its a beautiful sunday morning- spring feels good-(aChoo!)
~ i just love the cool nights and breezy days ~
need to log that last night,(sat.nite) i had a"mental hiccup",,i cried and cried in bed cuz i was tired and forgot to take my pain meds,,so the pain in my shoulders & hands crept up on me and with that i just thought about "what am i gonna do in a few years???" with all this pain- and medical stuff and dependancies,that i cant afford,,? god what a mess,,im just going with the flow -but it upset me last night because" i cannot see my path" and how can i get anywhere if i cant see my path????? i got real stressed,,i think im ultra worried about Kelly too,,
i could not raiase my arms last nite, ((ra in my shoulder BAD!)))been thru this soooo many times and i need to rest but i am worried about kelly,,shes not feeling well and the icca has returned - and its not giving up the fight (she killed a whole bottle of antibiotics BIG RED STINKY PILLS,,
i want a doctor to see her,we NEED to make appt. and schedule help for her asap!!!!!! perhaps MY DOCTOR will her her with the staff infection that keeps comming back,,it causes her so much pain & she feels awful to the core,,,,,i just stay alert and watch her and bring her anything she neesdfood medicine drink,,whatever,,check her temp,....no fever,,sooo thats good/

imworried.


<<<------ i loooooove these TWO

i just typed abunch of shit and poof gone,,and im not redoing it,,,i hate it when that happens ,,its been awhile ,,but its happened now and i say whatever!

happy420

i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired tired tired - expalin later when i can think and not fall asleep sittin here,UG! naptime 10.42 am(think i have the alarm to go off at 11.00 am,,i need to push that back abit)

i did my hair,,look at this ,,trippy

hey-i have had short (boi-hair) for about25 years now,,i have never had long hair as an audlt,,its a new thang

V-tech rampage! OMG this world IS totally out of controll, i told kelly that this CAN- happen- ANY-W-H-E-R-E!!!!! i mean -any time - any place- any day -anywhere- the ONLY thing stopping this type of activity is the decision NOT to do it ,(via frontal lobe activity) SO this guywakes up this morning-then walks over to shoot / kill people in.a dormroom? at 7.00 am ish,,----then,walks over and blows away others in classrooms,,including teachers.im shocked and in a total amazement over it all ---What alex jones says about it all,,<<<>>
we have to see what doors this opens, also- i BET IMUS (indamorning) IS GLAD no.one is bitching 'bout him now,, the focus shifted to this episode-/// warning:we had better fix the problem or its only gonna get worse......btw my ra sux-rainy weather, have stiff hands and spine and feet and wrists. very very tired and 25 mgs of prednisone is needed every damn day,,im totally hooked/addicted and cant go back,

friday morning, 6.30 am UG [i feel the ra] thumbs again(been real bad on my thumbs)
the BIG issue is my mouth -ra in my mouth-its been thru every side and in/around the root area - tissue area -and now its my "front" teeth,,where they meet on the back side and they touch(( is normaly no biggggy))) BUT NOW it hurts to have my teeth touch in the " back side" mostly the left
weird, ra is so damn weird, so unpredictible and so damn painfull -i have no idea what women would do in "the old days" when they did not know what this was,,POOR POOR women,,no pain meds? no treatment,.,watchin' as they crumble to pieces before their very-OWN eyes- so damn weird,,why this? why ra? what is ra? who knows?..no-one does.
25 mg of pred again [DAY 3] has helped incredibly ,,my jaw has stopped and i only feel ra when im tired,,like now,lol -pray for kelly to have a peacful and good day.

first happy.ness.

well, i can say,,now with honesty that A. we really quit smoking again..its been aloooong time and we should give ourselves a clap clap clap,cuz its hard to quit after 15- 20 years of smokin marlboro lights, and i miss smoking and still crave but im not smoking cigarettes eva again.

they are the most addictive thing ive eveer had to go thru its been hard wihtr all the stress and shit,,but whew, thats all for now,,thought i should document that YEP,we do not smoke cigarettes at all,kewl!

whats going on with my bones???

april 11 9.30 am
im logging -because of the r.a. and its irrational pattern within me...
i have spent the past 3-4-5 weeks now fighting ra off with just 10 mg of pred and lots.a. rest, low on the "activity " and heavy on the "bed- rest " BUT for some reason the 10 mg prednisone and lotsa rest and no activity is NOT doing it.?.There is NO reason why i should have continued ra thru each night that when i wake up in the morning at 6.00 am,,i have ra so badly... TOday is wed april 11th , my left jaw hurts so bad i cannot yawn or smile or laugh or eat ,,nothing that will make my mouth open..its not going away, it only travels to a new location and starts in on that area.... its travelled all thru my teeth and jaws,,it started out on my lower right -now its my jaw only and on the left side where it attaches to my head,,jaw to head area..i am increasing my prednisone to 25 mg as of TODAY,,
for 5 days then come back to 20,,then go 15 then go 10,,hopefully,,,and thats th plan anyways.
i now have anti depresssants from my doctor* lexapro and cymbalta* they are of great help as i do not feel as bad as i did,,the depression is not as heavy,,infact,,, i smiled & laughed once or twice! good sign and i goiung thru a little psychotherapy with the help from a doctor who is truely an angle in disguise......
posting ll this and writting /typing all this sux because i have to go back to look very very hard,,at least every third word is spelled backwards,,and its unstoppable,,and embarrassing "TaBoot!
***this is a copy/paste job from my 360 yahoo, which i barely look at (i forget about it)
i thought i should update that this moring,, so im using it here too,,with any updates later here on this log.K?K!

