when i see her in the morning i say,,look, shes grown over nite

im here and it took awhile for me to get going, it hurt to walk on my feet.
i just got back from dropping K off. i am worried about money again, im trying to sell things we dont need, like the mitre saw downstairs and the black antique chairs from patsy-- right now, no ONEs buying anything,craigslist is slow and tulsa sells and recycles is slow- no ones buying.
i still am on a news ban,due to the anxiety it creates, the weather has cooled down abit-more like fall now,,im hoping it stays like this until time for winter,that would be nice. i cant stand the heat on methotrexate - i just step out for a second and i bust out in this awful sweat,its so unbearable.
worried about the info i find everywhere,hes a craigslist memo i stumbled on to and read it word for word, (back to stashing stuff in the basement for survival):
--------------------
New World Order (Everywhere)
Date: 2009-08-27, 10:41PM MDT
Reply To This Post
EVERYONE! After years of conspiracy theorists screaming about the New World Order, those like Michael Moore and Alex Jones were labeled "Nuts" by the general media. However, as recently as July 2009, an Austrian journalist named Jane Bergermeister has published information and filed criminal charges with the Austrian government and the US FBI claiming that FEMA, WHO (world health organization), Obama Administration and an Austrian pharmaceutical company named Baxter are trying to commit mass genecide by unleashing a bio-weapon (the H1N1 virus); other scientists who confirm her story that the H1N1 virus was genetically engineered by Baxter (and the WHO group); she also claims that Obama and FEMA will declare Marital Law and force upon the American public - a lethal vaccination (also created by Baxter) causing mass genecide. Other sources confirm that any resistors will be taken to FEMA death camps - concentration camps worse than the NAZI concentration camps. The FEMA trains are designed to house hundreds of people (in shackles) and to gas people right in the compartments; the FEMA camps have no accommodations for housing, dining or sleeping quaters - ONLY gas chambers and incinerators; (watch the youtube videos and see for yourself). In recent speeches, Obama and his administration have voiced overtures of Martial Law; he and his new health care advisers are advocating euthenasia. How much clearer can the signs be. By all credible reports from scientists, civil rights watch groups, investigative (foreign journalists, we are about to be in a STATE OF EMERGENCY within the next few weeks! Obama and FEMA will be declaring Martial Law in about 3 -6 weeks! (no later than October - if that!) THIS IS NOT A JOKE! PASS THIS ON TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN! DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH ! Giving up ONE night of TV to do a little homework - could literally save your life; and your family! Attached is an html file with a list of BOOKMARKED links - From reputable VERIFIED sources about the upcoming MARTIAL LAW that is ABOUT to be perpetrated on the AMERICAN PEOPLE - in order to take over this country and SUSPEND the US Constitution! THERE IS NO BIRD FLU Pandemic - except the one that was genetically engineered by Baxter Pharmaceutical, FEMA and WHO; They will then make it MANDATORY that people take (deadly) VACCINE - which will kill people; Those who resist will be taken to FEMA "detention" camps (and really death camps)! Many in Congress are unaware of FEMA's & Homeland Security Agency's Plans, but factions of the US Gov -under the guise of FEMA have been planning these Concentration Camps for Years! They plan to use Martial Law to murder American Citizens and decrease the population! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyQvXZzAa3M&feature=related Check out the LINKS in the attachment - watch the videos! I repeat - THERE ARE DEATH TRAINS - to take people to DEATH CAMPS Not work or detention camps (there are NO Housing Accommodations , just gas chambers and incinerators!; They don't even have those in Guantanamo Bay -for the REAL terrorists! so what the HELL are these facilities doing on AMERICAN SOIL ! ?? for YOU and YOUR FAMILY! That's who! Google REX87; Again, These videos are DOCUMENTED EVIDENCE by reputable scientists, JOURNALISTS and congressmen; This is not hype, this is not crazy; this is not radical talk! THIS IS REAL! We are going to experience FAR WORSE than what was perpetrated by Nazi Germany during WWII It will most likely take you a few hours to go through the links. Be sure to watch all of the Youtube videos, first in order to get a quick overview of what's going on. (SEE the criminal complaint filed by Austrian Journalist, Jane Bugermeister against FEMA, and Baxter Pharmaceuticals); http://www.theflucase.com/downloads/Microsoft_Word__Criminal_Charges__Swine_flu_edits_v2_1_.pdf BUT ONCE THINGS START TO HAPPEN- and there is a military presence in your area - DO NOT ! I REPEAT ... DO NOT! EXPOSE YOURSELF TO ARREST! go into seclusion; do not voice protests (by yourself) ! do not voice anti-government sentiments! ( pack what you can carry (backpacking) just take your family and LEAVE! - or join neighborhood watch groups! Hopefully there will be still some remaining in Government or Congress who can take action and suspend this ILLEGAL Martial Law. If you act alone - YOU WILL BE SINGLED OUT! ARRESTED, TAKEN TO FEMA CAMPS - AND KILLED! What you CAN do is write only trusted REPRESENTATIVES IN Congress! (one is Rep. Peter DeFazio - Oregon, and those congressmen on the Homeland Security Committee) send them links to information! Do it anonymously if you have to! They're probably asleep at the wheel if they are in office and they are not aware of these FEMA Concentration Camps! or what FEMA, Obama, and Clinton have been planning all along! But there ARE STILL some people in CONGRESS that are honest and decent citizens who want to uphold the US Constitution! Maybe it's too late for them to do anything now??! Maybe they still can??! ! There are still some in the military who have no idea why or WHAT the buildup IS FOR! They truly believe there is a "natural" Swine flu epidemic! They that THINK they are doing the right thing! You won't KNOW WHO you're dealing with! DO NOT TAKE ANY SHOTS OR VACCINES! DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO BE VACCINATED! IF YOU ARE FORCED- MAKE A SCENE! IN PUBLIC! How can you take action to protect your family? 