no one wants to hear about our litany of problems ...we have noone forsupport or advise NO ONE! were on our own ..we seee others with help,,new cars and friends and whatever they want,,we cant even get what we NEED much less any wants,, wants are NEVER needs are a struggle ..WHY WHY WHY?
my knuckles are all swelling UP right NOW /im takuing pics to show
how it works ..so ppl with out RA can see that stress is not a good thing for anyone w/ RA

i wear cut off socks to protect my skin on arms
me now----hurting and suffering

fri again,,its jUST NOT MENT for me to be happy,, there must be a curse placed upon me,,why is this happening to me? i feel like ive done my share of suffering and why am i still having issues with everything in my life....

foodstamps are getting canceled because they have requested a letter from health care provider and it must state i have RA and it effects my ability to work,,,they wont do it,,at Morton - even kelly tried,,tt a patient advocate and got the BIG run-around again......

i have been going there every month to clear up thier mistakes since january 07..and i just told kelly im NEVER going back there /////my hands hurt,,here comes a flair from hell,,myneck already hurts, and now its gonna be hell to pay fro this im shure --- ims so effing dislexic and cant type with out tpain in my fingers,, im so upset - im IM so sick now,,The ra monster i8s here bad,, and it hurts so bad-- SO BHAD -i have never ever ever been so sick and so put off by doctors,,they just dont care,,and its terrible, depressing,,no wonder IM EFFING DEPRESSED! as i cannot stop cryingNOW because f the way im treated,,it effects my RA

---u may say why is she typing then,why if it hurts,,i TOOK 2 More darvon, and itsstarting to kickin,,, whew,,i feel ightheaded and very upset,but more under control - but this is my theapy,,to write,,and i do it cuz i guess it helps me spell it allout,,it helps to write about it -

its all ive got,, to write,,,about it all - i wish RA never was for anyone, i cannot believe we humans have to suffer like this,,its crule and i see no reason for me to suffer,,but i AM ai deserve t o KNOW WHY! WHY????????????????? BTW thispost tok over an hour totype,,,, im not ficxingall mistakes,,just tooo much to go back,,i fixed some,,but not all the dislexic - im so disapointed im MYSElf ,,so very disapointed,,

we = me and kell werre JUST on the phone,,we are BOTH YUPSET,,WE ARE GOING TMOVE INTO A SMAL;LL APT FOR NOW,,LEAVING ALL THIS BEHIND the house and equity and alllof it,,wecant do it,,its putting this house in front of my health,, and we need to UNFORTUNATLY put my health should be the priority ,,im getting worse and i need a rheumatoligst - why dont i get to go to a rheumatolist? becase they cost money and we cant affrd even FOOD or anything much less another month of mortage,,we r going to abandon this house,and look for a small apt for cheap and LEAVE OKLAHOMA because there is NO HELP HERE weve tried and tried and tried,, we have suffered we have sacrificed and we have done everything 2 girls can do to keep it all going,,but we r both sufferig and cannot do this again anymoer,, its ALL commming to an end now,,,im scared 2 death too,,,, /// think we should move to Puerto Rico asap

this is what RA does to ppl,,it drives thenm crazy and lifes really hard with it ...




elvis is worried about me,,,i justtold him that i love him andno matte what,,,hes my baby and nothing can change that-hes puuuuurrring now,i saw the look in his eyes,,he was worried - i have to pretendits OK for him,,,to comfort him,,i dont want him to worrie

fridayAM/ always come to the computer first,my home page is CNN,,look what the headlines are,,(my fav thing is history,,besides art and flowers)
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/10/30/israel.ancient.text/index.html
Archaeologist finds 3,000-year old Hebrew text = TOTALLY amazing
i cant wait 2 hear what the" ostracon" says,,its been awhile since we have made any significant findings...this is very significant ....
----
CNN shows that joe the "unlicensed"plumber didn't show up at Ohio rally,,(how embarrassing ) shesh,,weird weird weird,,mcsame is really embarrassing me as i watch him and his effing,"my friends" someone should have told him to stop saying that phrase..its annoying as hell .
Obama is still in the lead,,this is my sport,,,politics,, im watching every moment of every day,,when i leave,,i listen to NPR,(i listen to npr anyways) ..cant stand all the" rap/hoe "music on the radio,. i swear,,the music today is JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE,

its all disposable crap that just doesn't last! i call this the BIC LIGHTER generation.,,when its out you throw it away -just go buy a new one,,crappy ,,i prefer things to be made of quality and last a lifetime.

