today is sunday AUG 27th and im freaking out about my situation now, i had to resign from my job, my insurance runs thu EOM - kelly and i have talked about options , what to do to save $ and what all we can do to keep going the way we r ,,which is pretty conservative anyways - i come to write here and just stare off into space i think i cannot do this for awhile

fri aug 25TH 2006 ive been depresseed Xtremly depressed, this is why no post,,will get my shit together and write soon,,4now.... i cANNMOT

MONDAY aug 14th 2006 (isit?OMG) i feel bad today inregards to the air,1st its too hot,everytime i step outside i get a "eyeball headache" from hell, and it never really has gone away,been with me all day, Also because of the methotrexate, im super sensitive to the sun and HEAT -i swaet like unimaginably within seconds of being outdoors.....
I had intended on working today, i could not due to the awful way inwhich i woke up last nite @2.00 am-ish -i left a blog about why the time is off on this blogger thing- I COLD NOT GO BACK 2 sleep,, I tried everything, i took 2 benodryl - snacked -nothing would knock me out = the PREDNISONE effects,are hyperness and other awful side effects (paronoia,heavy-appitite-no brite lites!). I stay so hyper from 10 ml of pred everyday i stay speeding on that, then when i NEED to sleep- i have 2 take sleeping pills ((i have tried them ALL OTC and prescriptions))None work as well as benodryl, so, 2 everynite or IM not gonna sleep - i could NOT walk or talk or even think at 7.30 am to get up and get going,, i felt like the bus hit me,,
sux.

what time is it?? just testing this blog to se what the time that it says --
this picture is akhenaten, it is also the name of my computer, made by alienware
i ofcourse have redone this computer with updated new thingys like dvd plus minus and new stonger more this and that ..i love playing with computers,, Im ADHD and its the only thing that can keep me sitting in one place for more then REALLY AN HOUR,, i cant stay still for more then one hour- i checked the TIME its 2 hours behind,,i need to figure how to fix that,, huummmmmmm
2 hours behind (good thing i noticed that)

SUNDAY nite 08/13 i woke up at 9.30pm and OHNOOooo i hurt! kelly was sick and she was not doing well, thats what woke me up,, THANKGOD tho because if i had slept any longer, it would have been TOooo-long with out meds and i already was past "that" point by sleeping untill 9.30p - i had to take medicine fast (one oxy 10 mil and 3 ibuprophine and buspar) and one hour to move,
what hurt = hands.& feet all of the bones,,to waLK WAS BAD.
http://www.dropshots.com/debrabmaddox
picture is kelly and i, 2 or 3 days ago

SUNDAY 08/13/06 hOt AUGust DAY = we woke up around here at 5.30 amish,,no problem,out front with a cool breeeze and no traffic,,this morning was pretty,and calm, we hung out on the porch and because i was felling ok, we took a sunday drive while everyones in church, i had not been out really unless necessary. Then because of the heat lately we had to run the hose around to the beds kelly/we have been tending to now for sometime,,and give life preserving water,, ahhhhhhh,, its late afternoon , i must not overdo it,,want to work tomarrow,called my boss and said i will be in,(i miss my work)kinda /// must---take--n-a-p-....zzzzz

hello at 2.36 am,SUNDAY MORN/ i woke up? feet hurt to hit the floor, then took a tall one and few ibuprophyn
and now im feeling back to normal,, remicade and three days AFTER metho- injetion usually set me up , i feel ok now, took these pics to prove it!

saturday aug.12.2006 eve. tonight is a goodnight- painfree

SATURDAY August 12th 2006 waking up is a bitch- im adding these pictures as documentation i go thru this painfull process quite often NOT everymorning but alot! i have also filmed a few mornings when im crying and in so much pain,REASON aafter my pills kick in (prednisone and pain pills) and 2-3 hours go by I FORGET that the VERY morning i was crying in pain-we forget pain_ its a built in survival mechanism

Friday August 11th 2006:
methotrexate injection today in am (.5cc)
hello, i feel awfull2day, & omg,hurt where they gave me the "steriod whatever "shot (backside hip) Whew! oh da PAIN!
i have a bad headache and tried all painaids imay need to rest more today, IT RAINED this morning, but sizzling 97 degrees for the high today,,they said we are in a HEATSTORM! wow,thats new....

