3.00 pmnow and ive had no nap..ive been buzy ,,but dont know with what,,kinda like time just passed with a blink of an eye..very very .weird. ITS SNOWING tho and thats why the blog- - i have had the same sinus headache for over 5-6 days now-going thru the Ibuprophine like crazy- heres a film of me today

TODAY= the freezing weather is back,,except the sun is shining too,,,so that kinda helps,,its pre-nap,,11.05,,my hips areaching so bad i have to go lay on heating pad for awhile to get past this and able to cary on thru the day w/ LOTS of things to do,,we gotta alot of transformers to look over, and price to sell,,, LOOK:
picture here:
heheheee
ive spent all morning sanitizing cuz shawny has a cold and was here last nite,,i had to do door handels ansd computer all of it,,for the second day too,,no bitching,,just saying,,its alot of work,, to anti germ everything
i cant afford to catch a cold, or get "any kind" of sick!
forgot to mention that it was a THERAPY nite="can we talk?" yep OHno i,i forgot aaaalll about it,,,6.00pm appt with her, and i FLEW up there so quick,,,, i missed my last 2 appts,so not good to miss this one at all,,,,, ~kelly and shawny went to class - i went to se my shrink and came home to a quite house untill 10.00 pm when kell got in / i had promised my shrink that i would start a painting on canvas as soon as i got home,,
she said " im not askin' you to like stay uplate or start some masterpiece,,but promise me you will add color to canvas when you get home?" ,i promised her i would (it had been awhile,,i had alot built up- i cried Alot,embarressed-kinda) so anyhoooo- reporting in for therapy..boi, did i need it- i said FLAT_OUT " im depressed and scared to go anywhere "
,.i brought a little note that said dont froget to tell shrink about gorephobia and ppl scare me -

monday morning and im back from droppin off CaKe aka kelly @ work.
i had so many thoughts thru the nite, io did not sleep deep and i woke up 2x as usuual thru the nite,, usualy its my feet that awaken me,, its just the normal thing/ im so greatful that i dont have to go into a job and sit in pain like over a year ago at cavalry,,i mean i was on last breath before i thewin the towel,,,,i could no longer go another day with out somekind of suicide attempt to get out of the misery and paiin and oucheness of it all- i mean EVERY damn jointwas gettin it then.
today is 50 degrees to start off with art 7.00am,,and its HUMID as hell so no bennifit from the warmth,,
TODAY i ned to meet kelly for lunch and we r going over to the philtower to see allen about some investment that we are interested in adn we are going to officially invest buy low sell high- i think this is a blessing from GOD-and aaaahhhhh if everything goes as we plan,,we gonna be just fine.
i give thanks NOW in advance for all blessings that come my way - via jesus...hes always got my back thats fer-sher!!!!!!!!!!tried tested & true - Amen.

IMa predface

its saturday nite,,we went to see patsy and allen braumiller and spend some time w/ them,,(been awhile)..it was so nice to see them,,
barack won the south carolina today,,i really thought hillary would win,,but nope,,
republicans have already had caucas and ron paul was like 1 percent - ZERO delegates,,OMG
i want ron paul to win so bad,
or JOHN edwards then hillary - because loved it when BILL was in office,,no issues that i can remember,,i had enuff money to actully go out and do things...so we basicly are Undecided as most of americans today,,i made a prediction 5 months ago = claiming hillary the winner in the end,,Obama sure is taking off,,we supported him just after the 2004 democratic convention speech - i said who is this man and i LOVE HIM!!!!!-he gave a speech like ive never heard and gave me chills and a tear to my eye..god,,he was incrdible,,i d vote for him anyday,,but questons about his plans,, i dont like his medical idea at all,,,i dont know where id fall .inhisdeal,,,, ?

<-this is elvis reading his newspaper

its friday -COLD as (youknow what)

and my elbows hurt

i wrote a bunch of stuff and blogsite came back with an error and some kind of code to report,,i was so pissed,,im not reporting it,,i was just pissed cuz all that typing,-reallllly sux when that happens ~ i have been Xtremly cold and overly tired,,i cant make it thru a day with out needing to sleep and BAD! i am wrapped up in lots of layers and its 46 degrees out,,,i FEEL like its below zero tho,,,, its me,,i would get up and do a little dance or do something to stir my blood but it only made me more tired --looking back i blogged the same thing last sunday- also for the record i

have gone days without pain meds,, except darvon TONITE right NOW ,,thats why i am up now,,i was sleeping and kelly woke me up to say that i was really moaning and jerking and acting painful in bed,,so,,i took 2 D and im up waiting for them to help ,,i hurt bad in my feet and hips and back of my legs and hands hurt too,, neck has backed off now,,RA just travels around looking for new territory to attack,,

mlk day! (got mlk?)

more from sunday eve,,,,,,,,,,,, im RA'd out in my hips realbad../... i feel so damn tired im past the point of able to sleep,,(i get like thatalot,,i have been depressed as i noted in the past blog,,but tonite i went to check weather, BURRR and news at CNN,,LOOK what i found,,no wonder i feel so depressed ... good news ,,,im not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOOK"
updated 8:00 p.m. EST, Sun January 20, 2008

January 21: Saddest day of the year?

