this lil cutie named star.

I was hard working and dedicated to my job when all of a sudden, everything changed.
i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.
Now i cannot work or do much of anything,,and im young. I cannot get treatment for rheumatoid arthritis because i have no insurance, because i cannot work. this is a vicious cycle that has to be stopped. I i should not have go thru all this pain from rheumatoid arthritis and have NO treatment,,i only get more depressed when i think of this,,i used to be very active and fun. Now I'm sad and in pain and going crooked in my joints -this is just not fare to me at all
..this is what i sent into "moveon.org" they are asking everyone whats most important for Obama and America's recovery -my answer was number one economy- number two is health care for all, number three was ??cant recall,, END THE WAR

of course god,how could i forget that !!!!!!!!!!most important!and NOW the results are in,

i was close and picked all they have

results NOW:

#HEALTH

#ECONOMY

#GO GREEN

#END WAR

http://pol.moveon.org/2009/agenda/results/

cool

hands = see that damage?

i accidenly took too much pred

im passed out here=the baby sleppin witMe!awwww

my lil black shadow

waaaaa??? 3.30 pm post? wow thats diff....
its because i accidently took 15mg more extra of my pred ,,,so im speeding my head off,,ive been wandering the house tring to do what i can for Xmas decorations .....ive managed to collect some christmas things overthe past few years,,because like i said before ..all of my beautiful,,very VERY VERY expensive stuff for chruistmas all (glup) was stolen when we got roobbed years back,,heart pounding,,tear,,OhNO,,not the memories of that,,i ALWAYS get a punch in my gut and feel my heart just pounding double time ...klonipin please! -im telling ya,,i had some effing great halmark christams everything,,and that shit is EXPENSIVE and collectors stuff,,my tree was classic and on a golden scrolled platform a and absulutly beautiful in a classacal way- quality stuff --NOTHING from wallmart,,all department store items,and VERY expensive,,(already said that) ok im in a ad moood now,grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i love my family

i remember this lil cute lil baby we saved..ohh how cute
http://www.dropshots.com/debrabmaddox#date/2006-09-05/23:09:16
she thinks shes hiding,,thats SO cute (she does this alot)




i slept soo much and i felt good BUT i realize today i have 2 see tracy the shink at nine am.
Im scared,im always scared to tt a shrink.cuz i they can see thru our clothes right down to our naked-ness,,and im embarrassed about my naked-ness,i AM!
i dont want to show that,,and thats probably my whole effing problem,,is not wanting to be ME-
i guess i just dont like me,,,,,,,,so sad.
i think im a spaz !
unable to pay attn. im a fool that needs way way more just a klonipin - i need ..? ...?
need..to be able to act and visit w/people calmly (not like the way i do,so hyper) I HATE HOW HYPER I AM,but one benefit is the high metabolism- has allowed me the pleasure of donuts donuts donuts,,,,and i didnt have 2 worrie about my weight,,in fact: i needed to gain some weight.
but now im 117 pounds nand have to stop right there ~NO more weight..or i wont have jeans to wear~
ABOUT THE RA:
my friend gloria who is working with RA and doing OK except she has RA in her EYES too--shes the only other person who has ever said anything about RA being in a weird place,..i say
i have RA in my eyes((((i told kelly i have RA in my eys a YEAR ago)))
but its not the same as g's RA in her eyes (she has a name for her eye condition)
i become very blurry and my vision goes to double ,,i see two of everything,,and all is so damn blurry - so i have 2 of things i have no idea whattheyare.....and i feel like my vision is better after alot of sleeep..i swear i have RA in my eyes! that just sux! ((oh and my lazy eye gets real bad when RA is attcking me)RA is so unpredictible,U just never know what the day is gonna be like,,am i OK or not? i get up take my meds,,i have backed off the darvon ALOT cuz i want to monitor the pain,,i cant tell whats goingon if im on darvon ,,, pain is a signal we must pay attn to,,,thats why we have pain -- its a warning,,an attn getter,,,ya know? so i must see just how bad my neck is/what my hands & FEET feel like.

OMG myneck is BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~after i took kelly to wrk i thougth how am i gonna make it to tracie's? my NECK is KILLING mE so badly , so i came back here,,t0 regroup and see what i was going todo,,i called in to tracie and rescheduled,,i cannot take this neck,,i am so worried about my hump on my neck (swelling of the bone/ spine area) i did a google search of hump on neck and i got" black eyed peas"(funni)
and i got this too,,,,
a duwagers hump,,i never heard of itbut ive seen it on older folks,(bless their hearts)
scary, im afraid of maleforming -its scaring me.
Neck Pain
Cause:
Inflammatory Diseases
The vertebral column.Rheumatoid arthritis can destroy joints in the neck and cause severe stiffness and pain. Rheumatoid arthritis typically occurs in the upper neck area.
OHBOI I JUS' KNEW IT!
http://orthoinfo.aaos.org/topic.cfm?topic=A00231

