Friday, August 28, 2009

when i see her in the morning i say,,look, shes grown over nite

im here and it took awhile for me to get going, it hurt to walk on my feet.
i just got back from dropping K off. i am worried about money again, im trying to sell things we dont need, like the mitre saw downstairs and the black antique chairs from patsy-- right now, no ONEs buying anything,craigslist is slow and tulsa sells and recycles is slow- no ones buying.
i still am on a news ban,due to the anxiety it creates, the weather has cooled down abit-more like fall now,,im hoping it stays like this until time for winter,that would be nice. i cant stand the heat on methotrexate - i just step out for a second and i bust out in this awful sweat,its so unbearable.
worried about the info i find everywhere,hes a craigslist memo i stumbled on to and read it word for word, (back to stashing stuff in the basement for survival):
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New World Order (Everywhere)
Date: 2009-08-27, 10:41PM MDT
Reply To This Post
EVERYONE! After years of conspiracy theorists screaming about the New World Order, those like Michael Moore and Alex Jones were labeled "Nuts" by the general media. However, as recently as July 2009, an Austrian journalist named Jane Bergermeister has published information and filed criminal charges with the Austrian government and the US FBI claiming that FEMA, WHO (world health organization), Obama Administration and an Austrian pharmaceutical company named Baxter are trying to commit mass genecide by unleashing a bio-weapon (the H1N1 virus); other scientists who confirm her story that the H1N1 virus was genetically engineered by Baxter (and the WHO group); she also claims that Obama and FEMA will declare Marital Law and force upon the American public - a lethal vaccination (also created by Baxter) causing mass genecide. Other sources confirm that any resistors will be taken to FEMA death camps - concentration camps worse than the NAZI concentration camps. The FEMA trains are designed to house hundreds of people (in shackles) and to gas people right in the compartments; the FEMA camps have no accommodations for housing, dining or sleeping quaters - ONLY gas chambers and incinerators; (watch the youtube videos and see for yourself). In recent speeches, Obama and his administration have voiced overtures of Martial Law; he and his new health care advisers are advocating euthenasia. How much clearer can the signs be. By all credible reports from scientists, civil rights watch groups, investigative (foreign journalists, we are about to be in a STATE OF EMERGENCY within the next few weeks! Obama and FEMA will be declaring Martial Law in about 3 -6 weeks! (no later than October - if that!) THIS IS NOT A JOKE! PASS THIS ON TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN! DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH ! Giving up ONE night of TV to do a little homework - could literally save your life; and your family! Attached is an html file with a list of BOOKMARKED links - From reputable VERIFIED sources about the upcoming MARTIAL LAW that is ABOUT to be perpetrated on the AMERICAN PEOPLE - in order to take over this country and SUSPEND the US Constitution! THERE IS NO BIRD FLU Pandemic - except the one that was genetically engineered by Baxter Pharmaceutical, FEMA and WHO; They will then make it MANDATORY that people take (deadly) VACCINE - which will kill people; Those who resist will be taken to FEMA "detention" camps (and really death camps)! Many in Congress are unaware of FEMA's & Homeland Security Agency's Plans, but factions of the US Gov -under the guise of FEMA have been planning these Concentration Camps for Years! They plan to use Martial Law to murder American Citizens and decrease the population! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyQvXZzAa3M&feature=related Check out the LINKS in the attachment - watch the videos! I repeat - THERE ARE DEATH TRAINS - to take people to DEATH CAMPS Not work or detention camps (there are NO Housing Accommodations , just gas chambers and incinerators!; They don't even have those in Guantanamo Bay -for the REAL terrorists! so what the HELL are these facilities doing on AMERICAN SOIL ! ?? for YOU and YOUR FAMILY! That's who! Google REX87; Again, These videos are DOCUMENTED EVIDENCE by reputable scientists, JOURNALISTS and congressmen; This is not hype, this is not crazy; this is not radical talk! THIS IS REAL! We are going to experience FAR WORSE than what was perpetrated by Nazi Germany during WWII It will most likely take you a few hours to go through the links. Be sure to watch all of the Youtube videos, first in order to get a quick overview of what's going on. (SEE the criminal complaint filed by Austrian Journalist, Jane Bugermeister against FEMA, and Baxter Pharmaceuticals); http://www.theflucase.com/downloads/Microsoft_Word__Criminal_Charges__Swine_flu_edits_v2_1_.pdf BUT ONCE THINGS START TO HAPPEN- and there is a military presence in your area - DO NOT ! I REPEAT ... DO NOT! EXPOSE YOURSELF TO ARREST! go into seclusion; do not voice protests (by yourself) ! do not voice anti-government sentiments! ( pack what you can carry (backpacking) just take your family and LEAVE! - or join neighborhood watch groups! Hopefully there will be still some remaining in Government or Congress who can take action and suspend this ILLEGAL Martial Law. If you act alone - YOU WILL BE SINGLED OUT! ARRESTED, TAKEN TO FEMA CAMPS - AND KILLED! What you CAN do is write only trusted REPRESENTATIVES IN Congress! (one is Rep. Peter DeFazio - Oregon, and those congressmen on the Homeland Security Committee) send them links to information! Do it anonymously if you have to! They're probably asleep at the wheel if they are in office and they are not aware of these FEMA Concentration Camps! or what FEMA, Obama, and Clinton have been planning all along! But there ARE STILL some people in CONGRESS that are honest and decent citizens who want to uphold the US Constitution! Maybe it's too late for them to do anything now??! Maybe they still can??! ! There are still some in the military who have no idea why or WHAT the buildup IS FOR! They truly believe there is a "natural" Swine flu epidemic! They that THINK they are doing the right thing! You won't KNOW WHO you're dealing with! DO NOT TAKE ANY SHOTS OR VACCINES! DO NOT ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO BE VACCINATED! IF YOU ARE FORCED- MAKE A SCENE! IN PUBLIC! How can you take action to protect your family? 