im depressed - ina badway,,need to get a grip but i cannot , i hate this fuckin disease and what its doing to me,,i ..nevermind whats the use,bye

im still here,,just have not felt like writting because ive been attacked again by the RA shit,,i thought i hadit under control,,BUT nope,,ive been sleeping and crying and sleeping and crying,,poorkelly-whew imalot to handel.

i feel much better today,,why? no idea,,i slept awful and woke up at 3.00 took 2 darvon for the pain- went out front to sit on the porch with boo and E - we sat there for a while then i thought id fall aslep out there in the chair.....so back to bed and when 7.00 am came I DID NOT WANNA GETUP, Ive been groggy and heavy feeling alllll day, (tt phill about honda, imadea deal for tomorrow-and i have alot to post on my selling site but no energy to deal that -or anything right now - i have to force myself to go to phamacy (hate to drive) i have to go drop off a script and its very important,,but i keep pushing it back and procrastinating,,because im sooo tired ad dread the thought of dealing w ppl. guess i feel secluded today sealed off from everything,,,,or distant,,or not grounded,,whatever,,its a weird day -but i am not to badly in pain as the flare seems to be fading for now

ive been very painfully RA'd lately

heres a peek,,,

every joint hurts

its 8.00 am ona Tuesday morn,,its dark outside becuse of cloudy rainy weather again,,im really getting used to this andNOW i want to MOVE TO WASHINGTON STATE.. yea riiightlike id ever leave this house,,im "karen black" and im staring in a movie called "BURNT OFFERINGS" look it up to see what i mean,,

im still alive-just either busy OR sleeping to get better so that i can stay busy when up and around --got alot going on around here,with all this rain its flooded the basement again - *also its got the ground so soft --- i took advantage and fixed a few plants deep planted and moved them- transplanted some hostas-worked on my brick walkway that im starting as a project now---- then, I've not really felt very strong or with much energy,, it takes allot for me to get it on! but when that prednisone kicks in and the pain killer,,im good 4 like 2-3 hours of some serious somptin,,so i have to always choose "what its gonna be?",,how do i spend my time wisely?,,usually whatever involves generating mola! because im broke and getting broker, wow,how'd that happen? shit-thnking about the days when money was no object,god, i blew thruu 35 grand a year quickly and had quite a lump saved,,but it all went to the medical scam and what a waste cuz im no better then when i started all this ra shit,,,in fact IM WORSE then i was in the beginning //// OK,OK,positive thoughts now--- thank the LORD for kelly's understanding angel soul..god bless us ,,please! quickly with a large lump sum of mola! thank u jesus - thank u baby jesus-amen.

middle of the nite july 4th -i think -,,ive had a good weekend last,- but have been paying the privce for it (we hung w/ mary and tony on sunday, tony fixed a ball joint in our driveway because-her car broke down in our driveway last nite in middle of nite) ive slept and slept and thats about it for now bye