----

yesterday was hard on me,, shrink appt and heat and air guy out to check our heater before we turn it on this year,,,he said its OK it passsed all the tests...

my neck hurts so i had to take a darvn first thing in order to get going, i really am having a very hard time with my neck and collar bone,,its so painful ,,i need a whiplash neck brace thingy -to hold my head and be still.

~this is where it hurts so bad:

collarbone leftside,,whats that all about?

owie! darvon needed!

heres my pain,,my "pain in the neck!"
see... its deforming!
my PJ's from JAPAN (my brother Tony was over there and brought back trinkets and whatnots) these are jammies and i love UM! TOYOKO JAPAN! kewl!

-----------whoa,,some how my settings got messed upon my camera,,these pics ARE HUGE.. gotta fix that now!

thurdsday afternoon: im all RA'd out ,,from lack of sleep,and i HURT so bad when its like this,.,i swear...if I dont get my nap and / or sleep for 15 hours,,then i just fall apart,,i HURT ,,i cant think,,and everythng is a hassle,,from going to the bathroom - to getting something to eat,,i was SO nervous to Meet TRACY, my new thearipist who i had an appt with this AM at 9.00 am,,i was so tired and wanted to just go to bed after driopping off kellygirl at her job downtown,,but i came home,for just a second and then left to go meet her @ 9.00.. next appt is 2 fridays from now at 9.00..she schedualed me when its best for me,,9.00 is good,,then i can come home and rest.
--- i had not taken anything other then 4 ibuprophiens (no darvon) cuz i didnt wanna get sleepy or act drugged out...(for the new therapist)
today is an emotional day because of my pain,,
seems like i cry ALOT when im in this kind of RA pain,,most of it is comming from MY NECK,,its really gettnig RA'd and then this collar bone pain on my left side,, its not a symertical pain so thats confusing,,why ONLY the left side,,i broke my clavacal wheni was like 20 yrs old,,and it was MY RIGHT SIDE that broke,so its got something to do with RA but i dont get it,,no joint there,,its just the collar bone all the way from my nek to my shoulder,, pluse i have this menopause thing going on too. so it all adds up to :
lets just break down and cry over all the spilled milk.so to speak....
--OMG i about fell over last night about the barack obama infomercial,,he portrayed a black family struggeling and the MOTHER HAD RA< R A in the spotlight,, IT NEEDS THE ATTENTION,,pll think i have osteo-arthitius (and tylenol will take care of it,,they DO NOT understand its RA and a systemic disease that gets more and moe aggressive (in my case) they think,,OH debi's so dramatic,,about lil ol..arthitis,,what a whimp,,im so sick of ppl not knowing what ra is,,, and barack had it on his show,,im glad,,owie,my bones hurt so i gotta go rest,, bbl

barackOBAMA is on and i am crying about it, i am truly amazed and will do whatever it takes to help! this country to regain its position of dignity in the world! i am proud of him!
---------
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN_NNZyh43s
ITS OVER NOW and HE WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GREAT!
its too good to be true,,,whats the catch,,i mean really,,hes SO SO SO INSPIRING i just cried the whole time,and said IVE got 2 get a grip of myself -OMG
JOHN McSAME giveITup dude! itsOVA!
http://www.barackobama.com/issues/disabilities/