Thursday August 10th 2006

Thursday August 10th 2006 (i see crooked fingers)

Thursady August 10th 2006
ive slummed around today as per Dr.orders,,they said DONT-do-ANYthing, once i got there,today, i was fine- bobby was her same 'ol self, *no elvis presley playing on her cd player today, it was real "be-bop" oldies tunes. ick- and kinda boaring /I was introduced while my session was going on, to the new Dr ? w/the TEAM, who just got out of the army,i cant remember his name -bad me) he was at my chair and just talking to me,,looking over my chart and asked HOW I WSAS DOING, and HOW bad is the pain? where and OhGOD -the flood gate opened,(quietly) i expained to him, that my hip is a new beast and it wont let me go,,i cant walk from sitting more then 1 hour - its the agony/pain i feel the MOST, then i said, my elbows hurt they feel likme they are splitting in half?-and i see my bones changng- he looked at my elbows, then looked at my feet,(swollen BIGtime) and BIG knuckels on my hands,,he was then "insistant" i do stay LONGER for a exam after treatment,he said i need to be looked at about the hurting chest thingy and also how bad is my hip? well, i said "i really just cant bear the pain,,then this tear strolled down my cheek, ijust could not help it,damn! (embarressed) He said after lookin me over = i MUST stay relaxed -REST alot-dont do anything-(Ohgod-frown) and what is hapening to my chest has a NAME!!! its called ,,(gotta find the paper i wrote it down on) its costochonditis,JUST LOOKED IT UP,damn this doctor is GOOD LOOK=


Costochondritis is an inflammation of the junctions where the upper ribs join with the cartilage that holds them to the breastbone or sternum. The condition causes localized chest pain that you can reproduce by pushing on the cartilage in the front of your ribcage. Costochondritis is a relatively harmless condition and usually goes away without treatment. The cause is usually unknown.


Dr.? said just take prilosec OTC to clear that up like no biggy,,OKthen kewl,,
i go back for remicade on august 23rd,, 6 week wait now instead of 4 weeks -I have got to figure OUT WHAT TO DO without insurance now,,my POE is releasing me because i cant work 40.hours a week hell, i cant work more then say... 3-4 hours a day,well,i mean with weekends too ofcorse! i have zero stamina or zero energy for anything -just a phase,,its the RA of it all

Thursday, August 10, 2006



im getting ready for Dr appt.@ 9.00 am (REMICADE treatment)
last treatment was 4 weeks ago. this will be my 6th treatment, i will write when i get back.


Back at home now, its 2.30 pm - its 105.temp outside =it feels like " H-E-double hockey-sticks" hahahaha *thats an old saying

i have to rest because im tired (had a shot in my hip-*steroids*) ITS very helpfull, i wish they could give that shot everywhere else,,now my hip feels no pain for the 1st time in months.
*it makes da odda places feel left-out*

Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Its 5.30pm on wed. August 9th.
our heat today is 112.degrees is our temp. for today. VERY ABNORMAL HOT WEATHER and "its killing me ova hera" special note aside from the R.A> here but i think sometings going on here- we have record temps day after day.. and here's what they say =" NO,,no,,no..no-such thing as global warming,,we are just in a trend" HEY, trend or NOT -THIS IS SERIOUS - just MONTHS ago, i told kelly to look at the sun, and notice how strange it looks,,, not real or FAKE if u will...
BUT i said the government has done something to the sun and they are not telling us,(for our own good)i am being silly, and we all know that,,but then..they say IVE lost my mind when i say, they are spraying chemtrails alot in our skys and ive taken picures,,NOONE else cares,& they say those are just contrails,,there IS A BIG diff,and i can spot the chemtrails in a second...



i have not been writting, because i have been feeling to sick and have NO- no energy and no appitite, i have had few things to eat, like a bowl of frosted mini wheats or fold-over bread with just peanut butter. i have not had the energy to write, think, type talk or just do anything -I walked out front this morning to see the girls and cats were doing..i wanted to de swell out there w/ them - stephaney said "OMG!! how much weight have u lost ? my god girl, i just noticed how skinny u r," all i couldsay is Yeah i know- i dont have scales in the house,, so no idea what i weigh,but my guess at 110? i get to find out tomarrow(10th) when i go for my (moved up sooner)REMICADE treatment @9.00 am.