1) start hoarding some CASH NOW! and things to trade or barter - jewelry, staples, gold, etc. for immediate TRADE; they won't be much good afterward when Martial Law is enforced. 2) Start STOCKING UP and buy at LEAST 1 or 2 MONTH'S WORTH OF WATER, FOOD STAPLES, canned goods (fresh vegs & fruit but won't last long) (Ensure, Gator Ade, canned vegs, Powdered Milk, bottled water or a REVERSE OSMOSIS WATER SYSTEM, Protein Powder, beans, rice, pre-packaged vacuum sealed food if you can get it online); CANDLES, CANNED GOODS! BATTERIES, FIRST AID ITEMS, CRITICAL MEDICATIONS; masks (gas mask, tyvek suit, filter masks) (all utilities, phone, TV, internet will most likely be suspended). (after that you will most likely be mobile on foot); Do not drink TAP WATER or store bought bottled water AFTER the Martial Law is declared! FILTER YOUR OWN - with a portable commercial grade - REVERSE OSMOSIS UNIT! One that you can take with you - if you are mobile. BUY NON-GMO SEEDS PACKETS ONLINE! (many new seed are terminator seed and will not grow new plants from the seeds of that harvest of plants. or they will have no new seeds at all); they will try to starve the masses; stock up! Find an underground shelter or places to hide/hoard food if possible. 3) at the first signs of trouble - on the news or in your neighborhood -STAY HOME FROM WORK! KEEP YOUR KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL! 4) IF YOU ARE TOLD TO EVACUATE - DO NOT GET INTO TRAINS -OR FOLLOW THE CROWDS! TAKE YOUR FAMILY AND FLEE ON YOUR OWN ! do NOT be herded WITH CROWDS; 5) If you can afford a short wave radio or HAM radio and a CB radio- GO BUY ONE! now! (the internet will probably be suspended); GPS unit (will probably not work for very long - they may jam the satellites); a compass; satellite phone (although probably won't work for long); a LORAN (yes, an old fashion boat LORAN system); 6) If you can afford a small diesel generator or hydro (water) generator - buy one! maybe a small one that you can carry; portable sterno units; matches, lighters. 7) Same - if you can afford to buy a small portable (mobile) solar powered appliance recgarger or phone recharger - so that you can carry it with you! (forget your cell phones! they won't work! batteries); (there are water powered batteries -(hydro electric batteries) online - if you are serious survivalist - these are worth it); 8) This may sound nuts but, search out caves; or go to a remote island or country; if you can, hire a sailboat with a captain if you don't know how to sail); or if you know someone with a sailboat - better make some plans for a LONG TRIP! again get an old fashion LORAN system; again - satellites will be jammed and the newer systems won't work! a good reliable "chronagraph" watch and a good compass will do just as well! (read the book "Longitude" to learn how to use them); if you can afford a vacation - go sometime in Sept - before things start to happen. 9) survivalist or camping equipment - Swiss army knife/tool set; 10) PORTABLE water purifier; with extra filter cartridges 11) maps & survivalist manuals 12) GUNS - Look what happened during Katrina - looters, crazies; If people stick together during this time- and help one another - we WILL SURVIVE this! We can lie low - and peacefully help one another, and wait out the "FLU"; if FEMA authorities come for YOU or your family (for no reason) you KNOW they are up to no good! - YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO PROTECT YOURSELF. IF you are able to FIGHT - do so! EVEN WITH UN TROOPS ALREADY STATIONED HERE ON AMERICAN SOIL ...#1 THEY ARE OUT NUMBERED BY US! #2 It is against the US constitution for American Troops or foreign troops for that matter - take up arms against American Citizens on American Soil; AS AMERICAN CITIZENS WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS. WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO FILE CRIMINAL CHARGES AGAINST TREASONOUS ACTS AGAINST THE US CONSTITUTION. FEMA IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL! FORCED VACCINATION IS A VIOLATION OF OUR CIVIL RIGHTS! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution THE SECOND AMENDMENT OF THE US CONSTITUTION GIVES US THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Use it or lose it people! REMEMBER WE OUTNUMBER THEM! DON'T BE HERDED TO DIE IN A DEATH CAMP! 13) again - things will probably start to take place around Sept / October - Keep your kids & family close to home; listen to your shortwave radio - PBS (public radio, Alex Jones, or any other trustworthy internet news source; if people start to go "missing" or it is reported that people are disappearing (most likely prominant outspoken talk hosts who speak out against FEMA or the Obama Administration - BE PREPARED to take your family - and leave! Go somewhere remote; if you are still able to leave - take a vacation to FIJI or some remote place; but get the HELL out of town while you can still leave! FIND CAVES; visit a foreign country (Asia, France said it WILL REFUSE TO DECLARE MARTIAL LAW); DRIVE remote roads (or motorbike); hike, take a sailboat, a private plane, or any unusual means of transportation that you can - Because you will most likely be taken custody at public airports; YOUR CELLPHONE CAN BE TRACKED! ditch it! 14) If you don't already OWN A GUN - GET ONE! iT'S ALSO a good idea to start taking some shooting lessons. join a shooting range or a gun club! 15) PRAY; PRAY ALONE; PRAY IN GROUPS; joint MASS PRAYER groups! It worked during WWII - it will work AGAIN! If you do nothing... (if you do not even research this to see if this is all real) - you will probably join the masses - for whatever they have in store --- for you!
Location: Everywhere
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

