Wednesday, August 19, 2009

its thrursady - im so inpain this morning
i gotta see the doc today -2.00 pm appt.
i have not been here at the computer due to my squrming fromthe pain of it all,
i took a whole pain aid (perkadan?) from the dentist and it wz so powerfull i thought i was gonna throw up from it - i gotta break em in half in order to stand the medicine but that'll make em last longer too
im not around the news lately due to stress- i only saw a few headlines and it was enuff to freak me/stress me out.....
china is buying up all the oil
sientists predict a mega earthquake for seattle wa.
FDIC Sees Ag Banks As The Next Big Crisis
my body is falling apart,,and there is no help, my mind is falling apart and there is no help.
this country is turning into something i dont reckonize at all.
my life has turned into something i cant control -so very depressing
i see it all being torn away
i thought i was better but im not, im worse by the day. i have no teeth i cant eat-its so hard to even watch TV because the food is maks me hungry.
i cant bear to watch as everything gets ripped away
my health, my ligfe , my dreams .. i feel the loss of all the ones i thought loved me,i see the reality,its too much for me to bear, it ALL will end soon.
i am so at the bottom of a pit i cant crawl out of
i am starting to believe that ...that there is no hope, where i only had hope, i see that i was only fooling myself -- there is no help,therefore no hope.
why bother with art and beauty and all that,,it makes NO difference
nor does it releive me of my mind and my broken heart.
im just damed for everything. i look back at my life,when i was a kid,i see now,,how mom just let us fall ,,no guiedence, she didnt not teach us anything - she only scared us to death with all her yelling - i knew then as a kid i was in trouble
i dreamed that i would meet my love and stay together forever, and have a lil house with birds and flowers in the backyard,,its all a sham, all a waste of time to even think i was even worth 2 cents. i hate it all now,,i see how i was a fool - and i wasted my youth on searching for a way to make my dreams come true, im a failure

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