Friday, March 09, 2007

now kelly and i are fighting,,i feel far far far far away,,im not me,,im whateever..i have no idea what the fuck i am ,,im about to not even care what the fuck i am....BUT i remember yesterday thinkin,,why do i have to sit here and wait to die,, i mean i cant take it anymore,,im about to fiind a fuckin job so i can help myself feeel better about who i am,,beause right now iM NOTHING NOTHING NOTHIng i have just spent 2 days cryin and fighting with kelly over ,,god I DONT EVEN KNOW
all i know is i hung up on her because all i could hear was YELLING --we cant even talk it has to get to yelling ,,,,,i cant handel it at rather throw myself infront of an on comming bus.............then to be like this im numb then i hurt anbd cry then go into a daze then cry then think of how awfull i am,,i hate my mother,,i hate myself --- i hate bums and i hate people who talk talk talk,, i hate all the gifts patsy ever gave me,,(cheap shit)
i hate all the days of sitting here day after day waiting for WHAT???? a cure ..a answer?? im not sure wtf im doing ,,,,,, also IVE BEEN IN A SERIOUS FLARE for over 5 days,,with pictures
of massive sweling,,aches and pains so bad i had to double up on all the hard stuff,,it took over 4 hours of layingthere in pain to go to sleep- just for the record... also found a tick on my hip,,i pulled it out but ewwww ick-his head may still be in,,im too blind to see

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