look at this sign of the times,, I SWEAR TO GOD we R in the END of times...
may Jesus care after me and you!
taken from today's NYT,,(liberal,but)

reference:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/14/us/14drug.html?adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1208210867-6INklHetEPiWjKKbxGajMg

Co-Payments Soar for Drugs With High Prices:

With the new pricing system, insurers abandoned the traditional arrangement that has patients pay a fixed amount, like $10, $20 or $30 for a prescription, no matter what the drug’s actual cost. Instead, they are charging patients a percentage of the cost of certain high-priced drugs, usually 20 to 33 percent, which can amount to thousands of dollars a month...

The system means that the burden of expensive health care can now affect insured people, too.
No one knows how many patients are affected, but hundreds of drugs are priced this new way. They are used to treat diseases that may be fairly common, including multiple sclerosis, rheumatoid arthritis, hemophilia, hepatitis C and some cancers. There are no cheaper equivalents for these drugs, so patients are forced to pay the price or do without.
now i ask YOU> is it worth having INSURANCE NOW??? my god,,i was so upset for NOT having insurance 2 treat my RA BUT NOW,look,im just not so sure anymore
~besides,,all DMARDS cause cancer (lymphomia)
im LEFT with natural cures and a prayer.........
deformaty is occuring slowly to my feet and hands after 6 hard-core painful years. how much do we endure ? i guess as much as we can- then takea pill!

who is this??? im not sure...................................................................................... feelingVERYmenopausal today-sniff-

noNUROTIN (AM dose) today

heres a movie of me now-

today=sunday-cold weather -very unusual 4 this time ofyear

every doctor has said "its the prednisone "/this doesnt even LOOK LIKE ME/ why did it start 2 weks after Neurotin then eh? they refuse to listen,they all say it is prednisone storeing it self up and causig the pufffyness - OK explain the red flushness of my upper then? ahh no reason for that???,,OK then what about the costo,,
ive had it from march 1st,WHY? Oh no answer again,,,,wow,,we r getting nowwhere fast,,shoulda just fucking stayed HOME -how fustrating when at first a doctor acts like hes gonna help ya,then he acts like he doesnt know you from fucking adam,,he actully asked if i had insurance,heknows i do not have insurance why did he do that,,i flagged that comment,,it came at about the end of thedeal when he wanted to wrap up things,he basicly said go seee mckay then come back hre,,se what they say- like i can afford that,,he doesnt want me there,,thats why,, HE didnt do that befor hussien doctor, now he thinks im more trouble??? i cnat go back there,, im so embarressed -
omg it was somethng i felt by him distancing himself and what to do about anything at all waass liike differnet and no support,,he threw me under the bus so to speak -he was vauge and im really sad now- hers how i just woke up alittle bit ago=
its in the middle of the nite. i could not sleep again,i awoke to bad thought of MORTON,(i went there today)- in my dream they are all laughing at me and sayingthings like school children would tease a kid,,weird, then Dr KUSI patronized me and tht was it,,it musta really upset me cuz i woke up with a damn tear and had to spring outta bed on soe RA'd out feet,,these past 2 days have had me emotionally wrecked and im still under the spell of the morton burn as i swear to GOD that DR kusi blew me off today, or aleast he didnt seem to be his supportive self,he didnt agree with theneurotin side effects i have EVERY side effect including the constpation -facial edima,-i learned that means swelling- the doctors all say its the prednisone-i say "i disagree" because i have been on a much higher doese and never have i been this big,, it all started around the neurotin 2 weeks into it- HEY it helped alot at first,,i was sold on it completly- i was OK by talking it,,BUT things grew worst and i missed a dose and felt better after missing that does swelling went down too- so i KNIOW then neurtion is not doing me any good, i was falling down, confussed , seeing things outta my prorifial vision and skin-delicacy is worst then ever,,, flush- face and "temple and top of my headache" consistanly, VISION POOR as hell too, god the list goes on
COSTOCONGITUS started to worrie me tho,it wont go away,

march 1st and sent me to morton (saw JUJU) no help, but bloodtests were done ad i NEVER heard a THING about them,,tho we sure n hell had to pay out the ass for them,,-

Next i schedule an appt w/only dr Kusi- went -no dr KUSI saw the "islamic" doctor-hussien? or whaTever , -he blew me away - SUPER patronizing & said he cannot help me,,im in need of a rheumotoigist and DUH!? LIKE WEONT already know that - we were so disapointed and left with a bad feeling ~
It set off a chain of events that just sent me into a complete meltdown -it was the end of outr line and now thats gone, ruiened by patronizing doctors who dont know anything else but DIABETIC and depression patients- - god if you arent in the "mold" they dont wanna mess w/ you ---i dont think dr kusi wants to see me there like he did before,,i think that DR. huussen ruiend it for me-he put something in my chart/ folder b/c DR . Kusi left for long time and looked over my chart-he seemed patronizing when he came back- he seeemed diffferent - i cant pin it- i didnt think then at the time - i was very cooperative and OK to talk and had all my dates with me, ,,i think it in retrospect,,looking back,i see that when he left ,,then came back -
POST from middle of then nite=
dr kusi acted weird to me today, and thats why i cant sleep and WHY im here right now 2.20 am-typing away ,,as myheart pounds right outta my chest from fear of not knowing what or where im gonna go from here,,but im not with a good feeling on this,,Gulp!.

