Tuesday, August 04, 2009

and some good news in,whew,i thought they were doomed forever,thankGOD this happened on obams watch and clintons time,im shocked about middel class taxes and if OBAMA
does that,,,,,then Kelly wins the bet, she says hes a = fraud,- she says dont fall for the subliminal and hes pulling the wool over our eyes (so to speak )-younger peeps dont know that term. wool over the eyes,,i have no idea how that saying started but its funni and i recall my mom saying that alot,omygod,im sooo turning into my own mother-scary-shakeyshakey
im in alot of pain this AM,i took 2 darvons and just waiting for the stuf to kick in-
i cant make it out to the doctors and i have no idea when i will be able to.sad.
last nite was ruff, tina called- and kelly and her talked all night, i was not able to take it easy yesterday - i had kelly all stressed out and left work at noon,
i need to log this..last monday or tuesday night - i almost died from a heartattack,,i didnt think it was a heart thing but i was unable to move and i had pain in my left shoulder and arm and i was clammy for about three hours-i felt tight in my chest and felt my heart pounding weirdly thru my whole body-
i prayed and thought if i die,, thats fine, BUT i need jesus to take take of these cats,and kell,i cant die until i know they r safe ,
my chest has been tight ever since that episode
i have been pretty weak ,i gotta go slow and not over work and over stress ,,which is whats going on now..stress. and more stress - and even more stress-
( again,,im very scared and making out my will today....)
OHGOD now kelly just called,,she left early yesterday and cant stand it again today - her job sux and they are all abunch of assholes and i cant handel the way kelly is treated up there,,its a bunch of lazy people who blame everyone else for their own doings
kelly gets sucked into it all,,and gives way way way to much to them,,she should hold back some but,,i knw her,,she gives them her last effing dime and thats TOO MUCH ,,mygod save some fer yerself (i aways say to myself BUT not outloud or id be in a argument from hell for days)
,,its not worth my stress and heart,so i just say nothing and think of something so i wont show my thoughts on my face,,or i will pay dearly - sux the biggest one ever.
just thinking about my whole life SUX,i have no meaning -no purpose -no fun,,no happiness no beauty,always crying and stressed and sad and blocked. its un natural and un healthy and im not happy at all,,or greatful for any of this,why should i be greatful,,ive lived this way for too long and always without / im SiCK SICK SICK of being greatful for poverty,,fuck this shitOH and i will find a fucking job now,,im not about to go down with out a fight. im pissed off
i wish i would get abducted by aliens

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