star is beautiful. Felis domesticus .shes a tortoiseshell kitten.

im back from the grocerystore,i had to go before it got too hot today,we r outta everything
and the kitty's want supersupper bad....spoiledrotten
two days from the dose and i feel mucho better,,the pills really make me feel queeezy and awful until it all disovles and gets into me,,i almost want to inject metho again,because its tearing up my stomach,i spend the whole nite on the toilet with diarrhea feeling but no action,,???
i always say in the moment that its JUST NOT WORTH IT,,but then after it fades away i feel stronger and more like the old me--- before all this RA stuff hit. RA is my "katrina"
*my elbows and hands r lookin more like RA lately--i noticed my knuckels on the steering wheel while driving - i have to learn to keep them down (outta sight)or i worrie someones lookin at em,,its creepy.

methotrexate
took my pills last nite ((dr. increased the dose-now im taking 4 pills)

i feel creepy and sick,,after i took the pills last nite,i became sooo sick and queasy i had to go lay down- i slept and woke and slept and woke and selpt and woke up over and over
not a good night at all, when the alarm went off it was very hard to get up.,.my neck and feet were so painful and i went straight for the perkidan,(half a pill-they r too strong 4 me)
so i took 1= 5 mg.prednisone, 1=1/2 perkadan, 1 darvon, 1=penicillin and about NOW,40 minuets later i can think and move
i understand the pain and depression going together,, sometimes it hurts so bad that i cant even talk straight,,i mix up words and say everything backwards
example i called the vacuum cleaner a refrigerator, i called pants shirts and other stupid things like that ,,ts very embarrassing and humiliating
i am clammy and hot allthe time,,OR im freezing,,i told K that my body's thermostate is jacked up bad. i also told the doctor,,but she doesnt give one ounce of a damn, she minimises EVERYthing and even said this about the methotrexate
" its kind of like chemo= " OMGOD,,IT IS CHEMO u ...u..nevermid ,,i cant believe i have to see such inadiquit doctors,,and NO mention of removasl ofcateracks,,they just let me go on like this,,i guarentee U that if i had INSURANCE id see a whole other dside to all this,,.like removal of catreracks,,and possible fix for my neck-what ever that would be?? AND id sure as hell have no teeth falling outta my mouth
all of my teeth on the bottom are loose as can be,,it scares me to eat food,,bite into anything
and i could loose a effing tooth,,its so end of the road BECAUSE its WELFARE and it is nothing to be dependant on --
its just NOT worth it,i want medicare and i cant get approved,,and i dont know why>? HELP me lord.
-------------------------
Methotrexate's Drug Class: Methotrexate belongs to the drug class known as DMARDs, or disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drugs. DMARDs slow the progression of rheumatoid arthritis and other rheumatic diseases, and help prevent joint damage.
Methotrexate was developed as a leukemia drug in the 1940s. The drug was considered experimental in the 1970s. It was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to treat rheumatoid arthritis in 1988.