*kelly thought it worth mentioning also
*have heavy hurtfull chest, like,,(im too young tho ) heartattack, no numbness in left side - as a side effect from any heart trouble- nonono,,this is somehting else linked to swallowing, possible thought and also worth mentioning, again IM SO FRIGGEN COLD again

MONDAY july 31st Klaatu Barada Nikto

my elbows are really bad....
today is saturday, im upset because i was careful not to "overdo" anything,,i have important things to do at work this moring,,BUT this looks to be another day of pain, called nick at 6.30 -i can leave a message for him that i will not be attnding today's 7-11 am shift, im up but in pain,my feet dont want to be walked on, it hurts to move my feet or just put my bodyweigh on them (alll 110. pounds) -yea, i got slippers on, but they still hurt,even when im just sitting here/ i tried to take pics but its to dark, and my motorskills are bad this am i need about 2 more hours to be to feel ok

tired is allimsayin'


thursday eve. made it thru work one whole day, was not easy ,,1/2 way i felt the pain in hip and then followed by fingers from typing,,had to wear silly gloves again. loooong day, 10-7 and i only had one painaid and needeed that at noon , by 5p i realy hurt, made it thru and glad 2 see kellygirl , we filmed the drive home, and becky stopped by for a while, then took sleeping pills to be asleep (hope) by 9.30 latest,,,and its now 8.17pm,so i have a liitle time to play,,gottago ,heres a pic of me (strange, i know-but i do this so i can see what i" feel like",, it always "shows") whateverelse i can find to upload!!! oops the blogger wont let me upload or im TOO tired. i have trieed to upload 3x forget it

soooooooooooooooo-tired,icant keep my eyes open.

~ THIS IS MY POST for YESTERDAY 08.02.06 ~

8.15 and i couldnot walk, my heels r Xtra painfull today,walking is the "hadycrap" for today, i could not blog this yesterday because i was so extremly tired, i had to take a pain pill in the am to beat the feet-,,and fingers from hurting~ i just had ZERO energy and could not think of typing this yesterday(8-2-06)~
i was sooo tired i could not force myself to blog,. my fingers hurt to type,(even w/ gloves on)
felt warm like a "slite-fever" all day, even slept from 12 - 4.30ish and back to bed at 9.00 to be up and going at 7.00 am to work at 10.0 on thursday yea!

feeling i little less better today, but my spirit is high. kelly and i got up to a slow paced HOT weather, and startng off to be a good day. i feel the pain in my elbow- no hip pain yet, tingly-fingers and toe- bones are present. my heels ofcourse hurt , it hurts to walk down on flat feet / other then that im kewl!

today is tusday I feel better- i slept well and when the alarm went off at 6.00 UG! tired but no "pac-mans" munching on my bones this morning,,YEA! 2x in a row now, i think ive had 4 good mornings in the past 3/4 months overwise its -a-painfull-drama, that im so embarresssed about, (im writing this now and being forced to think about all the mornings) ~ i have 2 say one thing, thank GOD, for my roomates BOTHof'um,really,, KELLY has been the 1, who has carried me out front to see the mornings , helpd me off the toilet-TMI- put my shoes on 4 me, washed my hair 4 me, and stephany even went w/ me to an appt. to make sure i got alll the "NEW instructions" correctly,, (always alot of info when i see the DR)
IM gonna try to make wrk 2day,, im on my way to go NOW! off2 work that is,, im sooo Nervous, and i don know why,, i just luv going to my job. i miss it and cry when i think of what im missing everyday, because ive kinda grown real close and atached to my people there, even the boss's there are so neat, i like everyone, and hope they like me . (worked there for 3 years now and time has flown by) ----------------------- im home now and have to report that my 1st day back was refreshing, i amalways glad to be there and even toook pics oday, afew are posted NOW at http://www.dropshots.com/debrabmaddox
i had to work very hard, stay focused so i could catch up today, but i think i had a smile on my face while trying to "deliver the payload". *pain report, ~ 1.00 pm ,,i started really feeling my HIP area, right side, no pain pills at work so i could make it w/o falling off 2 sleep/. ~by 2.00 had to wear gloves 2 type because fingertips were tender and splits on my fingertips NOW-splits just started yeserday,