its thursday i woke up feeling OK because i slept soo much yesterday.i tell ya,,its the cure-sleep,,,i feel RA in my feet when i walk but my neck is not as bothersome as usual,. kell was at school last nite-i just slept b/c my neck hurt so bad from falling down the day before.

almost 7.00am,, i gotta go help get kell going ..she has not woken up yet,OMG! its late!AH!
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OK - i'm back from dropping off kelly downtown,and its COLD out but the sun is shinning and thAT makes ALL the difference ... my RA is OK for now,,i see i had someone leave a message on one of my posts, about neurotion drug,,he said the same thing i did-no way no good-
makes ya sleep even more then when you have RA (ra makes you tired anyways)
neurotin drug is used for controlling epilepsy and i read that prednisone and neurotin are not good together and prednisone is my priority,,i mean im hooked on it,,i cant discontinue it-pred.- if i wanted to. i have to taper off and it will take a long time,,i am down to 15 mg a day ,,im going to get down to 5 mg if i can help it,,,this new year,,,if im allowed the SSDI,,i can rest then in peace and not be so dang stressed out // just thinking about my court date stresses me out,OMG butterflys in my stomach right now! * i pray for favor thru jesus christ amen.

good morn all u RA people! im in a weirdmood,,real draggy and unmotivated for anything- the pics above were just taken,,i fell down yesterday,and got hurt - let me start a the begining tho, i picked up kelly from her work at noon cuz they all get half a day off instead of what they got all the years before,,((( a costly christmas party and bonus and days off )))) this year they are sapossed t o be glad they have a job! and they all got half a bonus and the half day offf,,big deal,but hey we r thankful (to a degree)
i was really out of it yesyterday the weather changed drasticly,,its SOOO COLD NOW and im stiff and thats why the fall,,,on my kitchen floor i took a step and wooosh i slid and tumbeled down to the floor - kelly was on the pone with patsy so she didnt hear it ((it was a loud fall)
i hurt my kneee and elbow and hand... my RA in my spine hurts,,the fall kicked in the RA in to full attack on my spin neck area....i do have RA in my spine I DO,,i didnt think that could be possible,,but im telling you,i have RA in my spine and in , eyes --there are no joints there, but i feel RA in my eyes and in my neck-spine. i DO

wed eve: i woke from my nap, at 3.00pm,i did not want to wake up either,I'm really hurt from the fall yesterday,my knee is swollen and sore= and im tender all over -feels like just fibromyalgia which Doctor Wise (saw for over a year or so,while med.insured) Dr Wise said i display all the symptoms,,i just deny it tho,,,i tried to deny RA for aLONG time before i gave in and let Kelly drag me to see a doctor to get checked out,,she knew (she suspected i had LUPUS and so did a doctor in 1998) Kelly comes from a very medical background , she has worked in the medical world and started working w/ppl disabilities and also she was a supervisor at a children's home (the youngest member on the staff but by far showed competence and ability to deal with troubled kids placed in these homes
at a young age of twenty something-her moms joy and Angela are both long time nurses,,joy is doing special home health i think,,and Angela is a nurse that gives you that dang dye to drink and shoots the pics of a scanner thingy,,i had one done 2 yrs ago,,i cant remember what they are called,,,c.t . scan something ??? i still have my huge Xray from that thing, i drank crap and lay still while they photo'd my chest and my guts ..... ahh here's a picture of the scan;
its a huge pic when you click on it. i feel weird about showing my insides online, its really not very sexy at all,,nor is RA dang it,,i have not felt "sexy" in years, i wonder if its the RA (i feel.... Abby-somebody,Abby-normal...) i don't feel like showing up in public anymore,i don't wanna run into someone i know at the grocery store,AKA walmart
i want to improve myself ,,,I'm extremely vain-shame on me,,

hi,i need to blog,,its like blister that needs to be popped,, a itch to scratch, a fix, a must do or else!!! OMG im addicted to blogging,,i hate that word blog itt sounds like a thing you'd find in a swamp ,,or a garbage can. heheeeee im strange they say,,i know i am,,i freak my own self out continuously, i have been trying to see what i do all day ,how i spend my time,,and when i feel like i gotta lay down ..when why and what was i doing and thinking--before the i need to lay down -
i am trying to heal myself,,and if i dont pay attn. i cant do it.
i am going to make a promise to yoga/meditate each and everyday- it only takes a hour and it does so much good-
now i wanna write about my Tuesday session w/ my shrink (tracy)
shes nice, i like her, she is real good at keeping me on track- i cannot believe im seeing a shrink to begin with,,its sooo strange,but God has placed me on this path,,and i must face my demons NOW its time,,god is preparing me for something
i have to wake up spiritually and mentally or i will get left behind- i dont want to be left behind.
TODAY is a specail day, wheni came in here to wake up,,i found a note from kelly,,she wrote how much she is happy and feels like everything will be OK,,i feel like that too,,we r OK as long as we got each other...we r each others support and we got each others back,,,i have a very rare and unique beautiful friendship here and i believe it was formed thru God's blessing and its only become stronger and more of a "foundation" that i say i NEED ever so badly.thru talking to my6 shrink i realize now that i have learned how to pay attn to what i am doing, i never ever would want to hurt anyone or be cruel or just plain ol mean to anyone - including mean to myself.
now i gotta go gather up all my gold jewelry and send it to a place on TV thats gonna promise to send back money,,HAHAHA ,, that commercial gets me everytime..i laff at it,,what fools to send off gold in the friggen mail. ((((oh and i see they r trading guns for food ,,just like i read would happen as they try to de-arm us i read all the underground sites and they are always 2 steps ahead of mainstream)))
this lil tortious shell kitten i found serching in google-looks alot like our lil starbaby ---cute lil' face
star and elvis all cuddled up on this very cold afternoon and eve.
this pic shows the cute-ness of star's lil' profile 0h,shes Tooo cute!

