i just realized i dont have any dreams,,this came about because a commercial said" hold on tight to your dreams" and i thiought i have no dreams,GOD THATS AWFULL and no wonder im depressed,,i could just ball right now - and i am.
did u know that the inside of my hands hurt when ANYTHING touches the bones? what does that mean? that my bones are mushey? thats NOT cool and my teeth are are...falling out.i need help- but no where can i find it,,there are no programs and help for ppl like me WHO USED TO WRK HER FUCKING ASS OFF FOR 'THE MAN'" THE SYSTEM" OH I SEE ---BUT NOW THAT I CAN NO LONGER HOLD anything---- im no good ---so i get nothing,,why dont they just kill me and get this shit over with INSTEAD of this slow agonizing suffering that i go thru -AND TRY TO KEEEP MY SHIT TOGETHER BUT I DONT NO HOW MUCH LONGER IO CAN GO ON LIKE THIS..IM ok now =i went in to get a hug from kelly and i saw my lil' cats ,,and i remembered why i live today! look around and be thankfull,,I AM so greatful for all my blessings / i do not mean to grip or complain,,i have no right to complain,,kelly loves me and shes not gonna leave me or run away ...she is the strongest most UN-selfish person i ever met,,, GOD placed her and i together so we can win this battlle called life,, together with a christian attitude "we can WIN" " GOOD always wins over EVIL "right? YES! IT DOES!!!!!!! can i paste movies into here? why ,,,now that i thinkof it,,and think of my photobucket acct,,why not,,im going to add a sunday morning typical morning movie here:

euuuuu- im SOo cold and T-T-T-ired 2.day..look=

proof to my claim

this is weather for US in

our next week,,looks chilly but nice and i love rain -so let it pour..its nature's way of cleaning up outside...............

October again,my fav month and its been such perfect weather i hate to take my naps in day -to miss on such beauty hard to do-but my naps in the daytime r sooo nessessary, i have discovered hat i really need them - i can get away w/o a nap for a day or two, but then i get moody and cry- alot if i dont- sooo the POINT=Kelly says take your nap today,so tonite will be OK. (get.it)

ive been real depressed and unable to write,,terrible dreams of abandonment and loosing things includes my teeth,,,ick! im real scared (i got rejected again from SSDI -tear ) i always feel like someone punched me inthe gut

im scared tomorrow is monday oct 15 th =i have 2 c a doctor

ive been ra'd out bad

Sunday AM and actually second look its NOON! OMG!!! i feel like i just woke up even tho we've been awake and up from 10:00(thats hardcore-sleepin'in) i had to because i awoke in the middle of the night and could NOT go bakc to sleep, i had something bothering me,and my heart was beating and i felt scared for some reason -it kept me up for awhile , i went out font and at awhile ( i also have a weird feeling about the new neighbors,,for some reason i'm a little Leary of them,,they seem to be hiding something i just have a gut feeling we shall ///see we shall see down the road -one thing tho:is i could swear the lil ol lady is watching us thru her slit-mini blinds- in her Bedroom. but the slit went away when the daughter was home and watching he,, i wonder if the lil ol lady told her daughter who is saposed to be taking care of her....if she came over here walked in to the living room and i came out from thew back to see her just standing there in her freakin hospital gown type thing ,,,i said " can i help u?" (i was kinda irritated really) ohmygod- she goes,,"what time do da trash come"?? i was like ahhhhhh lemme think,,ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ok it comes on wed and saturdays OK>>>//?? im trying to getheroutta herre,,shethen goes "OK den.....what time do da mail run?" i was like ,,,ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i reeeeeeaaaaaaallllly dunno OK= its always a diferent time on each dayOK? she looked at me like i was lying,,,,...i had to say OK well........
i gotta take a nap now so bye,,,whilst gettin her to TURN TOWARDS THE DOOR- whew,,what a TRIP! oh i really am having alot of anxiety about the neighbors i have a feeling about them,, i cannot explinm,,,we shall see down the road what happens- hope its all in my head

thru eve= kell has to go to school, she has given me a great Birthday-her and her momma decided to give me a sewing machine, Ive ALWAYS wanted one and they-angela and joy- brought it over last night, while shawny was here studying.
I was happy/numb/tired/sore elbows...today and I wanted to stay up ALLDAY and get things done- and check out the sewing machine,,but i lay down at 11.30-12.00p and i was out in NO TIME AT ALL, because i didnt nap yesterday - i just did not have time for it.

today i have cramps from head to toe-you know-and it just wipes me out
*tonite im just gonna do a few small things like photograph LOTS4SALE thru my yahoo groups here in tulsa-which has really allowed me to socialize and meet new and exciting ppl. look =like miss Elie who's son does photography for the Arkansas MAYOR Huckebee who is now running for president. i will VOTE RONPAUL tho..hes my hero! hes the constitution guy,,luvIt! Dr RON PAUL,,a name to remember.....

*B-day cards from politicians= ha!!!! how appropriate / and kelly never knew i took this pic.


its my b-day,.now ive always said i dont do birthdays,,cuz im scared to get old ---i wanna hide from aging,, but its impossible /// i just have to ride this ride,,i'm almost fifty yrs.old HEY-thats half of 100 OMG /// i am NOT that old,,_sometimes i feel that old tho thanks alot to R.A._ ok heres the deal- kelly said happy birthday the FIRST THING lil' sleepyhead did,,thats soooo sweet! i love that-shes just awesome that kelly -...SOOOOOOOO ->i DO LIKE MY birthday why dont i just admit i love having my b day instead of denial ..i should embrace,,im ok with that for now,,but the minuet i see a grey hair i'm gonna freak out
heres US at 6. 30 am Oct. third -my favorite day of the year, in my favorite month of the year too! bonus!