Friday, July 24, 2009

i think the metho is working well,,my neck seems to be better and my hands and feet are not waking up in pain that will / and has been driving me insane completly
i do not think any-ANYone should live in such terrible pain.
i still have not had my blood tested,,hope thats OK,,gonna have to be OK,
she wanted me to test blood for every three weeks,,i havent done it even once
i cant control the money/transpotation that we have//we need to fix our POS car/ i HATE cars,,only cute lil sporty cars are excepable,,otherwise whatEVER!
i said last evening to kelly that i " have NO idea how we r making it on her pay,,she said its BREAD and LOAVES thing" ,,and it is indeed.prasie the lord fersher!
i sold her cellphones for 150.00 dollars- still we have no money,no food and i cant help but wanna go back to work,anywhere were i can sit but ,,no helping the public or it will be too much,,i cant deal with bitching people - i cant even deal with someone honking their horn in the traffic,,i will flip em off and just bitch about it. and wonder what the Fuc# is the hurry and why the honk when you have another red light right up the street,,effers..! no one can drive here - i say driving is like poetry its fluid and just should flow,but not here,these ppl just do not know how to drive defensivly.
my neck is emproving adn so is everything else thanks to methotrexate.
i felt weird last nite,,i remembered how lonely i was in 2000-2001 and cut myself off from everyone i knew,,i wanted to get away from bad influence and start over,,well,i feel that emptiness again,,why? i have these catas and kell,,but i feel so alone and afraid and having bad dreams about ppl leaving me ,,i feel scared to death and somethimnmes i think its better if i die,,why is that,i dont wana die,,but i feel so doomed,,and nothing is gonna be better then this,,and i couldnt live knowing this is as good as ot gets,,i mite as well be in prision, im so limited,i HATETHIS.

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