Friday, July 28, 2006

I just sat here for over

ONE-one fricken hour
HIP/wrist pain just to blog -when i cant even stand the name "blog"- "blog"-ick who started calling it that, how dumb/i just got it ready to publish- and bam! something went way wrong,, i lost it! everything -OMG -all i typed ,, even my little story of how i remember my great-grandma in her garden ,, wait,wait wait.. forget this,, im just gonna try to remember what the fuck i typed then redo it,, im trying to take a deep breath,relax here and get rid of any anger,,ok,,, go for it,, ---------------- deep breath ------ its hard to forgive this website for loosing my whole page of typing, but ,, it really... was my own hyper-active fault- i did not read what the thing said..i clicked OK ,and it was all gone,,shit-i wanted to just start bitchen here, but now im laughin-
today is friday, its actully 8.30 pm,,my cat elvis and i are here at the computer and i wanted to take time to log some stuff
today was very very steamy and hot,- i went out side for about 10 minuets- and was sweatng abnormally - so, i went inside,, but i did move one chunk of monkeygrass over to where i wanted it- i took my methotrexate shot today, the dose is now .5cc as per Dr Mckay/ they have also bumped up my remcaide appt. to the 10th of next month august/ instead of the end of august/ they want me every 4 weeks ,not 8 wks - as protocol would have me,,but im stuck in a flare- and it wont let me go. So we have to be hardcore fight back .
The reason im in this state NOW is due to a fight with my kidneys or liver,cant remeber,
but i became " acidic" ? ,,
they said that i have to stop all my metho and remcaide untill blood test came back OK,,
and that took awhile,,
its been about 3 months of this,, i almost was stable until i went acidic,, but they said that just happens,,its why they take my blood every time - so,OK im learning,
anyhow,my hands are going crooked and my wrists are twisted up - and i predict they will be the first to go,,whatever that means,
my wrists are soo delicate,they hurt so bad- (reminds me of the prednisone has weakened me, ive chipped 2 teeth within a 2 month period and my crown fell off too, so that shit- medicine is messing with me, and there is nothing i can do,, (wont even go on about how my hair is falling out by the hand full)
well, lets nutshell,im tired,
i will recall my great grandmas story again - before i LOST ALL my words on that last effort here, i thought of her because i posted the picture of me in upper left in the front yard about 2 weeks ago,, i was happy because i was outside in the garden, an i planted a flower, and i was very happy about that! i love dirt, love to garden, i love to plant - and i dont care about the DONT DO ANYTHING rule from my doctor,,i have to plant! i inhereted that from my mother , and her mother and her mothers mother ,,my greatgrandma, i loved her -her name was dorothy fink and she, and milo fink, my great grandad ran the post office in a small town in orchard iowa,, hung out with great grandma and grandad alot as a kid, -they had a garden, to the extreme, perfect , as a child i thought it was majik! and so pretty,, but i was afraid of the bumble bees too much to pay attention to the beauty, they were too distracting for me as a kid,,i got stung as a kiddy and was always afaid of anything that buzzzzzes
from that moment on ,,,,,,grrr,,shake shake,ug! ick.
hehehe,,goodnitenow, ifanyone is out there!

Daily extended (by's a focused energy inside of you, and it's growing stronger every day, buoyed by the bright admiration others are showing you. That energy is your subconscious, getting you ready for a big event and prepping you for a wonderful opportunity. Your self-confidence is bursting at the seams right now, but hold it back until the time is right to really strut your stuff. The spotlight is heating up and just about to be pointed in your direction! - wow,im excited,, hollywood's comming? or what?

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