1) start hoarding some CASH NOW! and things to trade or barter - jewelry, staples, gold, etc. for immediate TRADE; they won't be much good afterward when Martial Law is enforced. 2) Start STOCKING UP and buy at LEAST 1 or 2 MONTH'S WORTH OF WATER, FOOD STAPLES, canned goods (fresh vegs & fruit but won't last long) (Ensure, Gator Ade, canned vegs, Powdered Milk, bottled water or a REVERSE OSMOSIS WATER SYSTEM, Protein Powder, beans, rice, pre-packaged vacuum sealed food if you can get it online); CANDLES, CANNED GOODS! BATTERIES, FIRST AID ITEMS, CRITICAL MEDICATIONS; masks (gas mask, tyvek suit, filter masks) (all utilities, phone, TV, internet will most likely be suspended). (after that you will most likely be mobile on foot); Do not drink TAP WATER or store bought bottled water AFTER the Martial Law is declared! FILTER YOUR OWN - with a portable commercial grade - REVERSE OSMOSIS UNIT! One that you can take with you - if you are mobile. BUY NON-GMO SEEDS PACKETS ONLINE! (many new seed are terminator seed and will not grow new plants from the seeds of that harvest of plants. or they will have no new seeds at all); they will try to starve the masses; stock up! Find an underground shelter or places to hide/hoard food if possible. 3) at the first signs of trouble - on the news or in your neighborhood -STAY HOME FROM WORK! KEEP YOUR KIDS OUT OF SCHOOL! 4) IF YOU ARE TOLD TO EVACUATE - DO NOT GET INTO TRAINS -OR FOLLOW THE CROWDS! TAKE YOUR FAMILY AND FLEE ON YOUR OWN ! do NOT be herded WITH CROWDS; 5) If you can afford a short wave radio or HAM radio and a CB radio- GO BUY ONE! now! (the internet will probably be suspended); GPS unit (will probably not work for very long - they may jam the satellites); a compass; satellite phone (although probably won't work for long); a LORAN (yes, an old fashion boat LORAN system); 6) If you can afford a small diesel generator or hydro (water) generator - buy one! maybe a small one that you can carry; portable sterno units; matches, lighters. 7) Same - if you can afford to buy a small portable (mobile) solar powered appliance recgarger or phone recharger - so that you can carry it with you! (forget your cell phones! they won't work! batteries); (there are water powered batteries -(hydro electric batteries) online - if you are serious survivalist - these are worth it); 8) This may sound nuts but, search out caves; or go to a remote island or country; if you can, hire a sailboat with a captain if you don't know how to sail); or if you know someone with a sailboat - better make some plans for a LONG TRIP! again get an old fashion LORAN system; again - satellites will be jammed and the newer systems won't work! a good reliable "chronagraph" watch and a good compass will do just as well! (read the book "Longitude" to learn how to use them); if you can afford a vacation - go sometime in Sept - before things start to happen. 9) survivalist or camping equipment - Swiss army knife/tool set; 10) PORTABLE water purifier; with extra filter cartridges 11) maps & survivalist manuals 12) GUNS - Look what happened during Katrina - looters, crazies; If people stick together during this time- and help one another - we WILL SURVIVE this! We can lie low - and peacefully help one another, and wait out the "FLU"; if FEMA authorities come for YOU or your family (for no reason) you KNOW they are up to no good! - YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO PROTECT YOURSELF. IF you are able to FIGHT - do so! EVEN WITH UN TROOPS ALREADY STATIONED HERE ON AMERICAN SOIL ...#1 THEY ARE OUT NUMBERED BY US! #2 It is against the US constitution for American Troops or foreign troops for that matter - take up arms against American Citizens on American Soil; AS AMERICAN CITIZENS WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS. WE HAVE THE RIGHT TO FILE CRIMINAL CHARGES AGAINST TREASONOUS ACTS AGAINST THE US CONSTITUTION. FEMA IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL! FORCED VACCINATION IS A VIOLATION OF OUR CIVIL RIGHTS! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Amendment_to_the_United_States_Constitution THE SECOND AMENDMENT OF THE US CONSTITUTION GIVES US THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Use it or lose it people! REMEMBER WE OUTNUMBER THEM! DON'T BE HERDED TO DIE IN A DEATH CAMP! 13) again - things will probably start to take place around Sept / October - Keep your kids & family close to home; listen to your shortwave radio - PBS (public radio, Alex Jones, or any other trustworthy internet news source; if people start to go "missing" or it is reported that people are disappearing (most likely prominant outspoken talk hosts who speak out against FEMA or the Obama Administration - BE PREPARED to take your family - and leave! Go somewhere remote; if you are still able to leave - take a vacation to FIJI or some remote place; but get the HELL out of town while you can still leave! FIND CAVES; visit a foreign country (Asia, France said it WILL REFUSE TO DECLARE MARTIAL LAW); DRIVE remote roads (or motorbike); hike, take a sailboat, a private plane, or any unusual means of transportation that you can - Because you will most likely be taken custody at public airports; YOUR CELLPHONE CAN BE TRACKED! ditch it! 14) If you don't already OWN A GUN - GET ONE! iT'S ALSO a good idea to start taking some shooting lessons. join a shooting range or a gun club! 15) PRAY; PRAY ALONE; PRAY IN GROUPS; joint MASS PRAYER groups! It worked during WWII - it will work AGAIN! If you do nothing... (if you do not even research this to see if this is all real) - you will probably join the masses - for whatever they have in store --- for you!
Location: Everywhere
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Thursday, August 27, 2009