There's a lot to feel down about this month: the subprime mortgage crisis, the weather, gas prices, presidential primary free-for-alls. So, it would be easy to believe the theory that Monday will be our most depressing day of the year. But a track of online searches for "depression" shows there's an even worse day.
(continued if interested )

There's a lot to feel down about this month: the subprime mortgage crisis, stormy, unpredictable weather, rising gas prices, presidential primary free-for-alls. So, it would be easy to believe the theory set forth by Dr. Cliff Arnall, a researcher from Cardiff University, that the third Monday of the month (Jan. 21, this year) — a day he calls Blue Monday — will be our most depressing day of the year. Arnall bases his yearly prediction on a formula he developed, which factors in the weather, consumer debt from holiday spending and failed New Year's resolutions and arrives at that conclusion that we'll hit rock bottom on Monday the 21st. Aside from the fact that Arnall's theory has been discounted by many in the academic community, I've got a better way of finding the true nadir of depression: Look to our search behavior.

In the digital age we're likely to turn to search engines just as often as we would confide in friends and medical professionals to gauge our psychological state. If we think we're suffering from a real bout of the blues or a mental crisis, we're likely to Google the symptoms or find a chat group in the hopes of performing a self-diagnosis. In fact, online searches for "depression" are among the most popular searches sending traffic to the 5,900 sites that we track in the Hitwise Health and Medical category — but the peak is not in January. According to our Internet behavior, our depression spikes reliably in mid-November every year, right in time for Thanksgiving, the launch of the holiday season.

To confirm this timing I took a look from a different perspective. If we're depressed, we're probably also seeking pharmacological help. By aggregating the traffic to the websites of the top antidepressants and charting visits to those sites over the last three years, a very interesting pattern emerges. The spike in traffic to the official websites for drugs like Lexapro, Prozac, Paxil and Cymbalta occurs in late October and early November, two weeks ahead of the height in searches on "depression." It's almost as if people anticipate their holiday depression and start shopping early for their drug of choice.

Another surprise lies in the demographics of visitors to antidepressant websites — they're not who you would expect. If visitors to Lexapro.com, for example, are at all representative of the typical depressed individual, depression during November is an affliction primarily of the young and the old, but not of the middle-aged. The two age groups that account for the largest portion of site visitors are 18 to 24 (26.2%) and over 55 (27.6%). Visitors to Lexapro's site also tend to have average to above-average incomes: 51% of visitors come from households earning between $60,000 and $150,000 per year, while 20% come from households that earn over $150,000 — a sample, perhaps, not of the depressed in general, but of those who can afford to seek treatment.

So, Dr. Arnall, despite the failing economy, the storm of the century here in Northern California, a disappointing roster of presidential candidates and deciding that New Year's resolutions aren't for me this year, I'm feeling pretty good about things. If search data is any indication, I'm not alone.

WOW! on front page of CNN online tonite,,,

(sometimes i have 2 really go over these blogs 2 fix my booboos)
we went to walmart,,ug,,this is what they mean by SQUEeeeeeEze the middle class(US)
EVERYthing has increased as far as cost ,, it wore me out at the super walmart-once home,,down hill from there(forgot to take my other prednisone at noon like usual-took at 4.oopm)
note: have not been takin' many pics or movies lately..huuummm

i forgot to come back the other day,i really have been super tired and unable - yep- UNaBle again- and it comes as i saw huge chem trails AGAIN days ago,and the weather is C-O-L-D-like 20 degrees, me and cold -not Good_ it really affects me- i get lethargic - and tired easy- i have deep down depression,even tho im takin my pills as directed, --i feel reeeal uncertian and insecure again, i feel im not up to speed and dragging down the house down - cuz i cant keep up for a few days mentally or labor wise.,,-i usually "see/feel" it (in the air when kell's alittle irritated w/ me,,,its so hard 4her and she reallly does the best she can=and its great-*I leave all my earthly possesions 2 her -"art included"- to her-
******BUT TO GIVE MY DADDY SOMETHING AND MARY SOMETHING*****
Kelly's been thru the shit with all this - working with sleep disorder,,and such sensitive allergies and gut- we really think she has MRSA and some kind of sleep disorder,,-it affects her mentality for the next day,,we BOTH know sleep isso important and if we dont get it we both suffer

its FRIDAY, its a sunny day,BUT cold-burrrr COLD and getting colder,,
i gotta run to get tag tax and title..i NEEEEEEEEED to blog -bad - my thearapy and i need it,,ive missed my last 2 appts with my shrink,,im mentally unstable---well,,,more like fragile,,or sensitive,,and i think im goiing thruthe change,,,ive no dot this month - aka period - i call it dot.
anyhoo..i goota go,,be backin a bit with reports of heath meantal feeelings and pics