had to be at the DDS at 8.30 this morn,,got two stitches removed and i feel queeezy now,,gotta rest bbl

MARS is visible in the nite sky,, just right of the MOON

ohgod,,its a sinus kinda day,,and it has been a sinus kinda month im too ADD/ADHD lately to sit still,,im running all around trying to find help,,job,,extra money food clothes and everything else ....and its wearing me out

im spending time doing online surveys for now i talked to my mom,,kelly googled her and then dialec the number she habnded the phone to me and i was scared to say anyhting,, i heard her voice and immediatly i cried for my momma we talked for two hours and made plans to go visit in two weeks (holiday ) we will go up and see her - im very excited about that too.

its been too long and our whole point was this is whats important,,right here and NOW -

i think it'll help my soul to have my mom back, i played neil diamond thisa sunday morning and it made me cry,,thats when kelly said call yer moma! and i said OK,,after 8 yrs of her tryong to get me to look at this whole abandonment deal as what it is,,nothing but silly things get in ther way of our goal in life,,which is to secure love and live with love,, im proud of kelly for popening this wound and showing me that it doesnt really hurt at all,its a good thing -- so i said lets do it.

im glad

its thrursady - im so inpain this morning
i gotta see the doc today -2.00 pm appt.
i have not been here at the computer due to my squrming fromthe pain of it all,
i took a whole pain aid (perkadan?) from the dentist and it wz so powerfull i thought i was gonna throw up from it - i gotta break em in half in order to stand the medicine but that'll make em last longer too
im not around the news lately due to stress- i only saw a few headlines and it was enuff to freak me/stress me out.....
china is buying up all the oil
sientists predict a mega earthquake for seattle wa.
FDIC Sees Ag Banks As The Next Big Crisis
my body is falling apart,,and there is no help, my mind is falling apart and there is no help.
this country is turning into something i dont reckonize at all.
my life has turned into something i cant control -so very depressing

--------------------------

i see it all being torn away

i thought i was better but im not, im worse by the day. i have no teeth i cant eat-its so hard to even watch TV because the food is maks me hungry.

i cant bear to watch as everything gets ripped away

my health, my ligfe , my dreams .. i feel the loss of all the ones i thought loved me,i see the reality,its too much for me to bear, it ALL will end soon.

i am so at the bottom of a pit i cant crawl out of

i am starting to believe that ...that there is no hope, where i only had hope, i see that i was only fooling myself -- there is no help,therefore no hope.

why bother with art and beauty and all that,,it makes NO difference

nor does it releive me of my mind and my broken heart.

im just damed for everything. i look back at my life,when i was a kid,i see now,,how mom just let us fall ,,no guiedence, she didnt not teach us anything - she only scared us to death with all her yelling - i knew then as a kid i was in trouble

i dreamed that i would meet my love and stay together forever, and have a lil house with birds and flowers in the backyard,,its all a sham, all a waste of time to even think i was even worth 2 cents. i hate it all now,,i see how i was a fool - and i wasted my youth on searching for a way to make my dreams come true, im a failure

found this at my old site from 2003.

got this via E mail today,i had to laff

((ya know the germans always make great stuff))

alot has been going on here, wiht this RA and all,,i spent last saturday at the abstract copmany,,i posted properties for 3 hours, to see if i could doit PT,,well,,i love the job, BUT i cant hold my head iin the way you need to to log everything,,its a easy job and i could work PT they totally need the help,, i was so disapointed about my neck- im going again this sat to try again,,ifi can pull this off,,i can work there PT and already know the job,,they could hire me and ill be good to go,,no training needed __ great plan that kelly came up with.
Upper left back two teeth,(including my wisdom) had to be pulled again yesterday,,i called everywhere and looked online for a dentist cheap and around here,,of course the lord led em to a dentist on utica and they were all so nice,,NO partronizing or making me feel bad because of the issues im having
heres the website:
http://www.tulsa-smiles.com/HTML/doctors.html
the dentist was sooooooooooooooo NICE and careing,he knew i was alittle touchy and about to breakdown the whole tiem,,i wanted to say,,Ill come back,,but i hung in there and he yanked out two bad teeth in the back of my mouth,SO yesterday i was SICK fromall that,i could not even make it up to get my prescriptions,,i was too sick and sweaty - hot - it was so humid and unbearible and its gonna be like that again today,i MUST go to utica square MED-X and get my medicine PINICELLIN and PAINAIDS,i already had penicilkin from the last time i went to DDS
so i took what i had and layed on the sofa

watched a documentary called the "healing power of flowers"

