surreal

its very very cold here and i hate it -
i have been feeling extremly surreal lately,,everything seems weird or unreal , my own face seems strange when i look in the mirror.
i dont know why or what to do about it other then just go with the flow.
im looking at EVERYTHING and its ALL so strange to me, i almost feel like im in a dream and need to wake up -been like this for days and days now and its very very strange.

Friday 12.25.09

Blizzard Warning Ends, Leaves NE Okla.
Blanketed ~Tulsa - The storm that prompted a
blizzard warning for all of green country has dissipated, leaving behind several inches of snow just in time for Christmas Day.
makes it hard to move when its this cold.i wear myself out trying to stay warm .
i cannot believe i once lived in minnesota & liked it.
now i freze out at anything below 60 degrees

boobooooooo,we jusLuvhim..hes so damn sweet about everything

WOW 2012 is in the headlines today(CNN) ive been sayin,

"kelly dont worrie about yer student loans,,its all gonna end at 2012 anyways" not that i wish that at all!!! its just,,,just,,i feel the Age of Aquarius is Upon Us. all the signals say....the Prophets have written,,so on and so fourth. ----

a late start this AM,, its cooooold and icy and THANKGOD we have power ,,, Kelly made it to work,i didnt drive...roads are really slick,and only a few pppl are at work today - K said she wanted to go soo..she made it no problem.
i added a video of what we saw while driving out west yesteday (driving out to drs. office)
ive never seen sooo many fools just flippin their cars over left and right. why dont ppl slow down? i just dont get it. ~Ohwell,,dont dwell~
2.00 pm: im up from my nap ,,i still dont feel so good b/c -i was so stressed and over did yesterday with all that activity driving on ice all the way to a doctor's and then to the pharmacy to wait to fill,,prednisone..and then careful to get home on ice.seeing all those accidents was a mental downer (i thank the lord for the protection and level head to be safe)

~ im going to check the outdoors now,,i hear it sleeting . then i think i need to lay back down damnit.

kelly gets outta work early today

just a earthbound misfit...i.

neck is really giving me a hard time
elbows extreeeeeemly painful
hurtz here so badly
look @these two

good moring all u RA ppl ---i never came back yesteday,

i HAD TO rest BUT i MESSED UP SO BAD_ i was so under the influence of RA yesterday,,i felt so creepy and ill that i slept aaaaaall day ,,Kelly tried to call over and over and over,i never even heard the phone,,,untill about 2.00pm,, i heard kelly on the answer machine..and i finaly woke up . i answered the phone,,and she reminded me that i have a appt with the foodstamp people downtown,,SHIT! i slept right thru it,,i could have hobbeled down there,,but i was soo extremly tried and under the RA spell,,i had NO IDEA,, i was in bad pain,,

-knuckels hurt so bad

-FEET bones -HAND bones -HIPS and -MY NECK

our weather is changing today its windy and damp out

we have a storm comming,and colder weather too..i hate the cold - it hurts me.

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politics are getting reeeeeaaaaly weird now, threats onObama's life via KKK,,i cant believe in 2008 we still have men in sheeets running around trying to start trouble..i say get a life!!!

i think sara P. is a negitive negitive person,,,and a shallow person ,,as many of the republiacans are,,i do recall TED HAGGART..and all the other repub's saying one thing and doing another,,

so hypocritical...discusting and sara is one of them,,i DONT TRUST HER AT ALL nor mcSAME either...hes ,,well,,how many times aday is he gonna say MY FRIENDS,,i hate that-

im gagging now!

its a friday morn,,its cold burrrr,,and i feel depressed,,i went to bed last nite with a heavy heart,,kelly told me about finding out some shit on her real father,(who is a total mess-up -ug) soo she felt a heavy haert all damnday about all that stuff / and i felt so sad,,and thought god,,why do our parents do what they do ? they are not there,and we need them,,we are on our own and always have been,,how effing depressing - sometimes we say we are gonna,,nevermind,,,forget it..later,,i feel heavy and sad and hopeless,,as i sit here in the dark thinking of all the things i should have done differently in my life.
RA report,,woke up very sore and feet hur to walk on them ,,my sore spine is doing it again,,swelling up and painful. theres a hump there where its tender and sore and hurts to turn myhead,,i will get overit with darvon tho,,soi can start to wointerize this old house - with whatever i can think of,,we cannot afford to heat this house so we block half of it off so we onlypay for the back side of the house -where we hang out,,

oh its thursday and im sick,,i have a bug ,,cough -- cough -- cough --cough-gag...