eeewww - im sorry but NOW im watchin' larry king live CNN-with john Mcsame and he is acting sooo weird,,im almost embarressed for him..larry asked about Sara and JOHN NOT coming together on same page most of the time,,he acted so so weird and nervous ..its just w-e-i-r-d..
im more for the positive Obama aura..its much more positive and that infomercial is not found yet on "youtube",im waiting to review it,i will download and save it,, i was super impressed,,even tho i have read the PDF going around about Obama using hidden messages and hypnotic technique - i saw what they meant in that PDF .....but i still AGREE w/Obama and am inspired by him /// the Audacity of HOPE!
OH and 1 more thought
..JOE THE PLUMMER is not even a licenced plummer for godsakes!,,that guy that they keep talkin about - well the republicans are clinging to JOE the plummer...and if he were licenesed,
he sure would not be earning 250,thousand a yr...how many people do YOU know that earn
250 thousand a year? i... or ..we ..only know one couple that earn that kind of money,,and they can affford the loop holes to protect their money,,as wise older people and we admire and respect this couple- they r republican - and thats the beauty of america,, different strokes for different folks
look-EVERYONE -our neighbors our friends and family all are struggling, working-class -thats the majority of america ad thats who barack stands for ,,US! the REAL america!
http://www.barackobama.com/tv/ -great stuff here,,what its alll about !!!

proud of who i amvoting 4 /try to attack me for it,,i will debate!
-------
i lovethis kat

its WED trashday,,alll takencare of --- kelly wants to QUIT HER JOB!! and i dont blame her....

~because they all are so backstabing and they trick ppl there and do not have any work ethics ....soo sad,,a good compny that cant even treat ppl with respect,,they take it for all for granit and do not realize that HR rules apply there,,and they discriminate and break about allthe human resourse rules ..i could never work there after hearing allthe stories kelly comes home with..whew,,how can ppl be so crule and heartless,,i will never know,,i m back fromgoing down town to tt the department of human services....my case worker is fromCANADA!!!!and has dule citizenship,,,HOW KOOL IS THAT!! shes a doll too,,(looks like marilyn monroe if you ask me,,,she really does )) shes african canadian/and french from canada (ive known alot of ppl from Canada!) im from minnesota so we r like neighbors,,so kool,,shes so awesome thank GOD I HAVE NICE PLL to work with,,may god blesss her !

so that was alot to do ,,to stay going and go on down there,,i have to go lay down now,,my

collarbone is hurtng badly ..i dontunderstand this pain,,its not being supressed by my 4 ibuprophine & 1 darvon at 'bout 7.30 am....must take more then lay down,,my NECK is killing me

it gets hard to think when this pain is like this ....

i KNOW RA ppl understand this pain and what i mean by i CANTTHINK straight from the pain!!

---

Elvis is SO smart,,lemme tellya what hes been doing,,hes been HIDING a spot on his leg of ringworm from me,,I felt it this moring as i was petting him,,as soon as I felt that area - HE BOLTED! he ran and HID FROMME .. i seeeeee ,,anytime i get close to that area on his leg he has been running away,,until I FOUND IT AND NOW HE KNOWS I KNOW and he doesnt trust me,,cuz i come at himm with the IODINE and tuff actin tanactin -(medicine for it ).

LOOK:

hes scared of IODINE!! heheeeee. i gotta just laff about it.
he is so SMART that lill black cat is something else! Z(a gift fromgod)
------

these r from the other nite,,we went over to kellys moms house and i got attacked with love!

kellys moms house! its just up the street alittle ..we all like old houses,,except kelly,, she wants new with NO PROBLEMS,,no cracks in the walls and plumming that actuly works! LOL!
whew!!

awww a corgie doggie

hi lil doggie!

all of UM !! cats and dogs living together,
im getting kissssssed ..look at him GO! hehehheeeee

IM going outside to feed the birds and squirrels and then
off to lay down,
please feel free to comment about ANYTHING thankU for reading about my boaringlife,,i do appreciate it.

this morning!

she does the cutest things,,( she is a lil'jihad ) she can tear it UP! lemme tellya,i wonder if shes going to calm down soon..i HOPE so! im so tired of hearing elvis HISSSsss at her,, she chases boboo & Elvis thru the house and its like a heard of buffalos runnin thru here- i

gotta just laff because ,heres this little kitten-aka terrorist,,chaseing 5 yr old male tuff cats

(e and Boo) running for their lives from her,,,its sofunni...