I FOUND IT ,,there are clips on YOUTUBE:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6u8uRYIcGQ

its the lady who is doing the experiments,,its good news for me,,i like this and believe in the power of plants-while watching the docu,i said,,"she would be called a witch and killed for this in the darkages" heres the official website:

http://www.bcvideo.com/bhpf.html

i have not been spending much time here at my machine,,cuz i have been withy such a bad headache now for days and days (thinkin its a sinus infection) i feel nauseia when i sit here,,like i need "dramamein" or whatever its called --its gotta be sinuses.

im worried about my dad, he doesnt seem well,,i need to find a way to go to minneapolise this fall and visit. i miss him so badly and want to see him,i want to talk with ,about the stars and the solar system

(hes very knowledgable and realistic about things) He used to tell me as a kid,,"your imagination is running away w/ you again" i miss trying to be perfect for him- where most people would complain about the pressure a parent puts on ya,,i would welcome it,,i just love my dad and i never got to spend the time i want to with him,,hes a buzy guy (computer programer) i am putting all of my energy into "a job for debi" i need some responsibilities and some dang money,,ill take anything for a job,lie, ha -i wanna do this right,,i need somplace thats not too laborish,,and no standing for ever,,i have to have a sit down and do something job..Gloria said i should look into sitting with sick ppl..thats good,,but i dont see anyhting like that in tulsa jobs online or offline(networking thru ppl) i will find the right placefor me to be ,,i just goitta keep my mind and eyes OPEN *had to retype mostof this dueto typeOs-getting worse then ever now*

wow- biwer-park

awww so tiny

ahhhhhhhh i am weak and RA'd out- i took my methotrexate last nite and it made me soo sick,,i cant describe the feeling it gives..i was a day late to take it so i was weak before taking it,,then it desolved into me and i felt the metho - feeling- it makes me clammy and hot and my stomach hurt -i feel really weak and feel really microwaved,,thats the only way to describe it,,like im in the miocrowave oven,,my insides hurt and feel electric,i dunno... im still queeezy from it /didnt want ot get up today.i hurt and when my feet touched the ground - i almost cried form the sweeling and the pain in my feet.

knees have been hurting for days ,,i cant bend up and down realwell,, its bad on my right side and right shoulder too - cant raise up my arm wihtout pain.

i see i am bleeding real wasy ,,i had a misqitoe bite on the top on my foot,,i was just ithching it when i noticed a wet feeling,,i look down and a river RIVER of blood,,and it wouldnt stop,,then other things OK like,,little scrapes and then i bleeeeeeeeeed and cantstop it, put flour to coagulate it,,like i did formy little finches when i cut the toemnails too short,little presious birds.

i LOVE birds,speaking of birds,,we havcve a nest ofhummingbirdsa nd they are hovering around the flocks and taking nectar from them,,we can sit above the flowers on the porch and watch mom and babies just zip around like crazy,,i thought it was a bumble bee,,thats how small the babys are soooo little tiny- tiny and cute.

nature is the neatest thing -- im still morning for the loss of the old tree they cut down,bastards.....

apcolypse means a veil is lifted

my shoulders knees and feet are in my way-metho is ready to be picked up,,but i may have to wait until tonitetoget it,, kellys stresed cuz shawnys not acting rihgt at work,,shes twisting off and
and also got her friend hired who is a druggie and a looser, its alot of tension up there and and its
bringing people down,,it affects the attitudes
everyone there (everyones gripping-how embarrassing for her)
USA is freakingout ,,townhall meetings gone mad
what i see here is a bunch of ppl who dont wanna pay for someone elses abortion its
what they keep gripping about-MYGOD we r already doing that,who else pays for the times someone else cant -i cant understand how people think they got a good deal right now,,with premiums so effing high - and the cost of anything at hospital is just unbelievable-this country is freaking out completely - i swear i do not see a future after about five yrs form now ,,its probably why i see the world ending becaus4 i hear its gonna get worse - and they R lying about the unemployment too,,they claim its leveling off,,riiiiiiiiiiight.
found this

murder of a tree

here's the tree that the "so called "christians"-killed -murdered for no reason,,im no treehugger ,,but this was pure slaghter of a living breathing creature called an OLD OAK TREE

in my book-thats just plain wrong - it could have been trimmed way back and this poor OLD tree could have lived-our shade is GONE!

its so effing hot inside now,,this tree provided shade for three homes,,and now,,we r all exposed,i wanted to be positive about it,,i said,OH good,,now i can see the UFOs better,,more sky towatch and photo.-it nmessed up the fung shui completly

it sux.

also has anyone else noticed how everyones killing them selves and their family,,another murder suiside in az. i think

family's are commiting suicide in america now and ppl are going crazy and shooting in public places - looks like the chemtrails are working,,everyones going insane,PLUS

kellys smart brother said hes suicidal now and so is tina ( she told kelly this on the phone )

its getting outta hand

im sure the PTB r very pleazed w/ their work.

