these are my RA knuckels -RA really shows

i am not doing so good today. the cold weather came back-its killin me.

today is Thursday i have a 2;00 appt with dr whitte,,at bedlam,,i need to know just what we r looking at here wiht my poor neck,(hurtz so bad) and i am very nervous about them thinkin they are gonna ween me off the klonipin,,i dont think thats a good idea, and i have to tell her that TODAY,,what the fuck am i gonna do if they take away the only efing thing that has beeen a life saver to me,,when i spin outta control i take a K and i am back on earth and more able t o deal,, omg thay are always taking away what works for me and leaving me to take this shit prednisone,,HEY lets taper that down,,its killing me slowly and they wanna take away the thing that works,,(as fucking usual) im pissed and going to go rest now,im so so upset.

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back,, its 12 30, i just called bedlam clinic=sandy park office and talked to beth, (OMG i never knew) (the blonde from michigan ) and cancelled my appt for today, i have a new one at mach 30 1.20pm, i wrote kelly and attched those pics of me,,she agrees, D o not look good today,its not a goood day to drive....

(its SNOWING NOW-thats just crazy!!!) sorry about all the cursing, i really get mad tho when i think about how all they have done is taken away the things that help,,and leave me with all the shit(prednisone) lexapro,,,, im not so sure i should not wean off that,,i mean really - i cant buy that on the street like i can klonipin xanax and valium,,which are all the kind of drug i need to stay calm, and in control,,when i dont have the K in me,,i cry and cry ..why do they want to take away the only sane pill i have,,i may just go postal,,like LOOK at this stuff,,this is why i do not trust any of the drugs DRUGS ARE BAD! GENERATION RX is not just about children its adults too

this is not me but shows nodules on old ladies elbows,shit! it looks real bad,,,,im scared because im getting this,,, what sux about it - is it hurts so badly to become this shape - aLOT of pain went into making these elbows! lemme tell ya! and I KNOW! alll about those elbow pains-sometimes ya wanna just cutoff yer arms,,I KNOW ive said it,,"forgod sakes just take my arms off please!!!!!!!!!!"when the pain gets to be so bad.

crazy kitten starbaby (gotta luv her)


yesterday-Sarah Palin made her first appearance on the Rush Limbaugh show on Tuesday, OMG how desparate can u get? rush is a freak -
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Yesterday i had a visit with dr. juju (i really really like her)i told her im tapering off the pred,down to 17mg...she said better if i do 5 mg..i read that online about tapering off prednison too,,
i am so sensitive to the prednisone im starting tomorrow down to 15mg and go from there,,,doctor juju said good ..she didn't like the skin on my arms either--- plus bones and teeth,,she insisted i take mega calcium-i told her i DO already,,and i do religiously ,, i take vitamin d and folic acid and whatever else is available...PREDNISONE has gotta be decreased ..it may help my depression as well,,i read online that years of prednisone can mess w/ your mind as well as your body! also she wants me to come back next month to see dr kusi for the klonipin,,my new prescription has 60 instead of 90 and i was NOT told anything about tapering off,,god knows i need those "Klonipin" pills or i just freak out "in-panic" over just anything..im just outta wack,,i sure wish i knew how i got this way,,/ im worried about them lowering my dose cuz those pills dont do much for me so i have to take 2- two of them- just to feel a little calmer and thats when i run out before the month is up,,scary situation! dependency again --i NEED to NOT 2be dependant on any pills actually when all this world falls apart and i cant get to any drugs ...........
(if McCAIN IS ELECTED) = i will suffer from no access to anything at all -,,this is why i am tapering off the prednisone NOW ....welll,,,,now i should taper off the klonipin too i guess,, i have enuff Klonipin's for now so im not to worried and i can ALWAYS "take it to the streets" if i have to" damn it!