the ra is now in my mouth area,,i have had the ra in mouth area for about 5-6 weeks,its traveling thru the entire area stopping for past two days in my LEFT JAW where it attaches to the bone,,at about the cheekbone -leaving me protecting this area

concentration to NOT laugh or open my mouth to upset it.i am really looking "pred-ish" my face is getting FAT! and misshaped in the mouth area,,ive noticed this as it has also impared my speech, because mouth isnt wrking properly.....weird , i never thought i would get ra in the mouth.

just did a search .,,dont know why ... i was just wondering about,,and BAMB,,here it is,,LOOK.....
http://web4health.info/en/answers/soma-rheuma-suicide.htm

Question(s):

Written by: Martin Winkler First version: 28 Nov 2006. Latest revision: 28 Nov 2006.

Can depression cause rheumatoid arthritis? Is there a connection between rheumatoid arthritis and depression? Answer: We were recently asked in our natural-language question answering system "Can depression lead to rheumatoid arthritis?". This answer is rather simple : No! But the course of the disorder may be influenced by psychological factors. And we know, that any progressive and chronical physical or neurological disorder can cause severe mental health problems, including causes of suicide thoughts! More. Rheumatoid arthritis, the most prevalent chronic inflammatory musculoskeletal disease, has been associated with several negative psychological outcomes, including depression. More than 10% of patients with chronic rheumatoid arthritis have had suicidal ideas! A multimodal therapy approach for patients with chronic pain or chronic diseases like rheumatoid arthritis should include information about psychological counselling, and help to cope with these disorders, such as relaxation therapy (e.g. progressive relaxation, self-hypnosis, imagination-therapy or self-hypnosis). Antidepressant medication can also be a very useful choice. The right choice of drugs may have a positive influence on mood and can also influence pain perception (reducing chronic pain) and insomnia.

pretty much sums it up ina nutshell huh!

today is satuday and its FREEZING ,,i dont know what happened but our spring has turned into winter .. i ran around all afternoon tryingto find thijnjgs to put over the flowers and fresh hostas that are budding where i planted them last year,,,, i actully covered my front bed with 2 blankets,,hope a bum did not walk by and think hey,,free blanket,,,and take them,,( have not been out to chck everything) cuz i just woke up and my meds are pryorioty! I NEED TO MENTION here that soomething weird has been happening to my mouth - yes -for the past like 2 months i have had exteme pain comming from my jaw on both side BUT first and MOST of all on my right side, sometime i cannot eat because of it,,it seems to go away when my prednisone kicks in and combats my RA,,so I THINK its comnnected to my RA ,everyflair makes my teeth - gums jaw area hurt** still taking 20 mg of prednisone daily because it still isnt keeeping the ra down,,i only last about 4 hours then extrem pain will creep in and next thing that i know I AM DOWN with ra pain in my hands -wrists are doing strange things too,,i have a NEW area of pain ,,i have to upload a piture with that area circled for the record....

back again,on april 4 = ive been on a pednisone burst,,its hard on me,,but i have to do it,,because i can NOT get rid of the ra flare,,i slept plenty and that would not do it and usually sleep is the KEY -,,i was up yesterday for about 4 hours and that wore me out ..my endurance is null ... the least amount of activity wears me out. i stil have no appetite which without food im not suprised i have no energy....
the prednisone seems to be helping the ra,,but i hate the way it makes me feel,,all speedy and freaky ..i just have to deal untill i get thru this flare,,its almost better,,today is the best so far,,good! when i woke up i did not have the" pac-mans " "munching" on my feet and hands and wrists as it had been ..good! i feel better too,,probably the anti depressants,,i used to just cry at any given moment,,not now,,i have not cried once, from the start of lexipro and cymbalta-good!

sunday beautiful weather,but i cant enjoy-due to too much medication,,ive been in such a bad flare that i had to go ahead and do the prednisone burst,,yesterday, i took 20 mg toady 20 mg so on untill day 5 the drop to 15 mg,for 4 days then i will try 12mg for 3 then just drop to 10 mg and hold it there...Prednisone has bad side effects,,like paranoia and shakes and speed feeling that i hate,,i am going to do it,,and just try to remain in controll and no emotional outbreaks,,,, the thing about pred is its so hard on my system,,i already have had my teeth being chipped off and nails are influenced and my mood is influenced by pred,,its just NOT a good drug to be on for soooo long,,ive gotta wean off and dont know how to...my doctor just blows thaT IEDA off ,,i dunno why,,is that too much to ask? im just not to trusing anymore,,of the medical world and for good reason, OH the stories i could tell about the stupid doctors who thought god only know s what when i went in to the emgency room for my shoulder,,pain beyond belief,and they had no clue- no idea nor no help .. i sat there for 5 hours in the waiting room in pain,,for nothing.. whew, im soo pred'ed out now,,this is why i cant stop typing um ..i coulod just go on,,ug,,bye..gotta go do something