monday am,,,wke up with minimum pain, able to get going, have no chooice tho) OUR car is at dons auto repair, we took it over there lastnight,,and kellys moms gave us one of their cars to borrow..(thank god) I went over to dons after dropping off kelly at POE- dons gonnna look at it and call with whats wrong with it GOD I HATE CARS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ur5AYncDDE0

noticed someone is here from Barajul Secu,Resita,Caras-Severin(Romania) i LOVE ROMANIA thats where my German heritage comes from.my grandma biwer was from Romania-she was black dutch and german and my grandpa was completly german.
BTW=NO-ONEin my family has had RheumatoidArthitis.
http://picasaweb.google.com/debrabmaddox/Number3MyBIWERSInIOWAMyHeritage#4999504587511431186
i took my pred and lexapro,,now i need to go lay back down because is cold and only 6.30 am and i have to be quiet, soi should just go watch TV in bed untill?
http://www.escapeartist.com/OREQ11/Romanian_Real_Estate.html
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back @10.00am and feeling mucho better with the extra sleep - sleep is the cure,i always say....
its sat ..and that big ball of fire in the sky is out and im glad! AKA the sun..inside joke,,

Ive been really "task-buzy" lately, that alwys leads to pain then rest then the cycle spins again,we absolutely have no mola, ive gotta be creative and think of gifts for loved ones and friends this Xmas, i also have tol list and try to sell patsy's things(not too much-just garage-sale stuff)
THIS computer has a new VIRUS and it wont go away,,LOL,,i can fix it, i just feel lazy about it.
i have a big ol jealous black cat in my lap,,hes real mad at the baby .... ive never seen such jealousy - i cant believe how he is acting toward the baby,,ive seen him
just out right hissssss and swat out at her,,i popped him and reminded him,hey shes just a lil'baby...dont be so mean..he frowns..and waits for his next chance to gt her. We clipped her nails, they were OhSO sharp, easy to do and we also gave that lil girl a long flea bath and she was a reall sport, her coat is so pretty.
-lots of new pics in the albums here at picassa:
http://picasaweb.google.com/debrabmaddox

these 2 are kleanin away! its five right now, and im up for prednisone lexapro and vitimans-(heard them mention codex on TV the otherday while reporting on vitimans and the future)

up way early due to a couple of furry creaTures playing on me at five AM -i have not been able to type at all -RA in hands and thumbs bad, and i have splits on fingers when i type-it hurts.(fingers)

its verry hard to use my hands for the past week- its only gotten worse and ive done all i can thinkof ((been wearing vasiline on hands and cloth gloves ))) and not doing alot w/my hands.

this is me before having to go talk to my shrink Tracy on tiuesday am at 9.00- i didnt feel good at alll and its cold now andi forgot how bad the cold can hurt me..i cannot just wear any l thing,i gotta bundel up and wear a hat sometimes and i MUST wear a scarf around my neck -mybody does NOT like the cold at all, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Cold air are enemies

~i picked kelly up yesterday at noon - shes off for the fri-sat-sun-now, and i am super glad, its way cold out,(20's) and i have been buzy with saving plants, i still have plants out front but they are wrapped and under alot of plastic. we may have to bring all of them in,,(OMG) we r just going along day by day, i cant imagine them surviving the whole winter w/o heat out there.

Dig this ol school phone-we luv it.

also have been under pressure from atty to fill out a SSSDI form, and get all evidence together to prepair for january 8th friday hearing SSDI - have a form that requires ALOT of attn from me,,ii have been working on it slowly ,question by question,(but have not filled outanything LOL) god im crazy-i really am,,they diagnosed me down at family and childrens and i feel bad -i told my shrink, that im felling weird about that, OHWELL,, really who cares,,im starving right now,,im gonna go checkonkats eat and go back tobed! (hi gloria)

try to be positive for the betterment of all

e is under mytable here,on a sleeping bag i have out on thefloor

zzzzzzzz

wow i want one

its a cooooooooold monday morning and gloooomy and dark, it makes me feel depressed and quiet about things. i want to paint - or do some art, to cheer myself up. but ive got important things to do today
find someone to fix our car(antifreeze leak)
~fill ink from printer at walgreens
~fill up on gas from the shell station
~make a list of foods we need
~straighten up / vacuum / dust w liquid gold.
~call danniel
~email joy and ang for a thnk u on ll those cute goodies she brought over herer for us,,she brought us christmas music,(my favorite)
im trying to get over the RA -REAL BAD NECK -LOWER BACK IS HERE AGAIN.
i recall when i was over at patsys,,all that activity caused me to loose control of my thumbs and my lower back,,when i tried to use my legs they didnot work properly,,i had to miove my legs with my hands and i felt like they were NOT attached to my body.they were numb. i fell down hard but.its cold so i have blankets all over the flooors back here,,so i landed softly .. its called Neuropathy i was told the tingeling and numbness are Neuropathy .i was prescribed neurotin=

i had a bad reaction,,i swelled up to the size of this 2 thousand square foot house, i was worried i was gonna blow up ..i stopped that neurotin on my own -doctor got mad at me then-i felt thats when he (kusi) wrote me off at that point-he gave up on me.

neurotin picture of me
elbows out of control then

the neurotin did this to me

i quit taking it,,and the doc got mad at me.