morning Burrrrr cold.

1st picture is me in the morning,,then after about 3.00pm,,aftern apping,big diff..i have not been feeling very well i have no energy at all-,,been very sleepy and unable,,the pain is in my elbows,,i NEED to photo them,to document the swelling and redness ,,,also in my feet . They will not stop hurting -they hurt all the time,,i feel it most when i wake up,,the" RA bugs"=are realllllly buzy attacking me while i sleep,,, every time i wake up its the first thing i feel,,my hurting toes and ball of my foot hurt so badly,,im wondering if i may end up w/ bad feet,,that would suck... (i think my depression shows in my pictures)

Late,,,late= and im so tired sleeepy,but im having ahard time sleeping at nite,im up now @ 12.18...after 2 benodryls and a darvon,,i was on hte heating pad for my hips and back side legs..but i think it got hot and woke me up-pics from this am=

sat nite,,we have been in cold weather with high humidity and finding it hard to stay awake or get up any energy,i have allergies and they are getting worse, we think its because of that ICEstorm brought down so many trees that all the pollen andwhatever has been all kicked around and stirred up. and we r breathing it,,PLUS all the CHEMTRAILS up in the skyTOO!

*god i love these cats ..how can a person be so attached to animals,,2 cats,,i just dont know what id do without boo and e..they are our 'lil gifts from god.

another gift from god worth mentioning is we have invested -yep..in the stockmarket,,I KNOW-all timeLOW (buy low- sell high) we paid 18 cents a share for alot of stock in a" NEW- inovative- on the horizon- technical thingy stuff-" its already earned us a thousand by its climb..... we were blessed with this i do believe. its going to be our blessing down the road.

=the familiar_-The_Love_Potion art. =notice the black cat ?
========================
its almost 1.00 am,,i woke up ,(first nite after 4 good nites)need to go back to bed,,,i am making too much noise for the household and the cats wanna play -they r following me around chasing my robe string -im woosey and out of it right now= i did go see my shrink tonite {02/20 6.00pm appt} ,,,i told her again that ,my gorephobia,,whatever,,its pretty bad and i have to be forced out in order to go anywhere,,and OMG i HAVE to take a klonipin first - the "neurotin" seems to have calmed that type of anxaity to a more tolerable level... tho,,we shall see,,, it was all i could do just to go see her ..more later when i can think straight,,\
its 4.20 right NOW- i havetopick up kelly at 5.30 pm -ijust woke up from my nap,, and im all RA'dout ...even have golves on to type... hands are real sensitive - and i have splitz real bad
(cuz im tired )
LOOK:

Date:
Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:11:15 -0800 (PST)
From:
"Ivan"
To:
debramaddox@sbcglobal.net
Subject:
[the.girl.who.hates.R.A] New comment on =the familiar_-The_Love_Potion art. -------------....

Ivan has left a new comment on your post "
": Sorry. Look please here --which was NOT a "good" here (i removed the hyperlink)
Posted by Ivan to the.girl.who.hates.R.A at 5:11 AM

once again that guy IVAN left a comment that seems to do BAD THINGS to computers,stop leaving comments like that,, why r u doing that?

last night we had a LUNAR ECLIPSE (pinkfloyd)

im real tired today,,and cant do anything its 60 degrees and im so effing tired,,

MONDAY at 7.30
we r up. kelly has the day off as a holiday-
ive been up since 5,00am b/c my feet and elbows were going crazy w RA.i had 2 get to my prednisone,,,took my am (morning)pills (nurotin 300 mg - pred 10mg- and a darvon 65mg- 4 ibuprophines & i do feel better now,, from 5 am untill 7.30,,thats how long it too for me to feeel OK (enuff to walk on my feet and sit here to type)
typing been a real issue lately,,i cant seeem to last very long onthis keybord..i had a luminix light board that i broke,,damnit! now im using the generic backup keyboard and its ruff on my hands.