star is beautiful. Felis domesticus .shes a tortoiseshell kitten.

im back from the grocerystore,i had to go before it got too hot today,we r outta everything
and the kitty's want supersupper bad....spoiledrotten
two days from the dose and i feel mucho better,,the pills really make me feel queeezy and awful until it all disovles and gets into me,,i almost want to inject metho again,because its tearing up my stomach,i spend the whole nite on the toilet with diarrhea feeling but no action,,???
i always say in the moment that its JUST NOT WORTH IT,,but then after it fades away i feel stronger and more like the old me--- before all this RA stuff hit. RA is my "katrina"
*my elbows and hands r lookin more like RA lately--i noticed my knuckels on the steering wheel while driving - i have to learn to keep them down (outta sight)or i worrie someones lookin at em,,its creepy.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

methotrexate
took my pills last nite ((dr. increased the dose-now im taking 4 pills)

i feel creepy and sick,,after i took the pills last nite,i became sooo sick and queasy i had to go lay down- i slept and woke and slept and woke and selpt and woke up over and over
not a good night at all, when the alarm went off it was very hard to get up.,.my neck and feet were so painful and i went straight for the perkidan,(half a pill-they r too strong 4 me)
so i took 1= 5 mg.prednisone, 1=1/2 perkadan, 1 darvon, 1=penicillin and about NOW,40 minuets later i can think and move
i understand the pain and depression going together,, sometimes it hurts so bad that i cant even talk straight,,i mix up words and say everything backwards
example i called the vacuum cleaner a refrigerator, i called pants shirts and other stupid things like that ,,ts very embarrassing and humiliating
i am clammy and hot allthe time,,OR im freezing,,i told K that my body's thermostate is jacked up bad. i also told the doctor,,but she doesnt give one ounce of a damn, she minimises EVERYthing and even said this about the methotrexate
" its kind of like chemo= " OMGOD,,IT IS CHEMO u ...u..nevermid ,,i cant believe i have to see such inadiquit doctors,,and NO mention of removasl ofcateracks,,they just let me go on like this,,i guarentee U that if i had INSURANCE id see a whole other dside to all this,,.like removal of catreracks,,and possible fix for my neck-what ever that would be?? AND id sure as hell have no teeth falling outta my mouth
all of my teeth on the bottom are loose as can be,,it scares me to eat food,,bite into anything
and i could loose a effing tooth,,its so end of the road BECAUSE its WELFARE and it is nothing to be dependant on --
its just NOT worth it,i want medicare and i cant get approved,,and i dont know why>? HELP me lord.
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Methotrexate's Drug Class: Methotrexate belongs to the drug class known as DMARDs, or disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drugs. DMARDs slow the progression of rheumatoid arthritis and other rheumatic diseases, and help prevent joint damage.
Methotrexate was developed as a leukemia drug in the 1940s. The drug was considered experimental in the 1970s. It was approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to treat rheumatoid arthritis in 1988.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

had to be at the DDS at 8.30 this morn,,got two stitches removed and i feel queeezy now,,gotta rest bbl