------------

Obsessed with the election: yep.

as a political junkie, i cant bear staying too far away from NPR or CNN.

the race is getting intense,,i noticed michelle obama was not wearing any make up on david lettereman last night- - and she said she didnt spend too much money on her"JCREW" outfit,heheee (i LOVEjcrew) i am voting for barack and michelle because its the less of two evils.

Id love to believe that barack is a real person and REALLY ON OUR SIDE -but he has to prove it,,i KNOW JOHN MCSAME is NOT the one i want in the whitehouse. sorry "my friends",,

he will rip america apart,,and believe me,,HE WILL continue the BUSH-doctrine. which is one world goverment and police state and take away our right to bear arms,,and live and speak freely without persicution , if i spelled that right....?.... we will be persicuted if john mcsame gets elected...........................................................i will absolutly freak out if he wins - i think its all rigged anyways sooo,,

*remember what is= ISNT... and what isnt =IS,,
~ trust no one (fox mulder) ~

on UFOs....no "new" news yet,,but Pennsylvania is geting LOTS of activity and Stevensville Texas, is active in the last week = CNN even reported on it.,LOTS of new witnesses who claim they all saw huge UFO back in Stevensville,Tx, (NOT TO FAR FROM ME here in tulsa ok.) alsothis is not too far from george W bush's ( our sapossed president) ranch as well,, weird huh?

---------------

Sarah Palin Supports New 9/11 Investigation

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tell me NO,, ( i totaly believe that 911 was a inside job) im starting to like this lady,,even tho shes a creatoinist,,(thinks the world is ONLY 6000 yrs old)

when i needto hear music,,the first SONG IHEAR IS THIS: ITS SO COMFORTING, UPLIFTING AND BEAUTIFUL! I ADORE THIS SoNG (IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE)

whew,,so beautiful.
i am so dazzeled by beutiful things,,i absolutly NEED beauty and to feel loved to make it in this cold world. i have had an INCREDIBLE life,,and i have done things that others were envious of,,( like have dinner wiht Horst,,the creator of AVEDA-YEP, ) i modeled,,on live runway fashioinshows,,i had ppl wanting to be around me - i have been told that i am gifted in ART,,and im optimistic and NOT pessimistic.which is a gift i believe its what keeps me going,,like BARACK's book the The Audacity of Hope - kelly said i have that (hope),,she wants to adopt my attitude and we r really really trying to follow in the lord's way and we will be fine!
---------
I Can Vs. I Can't:
He who THINKS he can, very likely can and will! Likewise, he/she who THINKS they can't is right, and surely will not, because they will follow what they THINK.
"I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13)
--------
RA sux and i have lived with the condition and its painful attacks and im watching my youth just disappear,,but i seem to somehow( underneath it all) -i feel OK -and accepting -maybe its just because i see more things that are troublesome and indeed MORE important then my disease and inability / but i feel comforted somehow now thru jesus and i am glad i live NOW in these days = eventho i wish it was more like the andy griffffith show,,aunt bee and goober and all,, ...those were the innocent days and we have progressed so fast and its a trip if you stop to thnk that mearly 100 years ago,,we learned to fly,and discovered the nascan lines,,,,100 years,,thats some FAST progression to TODAYS tech-now we have a police state right around the corner,,but dont fool yourself,,its BEEN A POLICE state already,,pll just dont realize- we have no rights and the police are brutal to anyone these days,,OH what ever happend to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheriff_Andy_Taylor ,,he was so kool! i slept all dy,(OHNO) but my neck has been killin me, and the darvon just knocked me OUT! - its time to drive now,,gotta go get kell from her POE! http://guarantyabstract.com/offices.html im off now but may come back this eve! i feel like expressing myself,,and this is how i do it,,blogging,(hatethat word blog still)

I have always ALWAYS been interseted ufo-oligy.
*pics fromthis weekend,(a relaxing and stress free weekend for a change)
skin just awful(from prednisone usage)


ihave to wear cut off socks to cover my arms to protect the skin.

this lil jihad!

im beng POSITIVE. even tho the world is falling apart!!!