my art




i love EGYPTIANS!
----------------------------------------------------------
8,09 am /me and kelly are here-sitting here infront of the computrs "waking up",,,,,
Ug! i cannot tell you how much better i am feeling with the NEUROTIN -
i think it helps my MOOD TOO as well as my muscels,,as they are NOT burning in my hands and feet anymore,,,
and IM SLEEPING BETTER..i think its all very significant -Kelly remimnded me that "leah-MY shrink"- said i should take this drug but WISEMAN NEVER WOULD precribe it for me,,,its been very good and no bad effects,, good job DR KUSI- love him!
NEXT=got ready,went to walmart for food,,god thank GOD for foosstamps,,OMG -at least it gets me nutrition so i can gain some weight,, i needabout 5-8 pounds on me,,but its not happening,,i never gain-mystery-high matabolizim. i have always been a hyper -brat-and cant sit thru ONE MOVIE. its the ADD and hyperness that have caused all the trouble in my life,, i cant sit still most of the time. even tho im always tired,, its so confusing
----------tooooo skinny- i have atophy

fire rainbow-most rare -beautiful ! im amazed by this wonder


its saturday,woke up at 7.30 took my meds
kellys on a 3 day weekend!
we r sitting here at the computers as we always do,,im drowsey from the new med(N) i was reeeaaallly high from it yesterday,,i walked into a wall,,i could not tell you what day it was,,i wanted to ONLY sleep sleep sleep,,,im suprised i blogged - when i was up and awake,,like to drive downtown to get kelly,,she was really concernedabout my mental or affects from thatfrug for me to drive,,i asured her i fely OK enuff to drive downtown,,i drove slow like a grandpa,,
all was fine and we made it home safe last nite,,
-------------------------------------------------------

FUNNI thing here----------embarresseed as heck
i went to google,,search page - typed in "rheumatoid " in " IMAGES" not websearch --b/c im looking for the cure rheumatoid ribbon picture.. well im lookin and omGOD!
there I AM ON THE LOWER PAGE - LOL (red face)
it says people with RA and theirs my mugshot,,and its one BAD picture for the world to see,,
i am alllll over the web.. its creepy ..
search for "debrabmaddox" under IMAGES IN GOOGLE you can find me allll over the place,
i never knew,.,, click on pic to see larger view
~screenshot of generic search for rheumatoid,,,and this is the first page it pulled ...im on there!

whew,,bad pic too,

first day on my new drug,,called NEUROTIN,,? i slept till 2.00pm,omg,, i walked into a wall,,(did not hurt) i am off- like" weird -off" I take one in am,,one at noon and at bedtime-
the dr said when i start to take these that i MUST pay attn, to the results,,and if any thing happens to discontinue,,he was causious when prescibing and explaining it clearly to me,,but i forgot everything he said.,,, so i dont know what im sapossed to watch out for- but so far so good,,no problems other then super drowseytime.
OK did a quick search google= wow, OK= Gabapentin for Depression, Mania and Anxiety. thats cool i guess.....ok now-NOTE: Gabapentin is only approved in the USA for the treatment of people with seizures. ((((the phamasist who filled this for me was on it for seziures - he was on HUGE dose and talked to me about it)))
OK NOW=
What are the side-effects of gabapentin?
Here is a listing of gabapentin's side effects that affected 5% or more of the 543 people taking the drug during clinical trials and the frequency of those side effects in the 378 people treated with placebo in those trials:
Adverse Reactions (%)
Adverse Reaction Gabapentin Placebo
Sleepiness 19 9--------ME Dizziness 17 7-----ME
Unsteadiness 13 6-----ME Fatigue 11 3------me
Nystagmus 8 4---huh? wha?? Tremor 7 3---nope
Double Vision 6 2-----------had that anyways.
Side-effects are most noticeable the few days after an increase in dose and then usually fade.
........OK cool ...................................................
Neurontin:
300 mg capsules / 3X daily / noprob / after looking at the info on line..im not very worried about this drug,i may bennifit,,moodwise ---lets just wait and see---

what sux is i was sapossed tobe doing somethings,,thati had planned for generating mola,,aka money....but i could not stay awake

ola...
im super tired today cuz i didnt sleep well last nite and no nap today because, the wind blew a big tree branch down and hit the powerline and we were out of power this morning, no biggy tho,, i have to go to fill that damn presription at morton TOday! TOMORROW the weather gets superCOLD again,,and ill be unable, so i have to do all i need today,,. pre.cold weather,,(its 60 right now) its almost 2.00 pm and ive been w/o power ,,,so to stay awake,,(very tired) i fixed the ceiling in the front bedrooom=BEFORE ..................... ,,god= with thanks to the media PAUL doesnt stand a chance,,damn!
-----------------------------
AFTER i climbed up onto my desk and was able to reach these 10 ft ceilings,,OLDHOUSE=

