Oil Disaster Will Be End of Life As We Know It the news is devistating. the shit has hit the fan -as they say when the SHTF,well,its starting
its staggering and im in shock. i cannot believe i am seeing what i am seeing.hearing what i have been hearing. it gets scrier by the day. im on so much VISTAREAL i can hardly feel it. its just so intense.
our basement is flooding due to the rain that wont let up. again, it doesnt matter with the end of he world right in front of us.
the most shocking artical so far...
and read the comments,they r as compelling as the artical. im saving all this to harddrive. like i really need to save anything anymore, ohMyGOD,imscared.
i filled jugs and jugs of water. im storeing them in the hallway downstairs basement area. hey r all fresh water in clean containers wiht appreat amount of bleach dropped in to preserve up to 6 -8 months.
going tomorrow to stock up on canned goods and collars and leashes for the cats. need o get lots of botteled water. need a weapon, need protection . ok,,my heart is ppounding. im in a rushrush....and again,imscared.
please read as ap,,all of it.and think of what you will do. im worried about my loves,my elvis,my star,mybooboo. god i love those kats.

ive really been suisidal lately-cant even spell the word suicidal there,, and im easily panicked - im driving my own self insane again-with bad thoughts of how i deserve NOTHING and NOTHING is what im destined for,empty and dark and alone and old and ugly
-im thinkin bout myself-
every thought i have is gloomy and dark and heavy ...i cry at the slightest/ i KNOW i said i was thru witht this blog,but i just have to write,,i cant write in a book or journal cuz i cant see to write,,i use this computer because the background is light and i can at least see alittle bit,,if i wear the glasses kelly found downtown- then im cross eyed and have a headache for the rest of the day-resst is the only cure BUT i have no more time for sleep, or rest
TIME is of the essence here
i cant waste any time,i have kellys pants to sew,i have to price stuff for garage sale_sure cant selll anything online,no-ones BUYING anything except cell phones and anything else NEW and expensive,(fresh outta that kinda stuff)
we got to guarenty abstract at 7.30 AM this moring,
in pain and about to cry from all the stress of it- we both saw how hard it was for me to just brush my teeth and hair to go to my doctors appt this morning,(kelly was on a razors edge-just fighting the urge to blow up)
IM SOOOOOOOOOO scared and nervous and i have bad hives again -all over my face.
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its a new day and it sux,i gotta be positive tho= im pretty disapointed in things
and a person can only be so positive when bad stuff keeps happening.
first of all,,,TUESDAY 7.3o to meet kelly the POE/ this is the morning i was gonna
go w/kelly(not my kelly,shawny's kelly) out to ACT...NO SHOW,she went w/o me....
- this will have been my sixth attempt to get out there,its a FAR-travel and our car will not make it- and its TOO hot in the afternoon, we r back in the heaT warning zone again,,our weather has been really HOT and HUMID,,im reaaaaallly thinkin new mexico for a new life and weather that we can tolerate...
we, me and kell,,r realllly scared now,,SSDI denied my claim, chris hunt atty at law wants me to re=apply OhMYGOD! and then hes gonna appeal my case before judge Lantze. or what ever his name is.
I feel like crap.im really very depressed-i have been fighting back tears for over a week now-
and i gotta ask my dad for money again,we need that car fixed so we are not trapped here.
im reaaaallly scared and i feel alone and un certian,
I pray to God for my peace and security-Lord please Bless me, Amen.
James was hurtBADLY at his military training place= georgia - he has No memory of us and why he's in the military and all that. sh*t , he even forgot about leslie-and breaking up with her --its very strange, hes got a concussion and his car is totalled ,they cut the top off his new mustang to save him.
we r trapped and with out alot of stuff,and i feel the pressure as always,,i feel responsible for the effing mess we r in now-hard times are getting worse -we can hardly afford to live now
its just so scary. andkelly says there R NO JOBS to look for,its a dead end everywhere-

RA is attacking my -sholders - elbows - neck -its unrelenting pain that will not go away even under two darvons, ansd half of a lortab all at the same time
-i know people who have insurance would NEVER be alllowed to live this way (with pain that drives you to your knees)
BUT because i do not have insurance,,i have no help, but, even if i had insurance, i would not be able to afford any type of treatment unless it was covered 100 percent,,doubt any insurance would be that good.