..man im watching CNN (( just let it stay on the channel all day -thats typical TV for me all day))

i go straight to NPR when in the car,,,POINT IS Kelly just called to say the

diane rhime show says all our pharmacuticals come from CHINA - medicine from china?
scary scary i have no trust,,,whatsgoing on here folks,,

maybe im just,,,yea,,im i,,i m just being parinoid agian.....diagnosed :borderline personality- OMG i never knew,.,OMG i am so worried that i my have hurt someones fee;llngs along my lifes way then,, or screwed up somene opr something--im sooooo sorry jesus forgive me of my sins i pray ..........and let me know where i need to go and make things right ..thank u lord,,amen.

in da name of da fadder da son and da holyghost!

i have gorephobia .... i am struggling today with the fact i must go and get my medicine from morton-god they scare me out there,,,,and then go get more seriquil too,from another place,,medical arts building on harvard=OK nothing too bad,,((which will take all day-and im so sick and coughing like crazy) its 11.33 am and i wanna just lay down --its so pretty outside,,i MUST be crazy for not finding something to do outside,,omg its beautiful out -

my neck still hurting bad

too

<-pic from tulsa freezing icestorm dec.2007

its thrusday- its cold as @*!# and it affects me in all ways (most uncomfortable would be frozen numb feet) i havent been taking pics lately due to the cold air..it really slows me down to a snails pace and i think i get so tired because im bundeled up all day moving around,,,it weighs alot,,these warm clothes takes all my energy....it wears me out to walk around with all these clothes and a coat on. i will be so glad when spring gets here.....burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


temp is 28degrees and feels like 16 due to the moist air.....


god i hate winter with RA...they dont go together.


no wonder they all move to the southwest.....
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wrote that this morning,.,im up from my nap,,im moving alittle bit better,,,more sleep always does me good- only way to get RA undercontrol, but OMG the guilt of being able to sleep during wrking hours is so weird,an & unproductive./.its still freezing out,,,/ i have to wear gloves to type and walk around with a blankie wraped,,thermostate reads 70-73- and its still cold in here.

pics of our back yard

been awhile.. we lost POWER and heat and all from this ICE STORM ,,,including my harddrive lost it all
i reforamatted and installed all programs and stuff-,,and now here i am,,Back to cry and bitch
cuz im on my way to the welfare clinic now= scary -----and ill write when i come home

more pics of ice icebaby

i just love our cats they are so perfect/ kellys really sick and caught it from work,,now we are trying to keep me from getting it,,its pretty bad shes bedbound and deep lung coughs and hurts to talk or breath /OWCHIE / we hope to not spread it.

as for my RA i had to place heating pad on my friggen elbows in order to relax and sleep ,,they have really been the worst lately always sore and red and hot -
i said along time ago as for treatment and me? heres how it plays out=
we go in a punch it (with some kind of treament),right?
it comes back and punches me harder,,so in other words what ebver i do to controll it,,only last for a small time the ra just grows into a bigger stronger monster then the treatment,,so i say back OFF and hang low and just dont bother the RA,,K? kewl.
i also want to mentiopn here that i figured out that my VISION is so poor that i just cannot see w/o those glasses that kelly found -i wear them to see and they only magnify everything..i got so mad about my vision and not being able to see that i statred to cry this AM..i just got all worked up and said to kelly then "reason i cant see is because the vessels im my eyes are inflAMMMED WITH RA im sure" -because sometimes i see almost fine -- and guess what i thinnk i cant swallow because of RA too,,its in my throught,,,however ya spell that word.. its been thru my whole gum area and jaw ,,why not my throught and eyes ,,its non stopable

euuuuu- im SOo cold and T-T-T-ired 2.day..look=

proof to my claim