its drying now

looks worse after LOL .
hell,,im justr a girl w ra,,shit what doya expect,,

ahhh i madeit tothe curb w/ garbage this am,,yippie,,im obsessed with trashday,,,
i just wanted to post something that i just read and thought "how damn relivent isthis?" YEP=
-----------------
Understanding Depression
Major Depressive Disorder (Depression) is not just a temporary mood, and it's not a sign of personal weakness. Depression is a serious medical condition with a variety of symptoms. Emotional symptoms can include sadness, loss of interest in things you once enjoyed, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, restlessness, and trouble concentrating or making decisions. Physical symptoms can include fatigue, vague aches and pains, headaches, and changes in weight or sleep patterns. For some, depression can include thoughts of death or suicide.
-------------
this from reaDING about cymbalta,,,.ug,,its so me..guess i really am depressed cuz i fit all the symptoms,and maybe i should increase my doase of cymbalta,,no,,noway,,,30mg is enuff,,

http://trinity_1970.tripod.com/egyptianaliens/index.html
I found this my old site with my art,,

TOOK these of E this am,,look at that FUNNI FUNNI FACE !!!hes a trip -lovehim all my heart!

happy sunny and COLD sunday world,,i got to sleep in and it felt great,,i think if i couldsleep until 8.00 am everymorn,,i mite be better off forthe day,,i did get up at 6.00 am (i think i blogged,,gota look to remember- I LOOKED -NO BLOG-musta been a dream,,,) anyhow-i fell sluggish still and no engergy,,but i feel OK,

i got my darvon filled last nite and took one,,OH THE RELIEF- i just didnt realize what a difference they make-they do kill pain,!

(my feet hurt still,,,real bad)

Elvis can bne so effing funni,,the lookks he can give ,,i caught a funni look here in these shots...
his EYES have such expression,,thats how we comunicate- thru our eyes,,,its pretty unique to be so close to cat,,i never even wanted to get teh kittens,,hoping to bail out from my promis t take one to help out donna to get rid of them...we took 2 instead
OLDS website dedicated to the kittens,,here:
http://debramaddoxoctober.tripod.com/dm2005/index.htm
i LOVE lookin at these pics..
we were so happy then.........
better yet,this link take u right tothe photo album,,
http://debramaddoxoctober.tripod.com/dm2005/2a.html





OK then theres ME! DORK "miss prednisone".

saturday 6.00 am ~im up with a headache from hell,,its the air and everryday i awake i NEED Ibuprophine asap....its sinuses ferser...OWIE..onmyachin'......
i took my 10mg pred and a tramadol also,,went back to bad then realized i have to have MORE meds 4 my head and feeet(RA) its alll hurtin' too much to go back to sleep.
so im doing this then go back to bed





********dr Kusi said to split up my pred,,19 mg am,,,and 10 mg in PM we r trying to decrease the dependency,,,he said that 20 mg of prednisone and my age ...not good,,,i must get off of it
before it takes my bones to nothin'
hi "G" if u r reading this today,m,,i NEED to email U! i want to talk to ya! k?K!
(later on 10,00pm) up from a snoooze -kells asleep,,we both felt weird today and surrealish--
im doing this right now just to focus on something other then the bad dreams ive been waking up to,,this one was abunch of chaos and it woke me up -to come in here and take some sleeping pills,,aka 2 benodryl and a Klonipin to ease up,,i got stressed out in my dream and it took alot to shake it off - no biggy tho-


i enjoyed the rest and relaxing saturday w/ kelly


but ,my feet have been sooo hurtful to walk on them,(for past few weeks-feet-worst),so this day we bummed,,,we rested -we wached the movie 23-,weird flick-i add'd out at the end,,could NOT focus,,but jim carry did an amazing acting job - hell i cant remember how it even ended.


note: rewatch 23-watch ending

<- me right now I DONT FEEL GOOD. itsfriday,,, im so weak and tired today i cant hardly do a thing,,weather=COLD . suX bad. havent been sleeping well@ nite i awake 2-3 X and i dont know why i would even want to get up,,,BUT I DO,,i will stay up for an hour just wondering what the hell im doiing UP * i did tell my shrink about how scared i am and how i dont ever want to talk to anyone or go anywhere,,i wonder what happened to me,,i was a scocial-lite of this town,,EVERYone knew me - and i knew everyone, tulsa is small enuff to get to know ALOT of ppl if you have worked in retaillikeme,..(12 years of manmnt in BEBE- FOLY'S- and VANITY- @ our biggest mall here in tulsa woodlandhills,,great place towork, i spent 8 years with -MERVYNS and thats what hooked into me retail ---------- i kept getting recruited for managmnt,,, i had a reputation for working hard and getting the store at least to number three in the district,,,sooo i was a great manager,,my employees,,well,,my friends,,all respected me.,. we worked great together,,GOD i miss my career..and ppl. but for now... but now i choose to stay secluded and why,,,i think i dont want anyone to see me like this,,,a failure.,,,whatever,, ,,dr prescribed some NEW medicine for me i MUST go get it - NEUROTIN i told him i have terrible tingling an fburning in hands and feet,,he said OH THAT sounds like ,,??????? cant recall- I HAVE TO TAKE 2 NEUROTINS ONE AM / ONE PM FOR WEEK AND SEE IF IT HELPS . i just looked up this drug : Definition of Neuralgia = Neuralgia: Pain along the course of a nerve. Postherpetic Neuralgia Neurontin (gabapentin) is indicated for the management of postherpetic neuralgia in adults.