it late aftenoon its cold and rainy and snow may fall tonite,on our tulips!
this weather is crazy,we just got back from my "shrink" appt. she(dr grayson)knows leah hunt -my other MSW.small world.
~the car was in the shop,the water pump blew and its almost time for rent,we had no extra money and we were really stresing but my dad saved us .i love my dad.
this visit was set up by my atty, who needs this evaluation for court, i dont mind, i just tell it like it is,,the doctors all say im bi-polar and they recommend special medicine, im depressed i just want to feel better, ever scince i stopped working- i have felt awful about my self,,oh god i cant type anymore,,im super tired - wish that i had a keyboard that lets me speak the words while it types for me,,
BTW,alot of UFOs are being reported and guess what else??? IM Worried about the NEWS this morning, it looks like the government knows something we dont ...and they are getting ready for something BIG BIG BIG mark my words ppl!..according to reports from watchful people all over the usa we have over 100,thousdand coffins (plastic) and concentrationcamps set up all thru USA,you guys,,somethings going on and im alittle concerned,,if u dontknow about this ..im sorry,,but its scaRY TRUE.
IM not even gonna mention it again in writting,,,camps and coffins all thru america -
im not going to ever ever write about it going forward,,,im only going to read read read and watch watch watch - pay attn,get off my all meds and any type of depenancy on ANYTHING and get ready to RUN! very scary stuff..gulp.

boobooooooo,we jusLuvhim..hes so damn sweet about everything

WOW 2012 is in the headlines today(CNN) ive been sayin,

"kelly dont worrie about yer student loans,,its all gonna end at 2012 anyways" not that i wish that at all!!! its just,,,just,,i feel the Age of Aquarius is Upon Us. all the signals say....the Prophets have written,,so on and so fourth. ----

a late start this AM,, its cooooold and icy and THANKGOD we have power ,,, Kelly made it to work,i didnt drive...roads are really slick,and only a few pppl are at work today - K said she wanted to go soo..she made it no problem.
i added a video of what we saw while driving out west yesteday (driving out to drs. office)
ive never seen sooo many fools just flippin their cars over left and right. why dont ppl slow down? i just dont get it. ~Ohwell,,dont dwell~
2.00 pm: im up from my nap ,,i still dont feel so good b/c -i was so stressed and over did yesterday with all that activity driving on ice all the way to a doctor's and then to the pharmacy to wait to fill,,prednisone..and then careful to get home on ice.seeing all those accidents was a mental downer (i thank the lord for the protection and level head to be safe)

~ im going to check the outdoors now,,i hear it sleeting . then i think i need to lay back down damnit.

kelly gets outta work early today

just a earthbound misfit...i.

im trippin, i mean im all over the place with anxiety.....TOMORROW is the day-gulp-of a hearing in regards to my health and welfare- so,,,,im totally leaning on God here,and know that i have talked to shrinks -i have taken all my medicine -i have tried to work in a consistent manner-
but its all effected by my rheumatoid arthritis ---it is truly woven into the fabric of my life,,my shrink says i cannot accept it-that i have RA and its been years now-how long shall i play this game ,,and i need-i-MUST learn 2 accept it-
i am really really focused,,in fact could not blog yesterday because of forms i had to fill out all day long -and atty's to talk to - sooo we r at the moment of truth for me,,its the help i pray for and i so "need", i know my fate is in the lords hands but im doing everything here on earth to help out the lord as much as possible-
i am OK and feel like its all gonna be OK, and i have RA poppin' up -i feeel strressed and its making my elbows and hands and knees and hips and feet hurt(ra style) my hands are inflamed ,,,im taking some pics OK= lets review:
my hands this am (hurtin)
have a nodule on first knuckle
1st knuckle on R- hand-always the one to hurt badly.its tender

me right now,,and im freeeeeezing,i gotta go lay down now,
yep i'm frozen solid -believe me i even have thermals on too.
my damn neck always hurts so badly,its enuff to drive ya insane.