all i can say is i wish i could spend my days sleeping,it isnt much of a life but its the only way i can get away from allllll of his S-H-I-T! aka PAIN /im so effing tiered of all this, if i cry kelly gets upset/ if i try to just sit here..i feel miserible-i am just crying on the inside-,, i hate my RA HATE IT--- ITS so so unfair,i hurt real bad this morning and i could not get up.BUT I HAVE TO, i cant let this shit beat me,,i got up and im pretending all is fine (i do that alot) but my soul hurts ,,,along with my bones, im so depressed, nothng is working for me, i hate my life now,, i used to be so happy,,im not any longer/im just in serious pain,,and it drives me crazyinsane to tears

before AND.......................................................................

after with no treatment and falling thru the cracks of the system.....
red sploches all over me and swelling like crazy
~ that doc (islamic-he was middle easteen scary) HE said the face swelling is from prednisone,, prednisone! WRONG DUDE!! ur NO effing doctor-wtf? its the NEROTIN,and im quitting it on my own ,,,because they wont listen ,,i decresseed by one dose (300 mg,),(( down to six hundred miligrams aday now )))

------------------------------------------
ALOT has happened nd i dont feel like typing about it, i feel depresssed to the core,,i have costocongitis SO BAD that over 15 minuets off the heating pad from my chest allows the pain back it feels like a gunshot to my heat and i feel the EXIT wound - meaNING it is painful thru the entire heart area - like a gunshot to the heart,is the BEST WAY to describe it. im not real pleased with MORTON clinic like i was before,
kelly and i went out to keep my appt with doctor KUSI- he was not there,,i was afraid not to not see a dr. b/c of the heart- chest -pain- thing again,, this doctor that i saw was insulting aS he said hes only a family doctor and he cannot do any thing but say i need help and a rheumatoligist and to help with depression - DUH thats SO 5 years ago DUDE! i have a issue with my NEUROTIN i need to tell you about these side effect,, he dosent hear a word - instead he talks about my prestriction as a whole,,i followed and then says i filled my klonipin 2 X illigally at reasors,, he had a printout,,i wa s like wha??? first of all we dont fill klonipin at reasors,,so u r mistaken - he wrote a script for prednisone saying thats all,and left,
he thought we were drug seekers,-all they have doone is taken AWAY not given,,, hello,,if we were drug seeking why would we come back, OH im such a druggy, im on neurotin, and pred and cymbalta and lamisil (for my thumb ) and the klonipin and darvon are the only thi8ng i really have to say are something to keeep an eye on ........
i was so upset and it spun my lil crazystaw brain right into a fizzy and into days of confusion an
horror,,i have felt shitty aND still do -my heart i s heavy -sad- i never want to back out there again- EVER!
about neurotin,, info on bottom page shows all the side efeect and i have had them all
http://www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic/gabapent_ad.htm

shows this:
Body As A Whole: Frequent: asthenia, malaise, face edema; Infrequent: allergy, generalized edema, weight decrease, chill; Rare: strange feelings, lassitude, alcohol intolerance, hangover effect.
shows this in the side effects for RARE =
Rare: costochondritis, osteoporosis, bursitis, contracture. they would NOT liastwen to me at all,,they would not treat me nor did they document that i have costo in the worst kind of way- nothing we paid for absolutly nothing andf we were very upset, dont knw what im gnna do now,,other then pray,,just pray,,i need a fucking rheumatolistist,,these doctors cant help me at all - nor do they want to,, im about to cry right now,,i dont know if im going tocontinue this blog,i feel more and more depressed im so screwed i wantot just WORK and BE NORMAL goddamnit!

3 days wuith the heat-pad on my chest
kelly and i saw the pain go internally from my lower organs up with swelling to my upper area- it just spread from lower to upper attacking hte shit outta me internally
i told kelly i have had RA in the spine andi have not complained about that for some time now,,and it now is up front - see it travellels sooo now its in my chest bones in one area over my heart - i could barely breath for 2 whole days
today i see dr Kusi at 10.00am
its 5.45 am i awoke at 5.20 and THOUGHT it said 6.20....so i got up,,and out of it,,,walked out to the kitchen and started the coffee,,,,,i SAW THE FRONT DOOR HANGING WIDE OPEN,,
i was like,,wha?
then it registered,,OMG! the DOOR OPEN! we could have had anyone just walk on i and us
and i also worrie about the cost ,,all that heat going out the FRONT DOOR! we cant afford that-
effing BOOBOO did it -im sure! -he has learned how to open the door on his own-
im so not happy about that,,so the front door was NOT locked before bedtime last nite,,
*major fuckup-must be more diligent-omg. gulp no tellin how LONG that door was open-shit!

so its TOO early for me to be up- i should have gone back to lay down,, i cant believe my eyes saw the clock all of the clocks at 6.30 am instead of 5.3.0 im really loosing my vision now- **can barely see to paint my flowers at all ****