*IMOPRTANT* NOW this video,,it mademe CRY_ilove ronpaul-omg with alllllmy heart i LOVE RONPAUL= i gotta crush on ronpaul-
and to add PEACETRAIN to this clip by cat stevens,,(ive ALWAYS ADORED) this is the BEST YET for ron paul

showing what 5 years can do via age,,i looked so young one day then Bamb! i woke up looking older when RA came along - its totaly worn me out- mentaly and physicaly

* its 1.05am,i got up cuz,,,a dream? pain? not quit sure why -i took my last oxy tonite (10.00 pmish )when kelly got home from - due tooooo much pain- feet& elbows especialy

am out of D. and need to fill it asap,,dunno where tho,,lookin'

for the cheapest place- want to stick w/ walgreeens b/c they know me.

-----------

im real out of it right now,,i had to take ~2~ Klonipins just chill i awoke w/ much anxity,,, they r kickin in now- im going downstairs for a second then wash hands/ and go back to bed,, (my insides hurt-and i wish id get my dot if i ever will again? i have cramps but no action and i bet its my time to stop,,,ahhh i am depressed about that,i need those falopian tubes,,-they make me a woman,,im scared to stop having my dot -and well,-it just means im getting old but is that possible? everybody does get old,,why cant i seem to feel like an adult and not some helpless freak with ra and cant do shit now,,just like a 5 yr old,,i need help even to remember things,,god,,ima ,,nope,,not gonna rag on me,,its negitive and i want posostive - im stoppin w/ the neg, remarks about how inadiquit i am,,,hehe.

its WED shoolnite 4 kelly- shawnys commin over tobnite to get K for school---its NOW 8,33am im killin tyime,,i need to LEAVE 4 MORTON,i have an apptwith Dr Kusi thismorning at 9.00 am,,i amtrying to getthere movingslowly slowly ever so slowly,,splitson my fingewrtips are bad and i have to pain med up for the pain of it all,,MORE wheni gotback,,heres me a E right NOW=

<-Maharishi Mahesh Yogi DIED TODAY- im sad to hear this-
i studied under him in the 1980s in minneapolis - I learned how to do transandental meditation thru him,,,i have a "montra" aasigned to me and it took about 2-3 months of classes to learn,,i still remember exactly how to meditate thru him,, i realllly got good at it back then,,it was like a trip and so refreshing,,it helps to meditate --i really should do it everyday -itshealthy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
**SUPERTUESDAY**= like others get into "football"----we get into "politics" thats my sport--
a VOTE tonite at our local elementary school (we voted for HILARY- i LOVE BARACK- but i see hes been recuited by the effing CFR and NAFTA and northamerican-union,,aka canada USA and mexico all one country,,F- THAT!
hilary is part of the consiracy too,, BUT shes a FEMALE with ovaries,,and cramps and i think we've had just about as MUCH TESTOSTRONE that this counrty can handel for now,, give a lady a chance! like benazir butto-damnit- this VOTE came w/ LOTS of discussion over the past weeks - between kelly and i about what to do,,we didnt want to cancel each others vote out ,,i WANT RON PAUL- but i see the "machine" is squishing him out,,,,i LOVE RON PAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but im registered "D" so for the primary,i voted for H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(hope she wins her medical plans arebetterthen baracks) i NEED medical help,,with RA and all-no insuranceand dependant on the welfare system now,,which i discovered is MUCH more friendly compadent people and service that i find perfectly comfortable and safe - my doctor that i saw back when i went wiht kelly- was doctor Kusi,fromafrica,,he was WONDERFULand helpful and SMART - he tuned into everything and KNOWS about RA- he was super efficent and i LOVED HIM yea! i have appt tomorrow,9,00am= followup from a month ago -