i am a worthless "peice of sh*&" and good for nothing...
im very depressed, its aLL NOT GOING SOWELL,,I cannot explain,,i can only say its all so bad for us here in this house,,--guess i am the messed up one here and causingall these problems,,what cani do,i stay soooo careful i everything i do and say,,but its no good i still get slammed-
im wearing down 2 a nub..from the critisisum and the yelling of how im messing everything up and that i just "i dont get it..and how im messing everything up",,its just that,,im sorry, i thougt i waz doing OK then i get this awfulannouncement that im fucked and not doing my fair share and im using up all the resourses and i8m sure im forgetting something,,else too,,but,its all so hard to handel and i just dont get it,,i have that pit in my stomach again,, like i got slugged in the GUT! i am gonnabesicjk --k just left for work on saturday, she says she does this so i can have a good life,,but shes yelling that to me with such resentment,,i cant stand it,,i wanna hide..it makes me feel so worthless.. and now my R.A. REALLYHURTS ..i want to take a walk and just keep walkin' im so sad today. im going back to bed now--i wish i could ,,cant,,gotta preform and get things done -- or im worthless elbows and neck and hands --with or with out--must prove im a value
I HURT real bad right here in my JAW -its been there for awhile ,its just today i really noticed it -QUESTION : do i have RA im my neck and JAW??? how weird..it feels like i do -thats why i cannot swallow very well im sure...

RA is so so so so difficult - it feels like i cant make it -

heres some shots of my elbows and such this AM";

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this is what ive beeen reading this MORNING.headlines : ohboi=
How to Survive the Coming Food Shortage=
All of these factors mean THE END OF CHEAP FOOD
source: http://www.dailypaul.com/node/40465
i said something about this 2 days ago..NPR keeps me up-2-date on everything - they are always ONE step ahead of TV news,,which i dont trust at all,
((((((TV NEWS CNN included..what is isnt,,,and was isnt is.))))))

http://www.codexalimentarius.net/web/index_en.jsp
im tellin ya,,,i smell danger in the comming days,,maybe im paronoid....its possible yes,,BUT why then is it everywhere,,i dont care now about being paronoid, im doing the garden thing asap,,today is sat,,its autum,,and its time 2 learn....for springtime! i was planting flowers,,butwe cant eat flowers,,im moving on to food (more useful)