its the day,,the day see a judge about my RA (that monster disease)
Ive prepared the best i can and throw it to the lord to be blessed with the insurance i need so desperately- i will then get to see a rheumatologist and get some help for my aching bones joints and soul........(i feel like i will gt the benefits ) kelly and i are just on edge,,, we started to smoke again, and we will stop after we know what the decision is about my future and health.

i pray i pray i pray,,,so be it!

im back frrommy 10.00 meeting w my atty,,hes so so attty-ish,,i swear,,i cried nhis office cuz he scolded me for not answering the question,,he aked if ihave hobby's,,i said YES (thinking of art) and then i said but i cant anymore cuz of my hands,,he said so udont have a hobby then -- jesh,,eveyone's in such a effing grumpy mood,,and it makes me cry. my god,,its friday,,you all have a life,,whats to be so grumpy about,,,try doing NOTHING for ever,,it SUX!
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ohmygod,i was denied,shit,basicaly-my atty said we have time -time to get Xrays and a shrink report, im very very upset and i feel a fucking flair comig from thr stresss
and kellys just a yelling and tellingme its my respnsibility and fucked up,,and why didnt i have whatever,,,,im in so much pain i did everythig i wass told,,shrinks,,tests,,freaky doctors,,all of it,,ive taken all the medicine,nothing works..so now im just gonna kill my self a soon as i find a good UFO movietowatch and a jug ofwine and whateverelse i wanna effing DO
right now i give up--ITS NOT WORTH IT,,ALL I DOO IS HURT,,WHY LIVE LKE THIS?
i look like shit and i feel like shit