so now its 10.40 am,,ive been worried and thinking and aksing myself,how can i be a better person? just how do i play this game? i can never recall communication and just floating thru any old day with so much trouble,and unable to even understand whats going on with everything?
is my mind playing tricks on me ? am i being over dramatic? whats wrong with me? what am i doing wrong,i want to know so i dont do it again or at least make a effort to be conciderate of anyone else and everyone else ... i dont want foolish ideas or thoughts,i want to be logical and understND whats whaT-- but i feel confussed and scared and like i have to do something,,but i dont know what.
im painting a picture of leaves and the wind. if i had a camera ,id post a sample but no camera.
i can put all of my heart into it and hope for the best - im using acrylic because i have soo many colors. im sitting out on the fro nt porch and enjoying the sun and nice weather we are having
(50 degree nites and 65 degree days) so i was here and its all quiet,, ive been without TV on during the days because i just dont want all those prescription and insurance commercials bombarding me any more,i can do with out any TV.

try to be positive for the betterment of all

e is under mytable here,on a sleeping bag i have out on thefloor

zzzzzzzz

wow i want one

its a cooooooooold monday morning and gloooomy and dark, it makes me feel depressed and quiet about things. i want to paint - or do some art, to cheer myself up. but ive got important things to do today
find someone to fix our car(antifreeze leak)
~fill ink from printer at walgreens
~fill up on gas from the shell station
~make a list of foods we need
~straighten up / vacuum / dust w liquid gold.
~call danniel
~email joy and ang for a thnk u on ll those cute goodies she brought over herer for us,,she brought us christmas music,(my favorite)
im trying to get over the RA -REAL BAD NECK -LOWER BACK IS HERE AGAIN.
i recall when i was over at patsys,,all that activity caused me to loose control of my thumbs and my lower back,,when i tried to use my legs they didnot work properly,,i had to miove my legs with my hands and i felt like they were NOT attached to my body.they were numb. i fell down hard but.its cold so i have blankets all over the flooors back here,,so i landed softly .. its called Neuropathy i was told the tingeling and numbness are Neuropathy .i was prescribed neurotin=

i had a bad reaction,,i swelled up to the size of this 2 thousand square foot house, i was worried i was gonna blow up ..i stopped that neurotin on my own -doctor got mad at me then-i felt thats when he (kusi) wrote me off at that point-he gave up on me.

neurotin picture of me
elbows out of control then

the neurotin did this to me

i quit taking it,,and the doc got mad at me.