its a sunny but chilly (WEIRD WEATHER) this Saturday at noon,,Kelly's napping now- and thats great!shes really tired after 50 hour work week and school on top of that-economics class week 4..almost done!
i got up at 6 to take prednisone (20mg as normal in AM now)
then messed around for a while,,then i got so sleepy and went back to bed until 8.30 am,, i again came back here to mess around on the computer for awhile then my elbows started to bother me..they always hurt,,,but sometimes it gets to be too much- ~so i took a darvon and passed right on out again,,now im up and feel OK AND ITS ALMOST 1.00 PM,,WE HAVE SUN,,,BUT ITS CHILLY OUT AND i dont wanna wake kelly up or have her do anything-until she has rested her-self enuff.

i feel mucho-better today coming off the Neurotiin and its about done with, i have not had a "N-Pill" for sometime (days and days seems like) and i feel like the sleepiness and other side effects have left as well,,like my swelling in the face,,is decreasing among other things,, my abdomen is not as tight and swollen either! waking up seems easier and everyday gets a touch better ,,and i last alittle longer thru the day,hhhuuummm,lets hope this continues...pray2godinthenameofJesus!

Afool4life







`friday started off wrong`
got a letter from state about foodstamps,,saying they will cut me off - due to improper filling out of the returned form
dropped kelly off then went down to talk to them- again they were very nice and informed me ,,that they just need kelly to fill out her disclosur form and they will re-instate my foodstamps,,OMG we could not make it with out them.
god,,i keep wishing i could JUST GO BACK TO WORK -so i can get what i need.
after i got home from 444 south houston,,, i wanted to defrag for awhile and and zombie out until my nerves become stable.....
*note; looking less swollen now- but lookin alittle stressed ,,cuz i am -damnit

its 1.00 am in the morning,,i woke up ...a storm is moving thru and the thunder is intense - i should probably turn off these computers,,but,,,,by that time the storm will be over, so im blogging instead - i went thru Yestersday feeling a little better then the day before,,im totaly off the NEUROTIN and feeel like its leaving my system day by day,,i feel more and more normal,(well-normal-thats a cycle on the washing maching) what mean is i have much more energy and not so whimpy or depressed and cold to the core,,
also,,i told kelly that im so embarressed aBOUT the way i look, its so,,so,,prednisoned - and ive really changed,,OH and Kelly pulled a GREY hair right outta my head yesterday ,,it was gray and i DO mean G-R-A=Y,,no passing off as a blonde hair ..omg so 1st i get RA then Early-menopause NOW im getting grayhair, this is not happening to me,,tell me NO-i cannot accept these things

~swollen hands~

just wondering WHY i was CURSED with this disease
IM just about sick to DEATH of waking up in pain goddamnit
my knees are now being atacked ..they were fine before,,for all this time,,NOW THEY hurt and i cant walk very well,
i do have a bunch of small bumps,(nodules) on my arms both sides around the elbows and along the boney part - just makes me sick ...sick sick
im havnig a real hard tme this am,,i started to think about dr Kusi agin and it made me cry, but i try to keep all that shit under control- very very bothersome to me tho ,,my soul is truely bothered by the INSENSITIVITY of MOST human beings - i get so afraid of whats gonna happen tomorrow-but screw tomarrow i just gotta make it thru today- my hands are so swollen and i cant type anymore now-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it is NOW 9.00AM, i feel mucho better now,BUT i have to take 2 darvon 2 cut the pain where one used to do it,,, each pill is 65 mg..so thats 130 mg of darvon to kill much/most of the pain *includig elbows feet/hands and now my knees too

my arm/skin is reaaal bad - this is after JUST SCRATCHING from an itch - NOW this is NOT a normal thing,,i just dont understand why this is getting so bad- here comes summer and im scared to show my face in public, i sure dont want to have my arms /skin showing like this,,, OMG!


its monday,,the weekend was slept away, i just did not want to do anything - i was so swollen and RA'd out - i did not spend any time here at the computer. (had sinus headache from hell) i am so damn tired all the time, and now my hands and knees are bothered by the RA - its been along time since i felt RA in my knees - its back again costo still there ..feet hurt and i have slight swelling in both hands and wrists.

its THURSDAY afternoon,rainy,64.degrees.
Ive been only now able to say "I'm actually feeling better" after such a LONG time.
but internally i still feel real swollen and tender.this swelling of my abdomen occures for about two hours after i wake up-then just kinda goes away -
i am starting a collection of photos to show the effects of 900 mg a day for over 2 months of NEUROTIN and how it effected my swelling in face and abdomen and my endurence was so down as well as my ability to just stay awake for more then an hour-
special note :TODAY i started with my OLD WAYS> i took all my pred in the morning and not split it like "Kusi advised",,, this way i may have more endurance and I WAS DOING BETTER that way,,so whatever works for now---
the past 3-4 days ive been so RA'd - SO tired and unable to do anything much at all- kelly has bee real supportive and strong as i totally have been hurting and just having a hard time adjusting to this switch in medication,, prednisone is just so hard to mess with,, one difff
( splitting the dose KUSI said to take 10MG at AM and ! 10mg in PM instead of my usual 20 mg every morning, ,, NOW im outta energy,will post later....