========================

todays UFO watch-

BBC captures amazing UFO on camera (Video)

http://www.thetechherald.com/article.php/200932/4209/BBC-captures-amazing-UFO-on-camera-Video

wow!!

politicalstuff going on now ((crazy crazy crazy))
CEO Characterizes H1N1 Non-Believers as “Group of Crazies” On Flu Pandemic- im a crazie
its all a scam for the love of freggin MONEY,,millions to be made w/the vaccine,,i do not think for one second that they care about us,,riiiiiiiiiiiight, and there is a santa.clauz -

looks like they are using it as a TEST' - see what happens w/ all this.

i had kelly watch KNOWING w/ me last eve,,it was as great as the first time i saw it. ,soo many things in the movie that play right into what ive been saying all the while,,BEFORE the movie came out,,i had a tear for the for the end,,its about adam and eve,,it shows the sun shooting the plasma radioactive shit as i know is gonna happen - its just a mater of time,and i believe this is prophecy hollywood style. epiphany while watching it the second time - not about the annuniki shown,not about the adam and eve thing,not even about the beautiful alien ship,but about the title "KNOWING" ,i feel like i know,kelly said that its everything ive been saying for a few yrs now-ive been so re-occupied by space and planets and watching the sky and the sun activity,,i have no reason why im intersted ,,i just became that way over the past 3 yrs,,i recall talking 2 kelly back in 03 that i had dreams of us burning up and everything was on fire,i told her i wanna go undergound, she recalls that very talk,and how i was soo scared of my dream. i said" we gotta get outta here" move to another country before its too late" i am supposed to find out where the safest place is,,i say DENVER COLORADO & Dulce, New Mexico are the - the safest place, massive underground tunnels into the mountains that reach far far below ground,,its the only hope.
BUT then on the other hand,,just save myself all the trouble and go with the flow and dont worry about getting to safe grounds,,its not gonna matter and i aint going anywhere w/o these lil babys named e-boo and babystar - i have to protect them and i couldnt live wiiht myself if i abandon them for hell on earth,,they are important to me, they r precious life that cant be abandoned/ left behind.

------------------------

Recent crop circles in the U.K. seem to be about a giant solar flare occurring soon. And a prophecy of the Bible Book of Revelation and also Isaiah in the Old Testament on the possibility of a giant solar flare scorching the earth with great heat. The sun seems to not be following its normal cycle, where there are very few sunspots over the last year, so an unusual solar flare is possible.Copyright 2009 by T. Chase. From the Revelation13.net web site, for more on this see Revelation13.net (Revelation 13: Prophecies of the Future, Astrology, Nostradamus, Bible Prophecy, the King James version English Bible Code).

source:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/3032441/do_crop_circles_and_prophecies_predict_a_giant_solar_flare_soon/

another site:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x12grg_countdown-to-doomsday-solar-flares_shortfilms

matt laurer explains coronal mass ejections

wow,,so cool

i love aliens / i reaaaaally do, wish they would come for me.

i JUST found this :http://ufocasebook.com/bestufopictures2.html

1965-Tulsa, Oklahoma. A large wave of UFO sightings occurred in 1965 in the US. From coast to coast strange low flying flying objects were reported almost nightly by people of all ages and walks of life. As the year progressed, the number of reports rose dramatically. On the night of August 2, 1965, thousands of people in 4 midwestern states witnessed spectacular aerial displays by large formations of UFOs. That same night a multicolored disc was photographed in Tulsa, Oklahoma, while several persons watched it perform low altitude maneuvers. This picture was extensively analyzed, pronounced authentic, and later published by Life magazine and many newspapers. Some UFO researchers believe this to be a hoaxed photograph, using a Christmas tree ornament. wow,,i was not here then, just a kid in minneapolis but we had saucers there too.