Cheney applauds Obama's choice of national security team this headline JUST gets me going because DUH! barack has an IQ UNlike the current president,,and i NEVER EVER respected the bush's to all him or his dad,president i call him/them bush,,((or freaks)and i am glad they thew a shoe at him,,those sandle slappin iraqi's are crazy!

also ID like to be the FIRST to say i ALREADY see people in politics who are speaking to crowds tring to emulate..OK COPY the presdsident elect barackobama ..they r using his
"let me be clear" line all the time,,i cant stand it .. total copycats and we hate copycats and SNITCHES too...damnit

i cant belive i did not post anyhting today,,its TOO cold and i cant move right when its this cold,! i will fall,,i drop things and RA really doesnt like the cold,,it makes it worse --it hurts me and my flesh ( weird but true)
im from minnesota,,i grew up in the cold,,never has it bothered me,,infact i preferred the cold over heat any day,, make up stays on better and hair styles up alot easier ,,its just the R A making me hate the cold,,i become so sensitive of the cold i have to wear my hat scarf and gloves inside, thats alot of extra weight on me,,so i get tired just walking around,,i am better off just sleepin and thats what i did toady,,i slept like ther e was n tomorrw,(guilty feeling) BUT that sleep made me MUCH more able to ditch the coat inside the house tonite,,i really hate the cold weather now,,

these 2 are the ones who wake me up everymorning....

sunday morning,,i woke up cuz 2 furry creatures were playing on me =how do they know its 6.00am,,they know its time to wake me up,(cute)

i really gotta be more productive today,so i dont get depressed,i didint do anything yestrdy and i feel real guilty about that.

i have alot i should do today (sunday) its a nice day,,i woke up and it was like no pull over,,no shoes needed,its warm and my RA is at bay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no real issues,so i wanna decorate for christmas then since i feel OK - its all organized downstairs and i think alittle chirstmas feeel will be nice,,did i ever tell you about my trunk full of beautiful chirstmas stuff ive saved for al;l my life,,it all got stolen from me when i first met kelly and got real sick from RA(didnt know)

it was all packed so nicely in a old antique steamer trunk -it ws so upseting to me,it gave me shingels and i had to go to the hospitial,,they said at the hospitial, that i was the youngest and could they please take pictures of my shingelsfor student to study,,,and also,,could the students come in to observe i was soo in pain i said i didnt care what happened,,just get rid of these shingels,,

HEYKELLY JUST woke up now,,its a very warm morning today!

i see my "obsessions" are NOW getting some attn inthe headlines AOBUT TIME!!!i have been hollaring about this for ALONG TIME now (((( (im obsessed w/posse and codex (food))))VIDEO: Lou Dobbs Show on Martial Law, Posse Comitatus

click to enlarge to read

really very weird,i wonder why the news has not reported on it,,,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iusq6j8cG1o

im having a very bad stomach ache all day today / we havent done much 2.day other then be bums(guilty)

windy today,,and i feel creepy - kinda menopausal ish,moody,and lazy and all those other negitive things. i pray for peace.

my camera sux because i dropped it (ofcourse) with stiff hands from RA-i didnt have good hold-it fell to the ground and the iris took a blow and has a crack soo it doesnt work so well with the focus and all. these do not show my fingertip splits very well

my left paw

my tiny star

i wish i'd see a UFO dangit! seems like everyone sees them but me,,and im the believer.
i reaaaaalllly see alot of UFO and alien stuff on TV and in the news and in adds like att / beer/CNN /larry king live,,you got the UFO hunters on history channel,,( love that show ) im saying its the UFO ufo disclosure going on slowly but surely right in front of us. i love aliens,,i do, except id just shit if i saw one!
---------------------------------
its almost 11.00am im getting sleeeepy,,i tt colin B. on the phone for awhile-and helped him w/ a issue with a loan.
kelly's off at noon.
i want to get stuff done like clean up the front bedroom,,its a disaster,vacuum,scrub and clean the basement up-but whew,,that makes me tired just thinkin about it,,maybe later,,,my fingertips have splits in them again,,they are intense with pain, i have tried all the remedy's again,, bandaids- vaseline and -medical tape wrapped,,but i know this routine by heart now- its gotta run its course and it will go away in days meanwhile,,ooouuwwwiiee,must be some kind of skin deal,,like a fungus or something,,no ones ever seen anything like it- the splits appear on tips of every other finger and they run deep like bad paper cuts on your fingertips,,,,i do believe it is connected with the ra somehow? just like my collar bone that hurts and my back spine,,all very weird things and im so sure its related 2 RA