Tuesday, September 12, 2006



  

TUESDAY!!!sept 12.2006 WHAT? ive lost time, i cannot belive that i have not posted,,i have been either OUT of it,tired OR using the time i do have and energy i do have on getting ready for the only person in my life who has known me thru.out all - MY DADDY IS COMMING HERE TO SEE ME on thrusday eve, i can go get him from tulsa international airport and see him and bring him here to our house (THAT he helped us get....) He will stay untill SUNDAY-until we take him back to his flight home minneapolis minnesota,,thats where i grew up - i have tried over and over to MOVE BACK , but something always got in the way - i ended up just staying here in tulsa - i fell inlove with computers in 1999- by 2000 i knew all there was to know and went out to the best place in this town to get a job and FOUGHT to get a job on the NETSCAPE SUPPORT DESK,,here's my old website that shows me and my 2.5 years of working there-
http://trinity_1970.tripod.com/

i lived on the net then (my AIM buddy list had overlike200people,,i still have that list and tt my netscape friends every now and then,,they did not know that i was sick,nor i, untill then END of 2001. Enter Kelly= i had a newyears deal at my apt. i had already lost my job at Netscape because i missed soooo much time, being sick in the end-and was actully in a flare and did not know it,, i was sick sick-sick- all the time,,and walking around day after day with fever and worries of why i was soo sick what was it? kelly got online and started asking me Q's about,,do u feel soar around your this or that?? then finally she sd*** I THINK I GOT IT- u mite have lupus,,based on all you show**** all she had seen and the malar rash,,JESH! gives it away! i never heard of such a thing ,,BUT wait,,YES i had,,, i never paid attention, YEARS ago i hurt soo bad in my right hip,,i had Xrays,,they THEN SAID WATCH- TEST -and see if i have LUPUS but i didnt go back -- i did NOT have insurance then,,i felt strong,,they were wrong,,i have never been sick and i expected to be superwoman until 80 yeARS OF AGE!!!!!
kelly helped me realize that something is wrong normal people just dont feel this way and dont have fevers and dont just get soo sick and bed ridden that u just dont know what to do,, hurting and crying,,shit,,ug bad memories,wheew! tufftimes too
we got thru it tho YEARS later- we r fighting a definate strong disease Rheumatoid Arthritis
and i still cannot belive that i have it,,im shocked ,,my family treee is so strong and noone has cancer or anything like this, sooo,,im the first,, i have no kids - i would not want to pass this on,,pray for those who have it,,painfree days are few and far between and life is not the same
BUT i still have have my people and my art and my home and cats,,so i oove this life and wouldnt trade,BUT if i could only just be with alittle money so i dont worrie about my paymnt every month or foosd and gas every month - its taking its toll and i found my first graey hair YES 1st grey hair yesterday.. i took picture but u cannot seeit,, BUT its a gray up front,,and im 45 almost 46 this october,, wow,,i feel 25 yes, and act 25..... i cannot accept my age,, or a grey hair --note,,list of things to do #1. color hair 2. dust heheeeeee
thankU Jamie, America, and Lin for emailing me soo much, and 4 reading these stupid misspelled and crazy boaring blogs,,BUT i love that u read it and i hope u get just something from it,, thats great! i just kinda let it all hang out here because i thought noone was looking -u see that i am a silly libra who has lived in lala and all her life,, i had to work hard and fight for all i have now, and fight is on to keep what i have,,including this home and my health and my lovesi want to live a productive and helpfull life and create as much art as possible before i die.. i LOVE art its what i live for ,,, i make stars that people just love,,i like them too,, i made them from noting - i love to create things,and grow things,, and help things,,thats me, debiM.

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by debramaddox
i weigh 106. and 5 feet 5 inches tall,,NOT good,im a skinnyminny and im trying to se what everyones talking about,,thats why i took this shot,,just how skinny am i?
(i feel fat)

1 comment:

lin said...

Deb,
You are a warm, bright, beautiful soul and woman. I am so glad your Dad is coming to see you. You look Great anyway, but don't get much skinnier. No way you're 45.
Still sending positive energy vibes and prayers your way. Its really helped me to to learn about your journey. I have lupus so I feel connected to what you've been going thru. Here anytime you'd like to talk With Love, Lin
*keep *