-yep. toocute!

its all about *trying to avoid poisen in food.

~we seem to be doing OK tonite,,ofcourse i slept for a million hours today then felt OK at 4pm=we went to walmart for food and stuff, only bought things WE NEED and we were very very thrifty,
i passed on any plastic bottled things,and im stopping with the soda, and junk food, donuts and stuff i am going to eat good things and stay away from processed foods,,i did some reading and i aleady know about the fake sugar-beats that America is using for sugar,,sugar causes cancer to grow and thrive so i'm going to make a very strong commitment to stay away from refined sugar and stick with sugar in the raw,,(could not find it at walmart foodstore tho,,,,) we ..well,kelly made chili (i cant cook to save my life) its full of good things!! yummie.
i am going for nuts,and veggies and fruits,,i raided the produce area / no more bacon and doctor pepper soda. I want to get this R.A. under control and i think diet is important,,i cant be lazy anymore,,i should ownUP-and take responsibility and do it now. i am getting weaker and weaker,,so this can be my fight to get back up and get strong and be able to do things. i see my older friends out having a good time,and i cant make it-from lack of energy,,i think a food change is in order!
----------------
i went into another panic attack this morning -
reading the news -economy-consipiracy show on history channel=about debunking the conspricy theorist on 911..itwas soo stressful to watch 911 and loose change and alex jones all together on this show today-about 911... i-i see alot of UFO activity on the east coast now*Pennsylvania..and thats kewl-somethings going on -dunno what but ahhh...
it has something to do with a secret meeting held in NY days ago - by uppper most important military and others,,darpa and dod,,bla bla bla,, the SUBJECT was what to do about all the UFO's aka,,EBE's
"Extraterrestrial Biological Entity
holloweenstuff...scary:
http://www.thestrangers.net/
whoah,,

TODAY'S post is called " parinoid - or what? "


im shaking-im freaking OUT-im trying to get a grip-im SCARED!

i woke up and :
LONDON (CNNMoney.com) -- Stocks around the world plunged Friday, with Japan's benchmark Nikkei index suffering a nearly 10% drop, as fears of a deep global recession intensified.
OMG what is happening? im scared i MEAN SCARED,,is this the end like they predicted,,i thought we were sapossed to make it to 2012,,OMGOMGOMGOMGMG
IM so scared
they CUT kellys hours @ her JOB and i dont know if im getting foodstamps ,i have to go there TODAY and ask them,,, ive called and called but they are not calling me back, (gulp)
-----im paronoid (the doc said) ----take these pils 4 it,(seriquil)-------
*more about how scary things are right now,,
U guys need to Wake up & smell the taser..

#1 U.S. stocks added to a worldwide stock selloff today on fears of a global recession.
#2 This is why this is happening to America.
“And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the LORD thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish.” (Deuteronomy 8:19).
#3 As our Federal Government gets further into debt they will encroach and harass us even more to try to ticket us to pay for the 8 trillion that Paulson and his buddies looted from the treasure over the last month. GULP.
#4 CAN YOU SAY POSSE COMMMITATUS ACT VIOLATIONS COMMING. (gulp)
#5 BIG DAWG...this is VERY VERY VERY scary:
Pentagon Wants Packs Of Robots To Detect “Non-cooperative Humans”
Are we looking at the future of policing in America? (gulp). D.A.R.P.A.

