RA n my hand knuckels,,they hurt badly toady!(neck hurts too)


feet and hips are bad..................................................

its sunday morning, im up early cuz a little kitty was attacking my hand in bed while i slept,,
i think she thought my hand was a monster that she HAD to get,attack,then KILL!
look at her --yawning..awwwww

-so i woke up at 7.00ish,,and took my prednisone and one lexapro instead of two---lemme say why:
im getting off of these things,,because they have NOT done a damn thing for me,,i know
because im still reaaaaaal depressed even tho i have increased dose from 10 to twenty,,as per the shrink,,and i feel just as sad hopeless and afraid and disapointed all the same-
my thoughts are still the same and i still cry just about every day or other day over soemthing that is soooo sad . YES I AM SERIOUSLY DEPRESSED but lexapro is NOT helping at all. i still have that paranoia? however ya spell it! ((((A CAR IN FRONT OF ME IN TRAffic HAD A BIG "SUICIDE" STICKER ON IT - I THOUGHT HOW IRONIC. ))))
Paranoia: Know the Signs
#1 Isolation- people who are paranoid often times do not want to be around other people. It could be they fear someone is out to get them. yep.

#2 Suspicion- they believe people are talking about them or plotting against them. Perhaps even trying to kill them. Even a kind act is considered to have a hidden motive. yep.

#3 Inability to relax- this can cause aggressive behavior because they don’t trust others easily. They might think bad things will always happen to them and they may have a poor self-image. yep..hating myself,,because i cant do anything anymore (((thank you very much rheumatoid)).

#4 Delusional- a person with paranoia may have feelings of grandeur and believe they have great worth and knowledge. Also, they may believe to be associated with a higher power. NOPE NOT ME.
also erratic thoughts and behaviors but i really DONT see me as having erratic thoughts or behaivors BUT i am obsessive and compulsive on things. I have no memory at all- as i try to recal things i cant remeber when where or why- very very strange.
i would not even know i have no memory if it were not for K pointing out everytime im wrong. its pretty bad. i KNOW the lexapro is not doing anything,its all still the same and nothing has improved,,so why take something i think is gonna get me hooked on it,,and or just
BAD MEDICINE!look:

this is what im afraid of,,and this is why i say im paranoid as well-because i DO NOT TRUST the DOCTORS AND /OR OUR MEDICINE THEY GIVE TO US,,,,i call it lazy,,lazy dr.'s and lazy medicine/in and out service (like mcdonalds) ..they (doctors) have lost their tolerance of patience(people) and wont take the time to say "hey, i think u may have this,lets test,,OR ,what i think (as a patient),,its ALL ABOUT THEM getting in and out and leaving me with a prescription for something i DONT TRUST! parinoid or not! i dont trust them,,afater all ive been thruu andasmany doctors as i haveseen i thinki speak the truth,m,and u can lable me as paronoid,,i do not care -- i just dont want to be a freak,,or out of controll (dancing in the streets crazy,,or think im receiving messages from God,,hehe,,now,,thats all off the deep end.
------------
I just LOOKED UP OCD..it has description that is SO ME!

***Intrusive thoughts and fears
Intrusive thoughts are unwelcome, involuntary thoughts, images or unpleasant ideas that may become obsessions, are upsetting or distressing, and can be difficult to be free of and manage.[8] Intrusive thoughts, urges, and images are of inappropriate things at inappropriate times, usually falling into three categories: inappropriate aggressive thoughts, inappropriate sexual thoughts, or blasphemous religious thoughts. Most people experience these thoughts; when they are associated with OCD or depression, they may become paralyzing, anxiety-provoking, and persistent. Many people experience the type of unpleasant or unwanted thoughts that people with more troubling intrusive thoughts have, but most people are able to dismiss these thoughts.When intrusive thoughts co-occur with OCD, patients are less able to ignore the unpleasant thoughts and may pay undue attention to them, causing the thoughts to become more frequent and distressing.
also:
OCD is different from behaviors such as gambling addiction and overeating. People with these disorders typically experience at least some pleasure from their activity; OCD sufferers do not actively want to perform their compulsive tasks, and experience no pleasure from doing so.-yep. OCD is placed in the anxiety class of mental illness, but like many chronic stress disorders it can lead to clinical depression over time. The constant stress of the condition can cause sufferers to develop a deadening of spirit, a numbing frustration, or sense of hopelessness. OCD's effects on day-to-day life — particularly its substantial consumption of time — can produce difficulties with work, finances and relationships. SO me!!!
There is no known cure for OCD as of yet, but there are a number of successful treatment options available.