now kelly and i are fighting,,i feel far far far far away,,im not me,,im whateever..i have no idea what the fuck i am ,,im about to not even care what the fuck i am....BUT i remember yesterday thinkin,,why do i have to sit here and wait to die,, i mean i cant take it anymore,,im about to fiind a fuckin job so i can help myself feeel better about who i am,,beause right now iM NOTHING NOTHING NOTHIng i have just spent 2 days cryin and fighting with kelly over ,,god I DONT EVEN KNOW
all i know is i hung up on her because all i could hear was YELLING --we cant even talk it has to get to yelling ,,,,,i cant handel it at all..id rather throw myself infront of an on comming bus.............then to be like this im numb then i hurt anbd cry then go into a daze then cry then think of how awfull i am,,i hate my mother,,i hate myself --- i hate bums and i hate people who talk talk talk,, i hate all the gifts patsy ever gave me,,(cheap shit)
i hate all the days of sitting here day after day waiting for WHAT???? a cure ..a answer?? im not sure wtf im doing ,,,,,, also IVE BEEN IN A SERIOUS FLARE for over 5 days,,with pictures
http://picasaweb.google.com/debrabmaddox/Number5AbouttheRA
of massive sweling,,aches and pains so bad i had to double up on all the hard stuff,,it took over 4 hours of layingthere in pain to go to sleep- just for the record... also found a tick on my hip,,i pulled it out but ewwww ick-his head may still be in,,im too blind to see