go see mary today but could not walk on my feet again,i still have tape wrapped arund my toes to hold them together,,otherwise i really cant wALK. my feet hurt to just walk on them.

my elbows r still going at it too..

also i hurt inside,all my organs all hurt. and i am nothappy inside,becausei feel so creepy

Saturday, September 22, 2007

ola its sATUDAY im reaaaaaaaal lazy today
~ glad to have kelly around for a change! she has a new class starting,,accounting ICK,,boaaaaring but shes so smart and will get thru just fine no doubt!
ive been up and down with RA and my moods i mean i've been depressed then healed by god thru prayers from my neighbor judal,,aka judy shes so sweet,,she came over here to give me a plant and caught me just A balling on the front porch -tears just streaming,,i was in such pain and was waiting for the oxy to kickin,,she prayed for me and i was healed in the name of jesus// WHY WAS I BALLING???=i went way WAY past time,,, because i fell asleep,,and it always HURTS so bad to wake up especially if its past time for meds,,prednisone and oxy and darvon have been a constant survival technique that i'm worried now about the dependency of theze drugs -really its the the darvon im concerned about,,why? because my tolerance for them it WAY TO HIGHT thats it plain and simple- im smart,,I will figure out a plan -and decrease, until better ...

Thursday, September 20, 2007

rheumatoid caught up with me // i've been super buzy trying to earn money---then while im not doing that,,, I'm recovering from all that activity of trying to earn money, its totally worn me out
my elbows and feet have been absolutely pain-full
infact i have my feet taped now (have been taped for 2 days now ) plus wearing thick socks and i stil hurt! and cant walk /// my left hip has been "deep" and unbearable,,ive been eatingthose darvons like crazy .i crashed out today,i came back here at 8.30am,,and tied up loose ends then slept allll day,, woke up at 3.30 pm UG! pulled myself together -went down-town at 4.20pm -got kelly- then she went to school,i messed around alitle then went back to bed - my elbows are really messing up,,,elvis is sooo sweet i just love that cat, hes so smart and why does he love feet so much,,LOL

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

police state time///IMO=POLICE BRUTALITY and its becoming MORE and MORE -they r being trained as military to subdue and detain,,treat us like animals like a heard of cattle,, with no emotions - damn natzis on steroids ..we r in for a real ride here in america,,i may6 have to move soon..i used to loikke america but now,,unless we gain controll over this police state and get these fucking crooks who are all swindling us big time OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE!!!

i just bet George Washington ben franklin and jefferson are all rolling over in their grave with anger over what we have done to all our forefathers hard work....we soldout danmit,,soldout! week Americans who are dumbed down by the system ..dont know any better and have the odasity to roll their eyes when someone like Kerry Taser Incident....raw footage LOOK'

hardcore,,wheew! really shows how they have "gained the ground" without us knowing,,

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

hello - i got a crazy idea and started a RA group in google,, kinda kool
and heres a pic of me lately;

i feel weird and a change is comming,, i needtooo much sleep and kelly said increase the pred,,BUT i cant because this iswhat will hapen=
i increase by say,,oh,,5 miligrams,,ok thats 25. mg a day now,,(shit i did this a year ago and weabned myself down to 150 NOW back up to 25 MG AND I GO MENTALLLY INSANE (HATE PREDNISONE MENTAL EFFECTS ON ME) theni do OK for about a week,thenits right backto the same olsame ol,,,i NEEED more now,,more pred or more sleep,,it alwaays ends up like this, no matter what i do itcomesBACKHARDER onME -and i go thru hel,,im sotiredof all thast,i want a calm existance- not all this clamity and unsettled crazynesss,,(IHATERA) so thats why i wont go to 25 ml,its just no use,,the bad OUTweighs the good on that idea...