< 1960-Minneapolis, Minnesota. This is one of those "hard to be sure" images. It was taken on October 20 of 1960, and seems to show a large oval light source. No object is actually seen, but then again...where there's smoke, there's fire. The object seems to be moving from left to right, as you can see a trail of some type to its right in the full size image.

im off the news,,i cant stomachj it anymore
so i come to the computer and what is all over the net????
doom and destruction :
Unclaimed dead stack up in Wayne County morgue ((( this is whats gonna happen to me )))
http://detroitnews.com/article/20090806/METRO08/908060426/Unclaimed-dead-stack-up-in-Wayne-Co.-morgue
Obama as joker explained
http://www.infowars.com/obama-as-joker-explained/
omgod,,i knew it,,food is gonna become too expensive - we r all going to starve,good thing im used to that.
Demand At Food Banks Up, Even In Well-Off D.C. Suburbs

OMG first california and now other states are out of money
Possible National Guard Deployment in Alabama Result of Bankster Scam
thats all i can deal with for now,,excuse me while i go jump off the confounded bridge
The Expiring Economy
yep.. they cant hide this when it becomes too big to not notice the economy,
even children feel somethings wrong.

ihtought he was a prince of peace / now i see the truth.

i see this picture is really getting around..nothing is for sure and everything is getting worse, i never knew it could get worse , but it is, and umm- im scared

damn that BUSHs regime and his plot to do us all in,,i see them making fun of obama and never thing about stupid idiot dum-ass bush,,he started all this maess as a idiot would,

im tired because i was up for a few hours middel of the night,throwong up,,i couldnt eat yesterday ,,due to the tooth thing,, and i drank beer at 5,oo pm,i wantedto get away from these bad thoughts - i woke up at 12.00 and i felt my eyeballs hurting-a bad bad eyeball headache from hell,,i took 3 ibuprophine and thats when i thew up,,forever ...
i feel like ive been hit by a truck and i have to lay down now,,i also have to log that the neighbors,,judal- they have really done it now,,they,the christians that they r,,,killed a tree thats over 100 yrs old, and shades our house form that big ball of fire in the sky,,now its gone and we r pissed-- its completly changed the feng shui -- as soon as i saw that they were taking the whole tree i was upset,,i cant believe they would ruin the whole tree for what>? i throw my hands up in dispair,,i smell the death and its very stinky,its got the air tainted and im sure its whats giving me this awful headache- tree stuff in the air -
im hopeless, i wrote to dad,,i told him we r falling apart, and need help,, i wish i could move up there and help dad with whatever he needs- kelly wants me to call the dentist today,,and she was horrified about my tooth, i smoked and drank last - i wanted to get soo drunk i would just die fromdrunkenness,,but the 2 beers only upset my stomach and remeinded me that budwiser beer sucks - i want liqorstore beer,,peroni or corona with a lime
we only have 3,2 beer cold in the stores,,its watery and gross, but i drank it anyways and it made me sick.

if this is it,,then why even try to find happines OR bother wiht politics- they dont give one simple shit about us .... this is the news today. im loosing hope.

things r bad and its gonna get alot wose then we thought (its what undergound says) no where near thru falling and the CNN and other news is trying to cover it up.

so sad,,at least i had the seventies to remember
god thoise were the glorydays parting eiht all the bands like areosmith and all,,

dwight yokam and hewey lewis and devo,,they spent the weekend w/ me and my sister mary

Oh great shot- im not able to cope much anymore,,attn span is gone and im running myself around scared to death of it all.
a thousand dollar tooth fell out (its got a silver peg in it )

it just keeps comming doesnt it,,i gotta log that i was starving,i made a quick fold.over peanutbutter and after trhe first bite,,i dont even wanna say it,,i lost another tooth right in front of my own eyes,,the tooth behind my dogtooth (lower left) fell right outta my mouth, and i cried and cried and was horrified-

i seem to be holding it together now,but i was not ok just 10 minuets ago,i need rest but im so upset with myself and my situation

i have no camera anymore,,i dropped it 2 x's and its not just booting up anymore, it has expired

- i am using the kodakcrap,,one picture a day is all its good for. propriatary battery is dead, no replacing it either -

