i really dont feel like typing my feelings down anymore,, ive hit a major depression and this is why no post..
i have seen a shrink and will continue to see the shrink untill i can learn to "be nice to myself"
i was told that i am being very mean to my own self,(like a self punishment-for having RA) i told my psychotheripist that i am slightly suicidal,,BUT promised that its only thoughts- and i cant really kill myself because i would not want to leave behind a mess for others to clean up,,and its a one way ticket to hell, and i cant get along in hell,, sooooo out of the question
ive been pretttty depressed tho,,
feel like im a looser,,a failure a burden,,it all sux and i have been in a RA flare now for about three days - my hands and feet and hip (R) hurt badly and my spine needs to be on a heating pad inorder to loosen up and move about - i have been getting up at 5.00 am with kelly to help in getting ready for the workday,,but by friiday im in tears from waking up in pain,,i NEED more sleep and JUST NOT GETTING IT.. my own fault tho,,back to the fact that i am being mean to me,,because of my own guilt from being with RA,,this is a curse and why me .,.WHY ME! nooone knows why..........