ShamWOW...its Monday and time flies
me and mary wanted to hookup this weekend but couldnt -we talked about seeing our mom,,'
(for me it would be like ten years since Ive seen her,,scary)
gulp,,,change subject....
im using Firefox browser now because IE is jacked,,i dunno whats the issue,,i KNOW i have a virus deep in the boot sector of my other harddrive, no OS installed,just a 200 GIG hard drive full of all of my years of pictures and AVIS and other OLD stuff from years ago,,plus 200 gig allows me to shop for AVIS (torrents) and then burn and wipe it clean,,then find something else- i have so many movies i have not seen yet,,,,like Elizabeth the golden age,
(1 ofmyFAVORITE STYLE /era EVER!)
oh i was starting to watch the skeleton key,,i had to stop and wait for a better time,,but i knew it looked WAY GOOD (New Orleans style)
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things around here have calmed down now-and we feel OK ,but nervous about the future,in fact i am having BAD anxiety attacks right outta nowhere/I will burst out internally with a heat like feeling that sweeps thru my body and makes me sweat and feel like im gonna faint or throw right up. or is that what menopause does>? i do not know ..its all crazy and im exhausted right now,,ive been straightening the basement-for distraction-and it wiped me out plus im nervous.
i had to go thru seperation issues when kelly went to the store by herself,,cuz i was just way to
"gorea- pohobia'd out " i could not bear the thought of seeing people,,i get like that..its a scary feeling,,me and kelly BOTH get like that,,but she braved it and i felt so weird when she left,i felt like i was out on a limb,,i had to take a klonipin,,and it didnt even work -- just burried my head and rested while she ws gone and i paid attention to my feelings and why was i feeling that way,,,so scared and creepy and anxious and wanting kelly to cone right back --sompthings wrong with me.gulp,,im scared ans nervous. i just know its about the "separation" and being alone... i see attend the court in determining my future in weather i commit suiside or not on January 9th at 2.00 hearing,,,,,,,ohDa stress of it all,

TODAY'S post is called " parinoid - or what? "


im shaking-im freaking OUT-im trying to get a grip-im SCARED!

i woke up and :
LONDON (CNNMoney.com) -- Stocks around the world plunged Friday, with Japan's benchmark Nikkei index suffering a nearly 10% drop, as fears of a deep global recession intensified.
OMG what is happening? im scared i MEAN SCARED,,is this the end like they predicted,,i thought we were sapossed to make it to 2012,,OMGOMGOMGOMGMG
IM so scared
they CUT kellys hours @ her JOB and i dont know if im getting foodstamps ,i have to go there TODAY and ask them,,, ive called and called but they are not calling me back, (gulp)
-----im paronoid (the doc said) ----take these pils 4 it,(seriquil)-------
*more about how scary things are right now,,
U guys need to Wake up & smell the taser..

#1 U.S. stocks added to a worldwide stock selloff today on fears of a global recession.
#2 This is why this is happening to America.
“And it shall be, if thou do at all forget the LORD thy God, and walk after other gods, and serve them, and worship them, I testify against you this day that ye shall surely perish.” (Deuteronomy 8:19).
#3 As our Federal Government gets further into debt they will encroach and harass us even more to try to ticket us to pay for the 8 trillion that Paulson and his buddies looted from the treasure over the last month. GULP.
#4 CAN YOU SAY POSSE COMMMITATUS ACT VIOLATIONS COMMING. (gulp)
#5 BIG DAWG...this is VERY VERY VERY scary:
Pentagon Wants Packs Of Robots To Detect “Non-cooperative Humans”
Are we looking at the future of policing in America? (gulp). D.A.R.P.A.

Sarah Conner?Yes??Bang, bang!
problem = the world
solution = jesus christ
period!
http://www.projectaiko.com/index.html out OF CONTROL

#6 Former counter-terrorism czar Richard Clarke told CNN yesterday that Osama Bin Laden would attempt to influence the 2008 U.S. election with a terrorist attack or the release of a video tape, an October surprise to replicate that of 2004 when Bin Laden swung the election for Bush.
>WHY R THEY SAYING THIS- we all know Bin Laden is dead,,and its a stage for something else that will just be a SCAM like 911.
>They think we are too stupid from drinking the FLUORIDE to know any different!
Clarke: Bin Laden To Influence U.S. Election

#7 i must go outside now and count the chemtrails -so i will know how sick i will be tomorrow-

when is my appt w / that shrink? i want feedback,,i need to talk to someone about all this,,im having a serious PANICK ATTACK RIGHT NOW,, i am serverly panickkkkkkkked.
i will be eliminated because of this post IM SURE!
yes,,they know who to watch and im on "the list" because of my internet activity -where i go
and what i read..i will be detained soon......