Sunday, September 09, 2007

omg! i could not sleep from the pain of it all (FEET-HANDS=KNEES_NECK),so i got up,,came here-to the machine.
i googled RA, found a site with all kinds of interesting facts, i think i have Peripheral Neuropathy i show all the sings ..heres the scoop:
HOPe its ok to use this ,source is:

heres what caught my eye:
* Peripheral Neuropathy. This condition affects the nerves, most often those in the hands
and feet. It can result in tingling, numbness, or burning.<<---THIS IS WHAT GOT ME
weird tingly itchy type of feeling is almost like electricity to my joints,its a buzzing tingly and spreading while it stays with me. i have this insatiable ITCH * scratchy tingly feeling SO I START TO SCRATCH without any relief, i had to throw my arms and hands under cold running water to help make it stop..
IM REALY tired now so bare i muxt go now,bye.

Saturday, September 08, 2007


Friday, September 07, 2007

i am just not able 2day,,

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Your horoscope for Thursday, Sep 06, 2007

(Sep 23 - Oct 22)
Your key planet Venus has been buzzed by the electric planet Uranus for the past several days, leaving you a bit anxious and maybe even tired. Your desires are not within your control and might not be as socially acceptable as you'd like. Keep in mind that you don't need to ask for everything that you want. Self-restraint will work in your favor.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Vote on the New Hampshire Republican debate - The Debates -

Vote on the New Hampshire Republican debate - The Debates -
been awhile,huh / well,its because we have had alot going on 'round here, and when its not drama or something we MUST deal with ona NOW basis -then im sleeping-it all has worn me out,,all im saying is its about the BUZZ deal thats it,,i see my shrink on wed.i cannot wait,,i only pray i can "vent" & NOT - NOT waste time to cry for the whole hour!
something else,,im feeling reeeeeaaaaal spiritual lately,,dunno why.
something else,, also,i have found a NEW SONG i love it when i stumble onto a XELLENT sound,,this is weird,, i wake up and from a dead sleep((more then just one time,,i can recall 3x forsure))) i HAVE TO SEE WHAT COMMERCIAL is playing this song,,OH all i catch is the end and its a guy messin onhis laptop, sitting on a ROBOT-controlling it walking down a neighborhood street,,itsreal freaky (love robots anyways) so i have the commercial here for all to enjoy,
DELL* bamb!!! >- myspace\itskellyanddeb ..go see!

flaming lips lyrics the wand (You've got the power in there)
(Waving your wand in the air)

Time after time those fanatical minds try to rule all the world
Telling us all it's them who's in charge of it all
I've got a trick, a magic stick, that will make them all fall
We've got the power now, motherfuckers; that's where it belongs

You've got that right!
(Power in there)
You know that it is!
(Wand in the air)

They've got their weapons to solve all their questions
They don't know what it's for
(Because they don't know what it's for)
Why can't they see that's not power, that's greed
To just want more and more?
(Just want more and more)
I got a plan and it's here in my hand; a baton made of light
We're the enforcers, the sorcerer's orphans
And we know why we fight
(And we know why we fight)

You've got that right
(You've got the power in there)
(Waving your wand in the air)

(You've got the power in there)
(You've got the power in there)
(You've got the power in there)
(Waving your wand in the air)

You've got that right!
You know that it is!
about this song
There's an article where Wayne Coyne goes through all the songs on the forthcoming album, and this is the relevant part of what he has to say on this track:

"The idea of a magic wand and magic powers occurred to me while watching a homeless guy in Oklahoma City. He was, I believe, Vietnamese, and had a cool looking wizardly beard and mustache and he carried a long stick, which he used as a kind of cane-weapon. And one day I saw him fighting an "imagined" enemy and the long stick became (as best I could tell) a kind of magic wand that made his invisible foe retreat. I mean... it seemed to give him a confidence that allowed him to defeat his hallucinations...and at first I thought "how sad...he believes this old stick is saving him"... but the more I thought about it, the more I envied him in a way...for the evil manifestations of his mind he invented a sparkling sorcerer's baton to lead his psychic revolution...yes!!...

And so we delved into a kind of radical protest rock mentality...We sing, "We got the power now, motherfuckers, that's where it belongs", but I believe it's cosmically empowering - not actually empowering. In the song, we rail against the greedy, corrupt evil beings who are in control and trying to enslave us... But our rebellion is simply to fight back - we have no solutions."

So yeah, it's kind of a protest song, but it's simultaneously making the point that protest songs don't really offer solutions, and they might be therapeutic to people writing or listening to them, but they can't really change things in and of themselves