~swollen hands~

just wondering WHY i was CURSED with this disease
IM just about sick to DEATH of waking up in pain goddamnit
my knees are now being atacked ..they were fine before,,for all this time,,NOW THEY hurt and i cant walk very well,
i do have a bunch of small bumps,(nodules) on my arms both sides around the elbows and along the boney part - just makes me sick ...sick sick
im havnig a real hard tme this am,,i started to think about dr Kusi agin and it made me cry, but i try to keep all that shit under control- very very bothersome to me tho ,,my soul is truely bothered by the INSENSITIVITY of MOST human beings - i get so afraid of whats gonna happen tomorrow-but screw tomarrow i just gotta make it thru today- my hands are so swollen and i cant type anymore now-
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
it is NOW 9.00AM, i feel mucho better now,BUT i have to take 2 darvon 2 cut the pain where one used to do it,,, each pill is 65 mg..so thats 130 mg of darvon to kill much/most of the pain *includig elbows feet/hands and now my knees too