and some good news in,whew,i thought they were doomed forever,thankGOD this happened on obams watch and clintons time,im shocked about middel class taxes and if OBAMA
does that,,,,,then Kelly wins the bet, she says hes a = fraud,- she says dont fall for the subliminal and hes pulling the wool over our eyes (so to speak )-younger peeps dont know that term. wool over the eyes,,i have no idea how that saying started but its funni and i recall my mom saying that alot,omygod,im sooo turning into my own mother-scary-shakeyshakey
im in alot of pain this AM,i took 2 darvons and just waiting for the stuf to kick in-
i cant make it out to the doctors and i have no idea when i will be able to.sad.
last nite was ruff, tina called- and kelly and her talked all night, i was not able to take it easy yesterday - i had kelly all stressed out and left work at noon,
i need to log this..last monday or tuesday night - i almost died from a heartattack,,i didnt think it was a heart thing but i was unable to move and i had pain in my left shoulder and arm and i was clammy for about three hours-i felt tight in my chest and felt my heart pounding weirdly thru my whole body-
i prayed and thought if i die,, thats fine, BUT i need jesus to take take of these cats,and kell,i cant die until i know they r safe ,
my chest has been tight ever since that episode
i have been pretty weak ,i gotta go slow and not over work and over stress ,,which is whats going on now..stress. and more stress - and even more stress-
( again,,im very scared and making out my will today....)
OHGOD now kelly just called,,she left early yesterday and cant stand it again today - her job sux and they are all abunch of assholes and i cant handel the way kelly is treated up there,,its a bunch of lazy people who blame everyone else for their own doings
kelly gets sucked into it all,,and gives way way way to much to them,,she should hold back some but,,i knw her,,she gives them her last effing dime and thats TOO MUCH ,,mygod save some fer yerself (i aways say to myself BUT not outloud or id be in a argument from hell for days)
,,its not worth my stress and heart,so i just say nothing and think of something so i wont show my thoughts on my face,,or i will pay dearly - sux the biggest one ever.
just thinking about my whole life SUX,i have no meaning -no purpose -no fun,,no happiness no beauty,always crying and stressed and sad and blocked. its un natural and un healthy and im not happy at all,,or greatful for any of this,why should i be greatful,,ive lived this way for too long and always without / im SiCK SICK SICK of being greatful for poverty,,fuck this shitOH and i will find a fucking job now,,im not about to go down with out a fight. im pissed off
i wish i would get abducted by aliens

ive really been suisidal lately-cant even spell the word suicidal there,, and im easily panicked - im driving my own self insane again-with bad thoughts of how i deserve NOTHING and NOTHING is what im destined for,empty and dark and alone and old and ugly
-im thinkin bout myself-
every thought i have is gloomy and dark and heavy ...i cry at the slightest/ i KNOW i said i was thru witht this blog,but i just have to write,,i cant write in a book or journal cuz i cant see to write,,i use this computer because the background is light and i can at least see alittle bit,,if i wear the glasses kelly found downtown- then im cross eyed and have a headache for the rest of the day-resst is the only cure BUT i have no more time for sleep, or rest
TIME is of the essence here
i cant waste any time,i have kellys pants to sew,i have to price stuff for garage sale_sure cant selll anything online,no-ones BUYING anything except cell phones and anything else NEW and expensive,(fresh outta that kinda stuff)
we got to guarenty abstract at 7.30 AM this moring,
in pain and about to cry from all the stress of it- we both saw how hard it was for me to just brush my teeth and hair to go to my doctors appt this morning,(kelly was on a razors edge-just fighting the urge to blow up)
IM SOOOOOOOOOO scared and nervous and i have bad hives again -all over my face.
==============
its a new day and it sux,i gotta be positive tho= im pretty disapointed in things
and a person can only be so positive when bad stuff keeps happening.
first of all,,,TUESDAY 7.3o to meet kelly the POE/ this is the morning i was gonna
go w/kelly(not my kelly,shawny's kelly) out to ACT...NO SHOW,she went w/o me....
- this will have been my sixth attempt to get out there,its a FAR-travel and our car will not make it- and its TOO hot in the afternoon, we r back in the heaT warning zone again,,our weather has been really HOT and HUMID,,im reaaaaallly thinkin new mexico for a new life and weather that we can tolerate...
we, me and kell,,r realllly scared now,,SSDI denied my claim, chris hunt atty at law wants me to re=apply OhMYGOD! and then hes gonna appeal my case before judge Lantze. or what ever his name is.
I feel like crap.im really very depressed-i have been fighting back tears for over a week now-
and i gotta ask my dad for money again,we need that car fixed so we are not trapped here.
im reaaaallly scared and i feel alone and un certian,
I pray to God for my peace and security-Lord please Bless me, Amen.
James was hurtBADLY at his military training place= georgia - he has No memory of us and why he's in the military and all that. sh*t , he even forgot about leslie-and breaking up with her --its very strange, hes got a concussion and his car is totalled ,they cut the top off his new mustang to save him.
we r trapped and with out alot of stuff,and i feel the pressure as always,,i feel responsible for the effing mess we r in now-hard times are getting worse -we can hardly afford to live now
its just so scary. andkelly says there R NO JOBS to look for,its a dead end everywhere-

RA is attacking my -sholders - elbows - neck -its unrelenting pain that will not go away even under two darvons, ansd half of a lortab all at the same time
-i know people who have insurance would NEVER be alllowed to live this way (with pain that drives you to your knees)
BUT because i do not have insurance,,i have no help, but, even if i had insurance, i would not be able to afford any type of treatment unless it was covered 100 percent,,doubt any insurance would be that good.