Monday, August 24, 2009

MARS is visible in the nite sky,, just right of the MOON
ohgod,,its a sinus kinda day,,and it has been a sinus kinda month im too ADD/ADHD lately to sit still,,im running all around trying to find help,,job,,extra money food clothes and everything else ....and its wearing me out
im spending time doing online surveys for now i talked to my mom,,kelly googled her and then dialec the number she habnded the phone to me and i was scared to say anyhting,, i heard her voice and immediatly i cried for my momma we talked for two hours and made plans to go visit in two weeks (holiday ) we will go up and see her - im very excited about that too.
its been too long and our whole point was this is whats important,,right here and NOW -
i think it'll help my soul to have my mom back, i played neil diamond thisa sunday morning and it made me cry,,thats when kelly said call yer moma! and i said OK,,after 8 yrs of her tryong to get me to look at this whole abandonment deal as what it is,,nothing but silly things get in ther way of our goal in life,,which is to secure love and live with love,, im proud of kelly for popening this wound and showing me that it doesnt really hurt at all,its a good thing -- so i said lets do it.
im glad

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


its thrursady - im so inpain this morning
i gotta see the doc today -2.00 pm appt.
i have not been here at the computer due to my squrming fromthe pain of it all,
i took a whole pain aid (perkadan?) from the dentist and it wz so powerfull i thought i was gonna throw up from it - i gotta break em in half in order to stand the medicine but that'll make em last longer too
im not around the news lately due to stress- i only saw a few headlines and it was enuff to freak me/stress me out.....
china is buying up all the oil
sientists predict a mega earthquake for seattle wa.
FDIC Sees Ag Banks As The Next Big Crisis
my body is falling apart,,and there is no help, my mind is falling apart and there is no help.
this country is turning into something i dont reckonize at all.
my life has turned into something i cant control -so very depressing
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i see it all being torn away
i thought i was better but im not, im worse by the day. i have no teeth i cant eat-its so hard to even watch TV because the food is maks me hungry.
i cant bear to watch as everything gets ripped away
my health, my ligfe , my dreams .. i feel the loss of all the ones i thought loved me,i see the reality,its too much for me to bear, it ALL will end soon.
i am so at the bottom of a pit i cant crawl out of
i am starting to believe that ...that there is no hope, where i only had hope, i see that i was only fooling myself -- there is no help,therefore no hope.
why bother with art and beauty and all that,,it makes NO difference
nor does it releive me of my mind and my broken heart.
im just damed for everything. i look back at my life,when i was a kid,i see now,,how mom just let us fall ,,no guiedence, she didnt not teach us anything - she only scared us to death with all her yelling - i knew then as a kid i was in trouble
i dreamed that i would meet my love and stay together forever, and have a lil house with birds and flowers in the backyard,,its all a sham, all a waste of time to even think i was even worth 2 cents. i hate it all now,,i see how i was a fool - and i wasted my youth on searching for a way to make my dreams come true, im a failure
found this at my old site from 2003.
((ya know the germans always make great stuff))

alot has been going on here, wiht this RA and all,,i spent last saturday at the abstract copmany,,i posted properties for 3 hours, to see if i could doit PT,,well,,i love the job, BUT i cant hold my head iin the way you need to to log everything,,its a easy job and i could work PT they totally need the help,, i was so disapointed about my neck- im going again this sat to try again,,ifi can pull this off,,i can work there PT and already know the job,,they could hire me and ill be good to go,,no training needed __ great plan that kelly came up with.
Upper left back two teeth,(including my wisdom) had to be pulled again yesterday,,i called everywhere and looked online for a dentist cheap and around here,,of course the lord led em to a dentist on utica and they were all so nice,,NO partronizing or making me feel bad because of the issues im having
heres the website:
http://www.tulsa-smiles.com/HTML/doctors.html
the dentist was sooooooooooooooo NICE and careing,he knew i was alittle touchy and about to breakdown the whole tiem,,i wanted to say,,Ill come back,,but i hung in there and he yanked out two bad teeth in the back of my mouth,SO yesterday i was SICK fromall that,i could not even make it up to get my prescriptions,,i was too sick and sweaty - hot - it was so humid and unbearible and its gonna be like that again today,i MUST go to utica square MED-X and get my medicine PINICELLIN and PAINAIDS,i already had penicilkin from the last time i went to DDS
so i took what i had and layed on the sofa