had bad thoughts/dreamslast nite untill about 1.00 am -2.00am,,kept thinkin bout the doctors who jhave just completly blown me off now,,WHY >? i do everything they tell me to do-i try to be a good patient and just go along (i try to be a sport about it all),,BUT its all fucked now-its really haunting me about MORTON & doctor Kusi who i only had good trust for,,but now,,i dont fit his mold so to speak,,in other words,, the Neurotin is not agreeing with me at ALL,,,and he was pissed off or bothered,, that i want to discontinue NUROTIN MEDICINE used to treat = Neuropathic Pain.
------and what causes this ??? -------------
symptoms of neuropathic pain?
Neuropathic pain is a complex, chronic pain state that usually is accompanied by tissue injury. With neuropathic pain, the nerve fibers themselves may be damaged, dysfunctional or injured. These damaged nerve fibers send incorrect signals to other pain centers. The impact of nerve fiber injury includes a change in nerve function both at the site of injury and areas around the injury.
~side effects that I HAVE from NEUROTIN; Neuropathic Pain
Body as a Whole: Infrequent: chest pain, vision imapaired,
Respiratory System: Frequent:
dyspnea, which i had to look up= Dyspnea or dyspnoea (pronounced disp-nee-ah, IPA /dɪsp'niə/), shortness of breath or shortness of breath (SOB) is perceived to be difficulty of breathing or painful breathing. It is a common symptom of numerous medical disorders.
Dyspnea on exertion (DOE or exertional dyspnea) indicates dyspnea that occurs (or worsens) during physical activity.
OK NOW,this sounds aLOT like what IM calling"costo-congitus" real spelling is costochondritis, Rare: nasal obstruction,snoring,bronchospasm,hypoventilation,-kelly said i snore like shes NEVER heard
Special Senses:Infrequent: abnormal vision,ear pain, eye disorder taste perversion(wha?), deafness; Rare: eye pain,taste loss. Musculoskeletal: Infrequent: arthritis, arthralgia<-again had to look this UP=Arthralgia: Pain in the joints, OK great give the RA patient some medicine that will agatate my JOINTS~! god-i NEED a JOINT! after all this shit!
myalgia, arthrosis, leg cramps, myasthenia; Rare: shin bone pain, joint disorder, tendon disorder.
Nervous System: Frequent: confusion, depression; Infrequent: vertigo, nervousness, paresthesia, insomnia, neuropathy, libido decreased, anxiety, depersonalization, reflexes decreased, speech disorder, abnormal dreams, dysarthria, emotional lability, nystagmus, stupor, circumoral paresthesia, euphoria, hyperesthesia, hypokinesia, suicide attempt; Rare: agitation ...ohhh yea souhnds about like last week BEFORE i decreased the dose.
,,he claims all the facial swelling is PEDNISONE,,again WRONG DUDE this is NO effing prednisone and HOW EFFING LONG do i have to walk around holding my heart chest area for the pain of it all-????? WTF??/ this "costo" wont leave me at all,,i feel it get better, then sometimes its so bad i cant breaTH at all with OUT my Klonipin i dont know what id do - IT SCARES ME- KELLY'S ADVISE 4 today WHEN I DROVE HER TO WORK THIS am,,, (good advise fer sure):THINK POSITIVE AND PRAY FOR THE LORD TO LEAD ME 2 HELP- OR THE HELP TO FIND ME- EITHER WAY,,I FOUND A NODULE AND I HAVE TO LOOK IT UP NOW on the internet-,,(ON MY ELBOW RIGHT-SIDE)

BACK from looking UP NODULES OMG!!!!! look at this,,its all comming together NOW;
What are rheumatoid nodules?

As part of the rheumatoid process, firm, non-tender, subcutaneous nodules develop in about 25 percent of rheumatoid arthritis patients. These are commonly found at pressure points like the elbow,(HELLO!!!!!) back of the forearm, and metacarpophalangeal joint. Nodules usually occur in chronic active cases of rheumatoid arthritis, and are commonly associated with more joint deformity and serious extra-articular manifestations including lungs, eyes, and blood vessels. Nodules may vary in size during the course of the disease process, according to Raymond Federman, M.D.


Complications of rheumatoid nodules
Johns Hopkins claims complications of rheumatoid nodules include:
pain
limited joint mobility <-shit no good-
neuropathy <---THAT WORD AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!
ulceration <---wha?
fistula formation <----wha?
infection <----whatever!