monday night and we doin ok
i wentto the G-store-reasors- and walgreens for script and the ATM for kelly then at her POE by 4:20; kell came out and said she gets one hour OT so briannia will bring her home - i ran back to unload the grocery's and chilled out,
kelly came home at 5:40 and shawny-girl just behind her, they studied while i stayed buzy on projects out front...i have medical and work history-taxes-cards from my Bday and kells Bday-sooo,,im on a "MONK-type" binge to organize -i wont be content until its all in folders with lables in my file cabinet...order is necessary

report from this moring:
~ NOTE for the record i awoke this morning LATE- (9:00am)in seroius pain,,crying pain,,untill i took the meds,, i woke up with such RA and after alot of ibuprofen-darvon coffee and tramadol and klonipin,,and 420,and 2-3 hours i could then move about.
HERES whats killin' me,,first of all my feet have been really getting it,,NOTE:need to take pics.
they r changing-they seem to ALWAYS hurt no matter what,
NEXT its my spine,,i feel the RA has moved down a knotch or two,,and it always there-looking to kill me,,my own spine for godsake" killing me-dead",,,i have always complained about RA in my spine, but it was higher up back then ,,and now its moved down- just lovely
THE only way to get past it, is to load up with pain-aids-darvon-heating pad-tramadol- whew,,its been bad,,i want a cortisone shot in my back -if i could find a doctor to do it,,at least i'D get 2-3 months of relief .....its late, im up with a gut ache- im real tired cuz i took more painaids this PM,,,ive napped today,its so good to sleep...
-------------------------
i found these pics of our heater we had to Replace cuz when the power boosted up ,,it blew some of our things-including our efffing HEATER, omg - .,,,most expense storm,,,,




<-me&E

things i neeed to remember
#1. gorephobia to my shrink,,god,,i get so afraid to leave this house,,whats wrong with me huh?
#2.spliting up my daily dose of prednisone,,,wires me into the night,,not good.. so i take 10 at say about 6am then 10 at noonish.
#3.Chemtrails the other day...i took pictures this time,because,they were THICK and so effing many of um,, i think this coralates somehow with my illness RA and alllergies as well- i get sick when they do this

= looks like im

feel in'

pretty good huh.,,,???

it lasted for 4 days and i took advantage,,pushing myself over the limit everyday,,iused painaids to sleep and get thru the day...BUT it all feel apart yesterday,when my hands were swollen and i could not walk,,and GOD...my spine HURTS wheeww...i had to break out the "oxy" or i was gonna cry,,all ios well,, i just awoke from 2 days(yesterdy and today) of sleeping hardcore,,i have some kind of alergy thing too,m,my eyes are just bleeding tears and i have had a runny nose fordays now,, i have small cits o n my hands that look infected and hurt like little effing things,,i got so beat up from the cleaning andstraighting out the basement,,,,i wanted to vaccuim every floor in the house and i did!=now im payin 4 it. and its cold out again

heres me now,,,wrecked ... and no energy- ug!

we r GLUED to CNN and watching all this UNfold,,like its a superbowl,,dallas vs. denver,,hell,,,,i really dont know any thing about football,,,
but we r up cheering and going ON! = like some kind of superbowl freaks of politics(loving every minuet of it too haha) go wolf blitzer!

ive been to MORTON and have not written about my experience there:
we got there early=COLD as shit out too... which makes me so RA'd- i got to see a doctor from Africa then went to NY for studies and moved here to volunteer for a term at this clinic,,he was a MIRACLE- LOVED HIM -kell did too.......
we were so effing empressed with the protical - the human factor - the compasion from the employees and MOST OF ALL,,,the path to HELP and cheap meds.
the doctor said he has had many patients with rheumatoid,,he said all we wanted to know,,,he wants me off of prednisone in a year,,,slowly because it will lead to weak bones in the long run,,he said im ONLY 46 and willl live until at least 80,,,so we need t save my bones NOW and get going on therapy,,i have weak lower from no strenght,,remember my blogs about how i cant sit on my own god given ass??? because i have deteriorated so bad in my hips and feet too.... i fell Good about it,,i gotta go
back in ONE month to see him - i dont mind..i also have been given the plan to wean off of pred,.,.,so that GREAT! he siad he could tell i have been oin predawhile,,see it on my face,,,awwwww,,,but thans ok - i can loose it

i love this picture of feeding the hipo in bronxzoo- 1920 somthing

<-pic from tulsa freezing icestorm dec.2007

its thrusday- its cold as @*!# and it affects me in all ways (most uncomfortable would be frozen numb feet) i havent been taking pics lately due to the cold air..it really slows me down to a snails pace and i think i get so tired because im bundeled up all day moving around,,,it weighs alot,,these warm clothes takes all my energy....it wears me out to walk around with all these clothes and a coat on. i will be so glad when spring gets here.....burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


temp is 28degrees and feels like 16 due to the moist air.....


god i hate winter with RA...they dont go together.


no wonder they all move to the southwest.....
----------------------------------------------------------------
wrote that this morning,.,im up from my nap,,im moving alittle bit better,,,more sleep always does me good- only way to get RA undercontrol, but OMG the guilt of being able to sleep during wrking hours is so weird,an & unproductive./.its still freezing out,,,/ i have to wear gloves to type and walk around with a blankie wraped,,thermostate reads 70-73- and its still cold in here.