Sarah Conner?Yes??Bang, bang!
problem = the world
solution = jesus christ
period!
http://www.projectaiko.com/index.html out OF CONTROL

#6 Former counter-terrorism czar Richard Clarke told CNN yesterday that Osama Bin Laden would attempt to influence the 2008 U.S. election with a terrorist attack or the release of a video tape, an October surprise to replicate that of 2004 when Bin Laden swung the election for Bush.
>WHY R THEY SAYING THIS- we all know Bin Laden is dead,,and its a stage for something else that will just be a SCAM like 911.
>They think we are too stupid from drinking the FLUORIDE to know any different!
Clarke: Bin Laden To Influence U.S. Election

#7 i must go outside now and count the chemtrails -so i will know how sick i will be tomorrow-

when is my appt w / that shrink? i want feedback,,i need to talk to someone about all this,,im having a serious PANICK ATTACK RIGHT NOW,, i am serverly panickkkkkkkked.
i will be eliminated because of this post IM SURE!
yes,,they know who to watch and im on "the list" because of my internet activity -where i go
and what i read..i will be detained soon......

this POST is called RA is ruining my effing LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i dont understand what is goin'on with my world,,i am NOT the kind of person who causes touble or looks for trouble,,infact i DO MYBEST TO AVOID trouble (whos got time for it!)
look:
ive got RA and thats enuff Trouble for ME as a individual,,
i am so effing depressed,i cannot control kellys opinion of me,,when she askes me to do something like a task,,take care of something and i do it my way,,she gets all bent outta shape and thows a fit and i get to thinkin'im not doing something right or i just cant do anything right,,but THATS NOT TRUE as shes yelling i grow very very defensive, ,,shes yellin and all i want is calmness--not gonna happen....i have lost faith n myself ---
i get all defensive and hollar right back @ her,then its well,,we gotta get away from each otherand each time we argue and go against eachother it takes its toll an i cant get back to where i was icannot continueto hear how effing unresponsible or that im just using her,,or that i am not doing things right,,= its beatin me down badhump in the back of my neck are so soso inflaMMED andi have a broken heart b/c im disappointed in allof it,, i hear alot about just howbad i am,, i thnk itsenuff to make me wanna walkandkeep walking untill i fall over dead from walkin -i JUST ABSOLUTLY FEEL SO UNSTABLE AND SO HELPLESS and i have no friends at all,,,,,,im so behind with social skills i wont video myself anymore,,i hate seeingme I am just worn down - I dont even LOOK LIKE ME any more,,i want ME BACK -here am i ? i miss me, i wont do art (whichis my fav) im lettin plants just die- and im not eating very well either, i think im very very depressed beyond what ive ever known,,wheni look at pic ofme,,i can totaly se it,,its very scary - im scared and worried and all ive ever EVER EVER wanted was solid love and foundation --why is that so hard tohave>? WHY? why ..id really like to know,,,lifeis so tricky and awful now,i hate it-im NOT a happy girl. we go against each other way way to much,,itsNOT helping anything its NOT HEALTY -causes damage tothe trust factor and the
lets continue factor

neck is really giving me a hard time
elbows extreeeeeemly painful
hurtz here so badly
look @these two

good moring all u RA ppl ---i never came back yesteday,

i HAD TO rest BUT i MESSED UP SO BAD_ i was so under the influence of RA yesterday,,i felt so creepy and ill that i slept aaaaaall day ,,Kelly tried to call over and over and over,i never even heard the phone,,,untill about 2.00pm,, i heard kelly on the answer machine..and i finaly woke up . i answered the phone,,and she reminded me that i have a appt with the foodstamp people downtown,,SHIT! i slept right thru it,,i could have hobbeled down there,,but i was soo extremly tried and under the RA spell,,i had NO IDEA,, i was in bad pain,,

-knuckels hurt so bad

-FEET bones -HAND bones -HIPS and -MY NECK

our weather is changing today its windy and damp out

we have a storm comming,and colder weather too..i hate the cold - it hurts me.

-------------------------------------

politics are getting reeeeeaaaaly weird now, threats onObama's life via KKK,,i cant believe in 2008 we still have men in sheeets running around trying to start trouble..i say get a life!!!

i think sara P. is a negitive negitive person,,,and a shallow person ,,as many of the republiacans are,,i do recall TED HAGGART..and all the other repub's saying one thing and doing another,,

so hypocritical...discusting and sara is one of them,,i DONT TRUST HER AT ALL nor mcSAME either...hes ,,well,,how many times aday is he gonna say MY FRIENDS,,i hate that-

im gagging now!