im scared and im in pain completly

once again i woke up in incredible pain,,all over,,i dont sleep well,im having such bad dreams,,i am always running from something,,and telling everyone ahead that i will catch up and then i cant ,,i get lost and left behind,,it wakes me up and im having this dream in different variations and i am scared when i wake up and i start to cry from fear
i think im very insecure about the future and about myself and i think when shit hits the fan we will regret my lack of health,,i am weaning off these meds and going all natural and this is why im worried and insecure,im winging this completly,,no idea what im doing rreally,,,shit,,im scared that just that! scared about my future and scared about 2012,,and scared we wont be able to surive with RA -- i told all this to the shrink,,they belittle me,,why,,i have always been told my instints are right on and i should follow them,,and i am,,and everyone thinks im freaking out,,but,, i give up on telling anyone about how when winter gets here,,ALOT of PPL WILL GET H1N! and i do NOT intend on being one of them,,go nowhere! wash hands and breath no one else's air,,i cant afford to get sick
kelly told me her job is just slamming w/ bankruptcies and BKs from rich and famous here in tulsa,,businesses going under left and right,,leaving town w/ out any reason and without any warning,,ts EFFING WEIRD
when i see the future, i get very worried,,i watched videos on youtube about foodstrage and its a headache,,id rather starve,,or if i had money,id pay someone to do it for me,,i cant lug around those bags whole grains and pack them to last for ten- fifteen yrs,,, ID LOVE to do it,,but i cant afford the food we eat today much less a stash,,god we r screwed!!!! i spent 100 dollars at the
g-store,,and its already about gone,, money is not going as far as it did just a yr ago,,sugar is high and coffee will soon become a luxury not a necessity
times are changing and ,,thats why i am having bad dreams and wake up in soo much pain,,
its so hard on me,,i never wanna give up tho,,i wanna fight like hell for what we have
i trust in the lord and he will make my path straight
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i napped and i feel better now,its amost time to drive downtown(just five blocks or so) and p/u kelly,i am guilty of sleeping aaaaall day yesterday and aaaaaalll day today,thankGOD kelly wont getmad,,thank GOD i wont be harrased or judged -at least for right now anyways who knows tho,,things change and i cant keep up with what im saposed to be doing- i made apost today to sell off kellys old but new cell phone..and a sprint mogul from angela,,she loves technoligy and likes to get whats hot and she gives us the old stuff and thats just great,,i see my post didnt make it thru the moderator,,that "tulsa sel" and"tulsa buy,sell,trade yahoo groups" SUCKS noones buying,,i dont know if thy all went somewhere else or what> i signed up at craigs list and made a post for my belts and a few other things,,but no hits,,ppl just want it free or forge it,,no one can afford anything ... i swear!
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ya know how im always saying "pray to St Francis for the sweet and precious animals to be protected",,i found THIS in wikipedia,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_of_Assisi
awww ,,being a Catholic girl growing up.. i think htis is my favorite saint...
i pray to him always thru the lord Jesus Christ amen!

another thing to watch is this H1N1 ,,i understand its not being reported (media blackout unless is a death from the virus)
links for info
http://pandemicinformationnews.blogspot.com/
learned a new word 2day=Scilon had to really search to find out what this is,,i found it alright,,and its a weird connection /coincidence again

scilon : A person who sympathizes or is directly involved with the Church of Scientology. Used in a derogatory manner by Anonymous and those opposed to the practices of the Church of Scientology.
"Hey scilon, how much are they paying you to write this biased garbage? $70 a week?"
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Scilon
A follower of L. Ron Hubbard and the "Church" of Scientology. The term is a play on "Cylons," the robotic invaders in Battlestar Galactica. It is particularly appropriate because Hubbard was a science fiction writer, and the top-seekrit "OT levels" are based on the belief that we are infected with "body thetans," the confused, immortal souls of space aliens who became disoriented 75,000,000 years ago when the evil space warlord Xenu brought them to Earth (or Teegeeack, as it was known then), dropped them into volcanoes and blew them up with nuclear weapons.
"The Scilons tried to talk me into taking a Free Personality Test."
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i was led to this discription of Dr. Rima (who i happen to like ) was called a "scilon " hummmmmmmmm. well i was looking at CODEX AL. again to see if any new news was out about it,,and i found alot,interesting ,,kelly says it'll be a cold day in hel;l before we the ppl let them out law vitimans,,but hey u never know! stranger things have happened,,like out - lawing liquor,,seems like crazy idea these days!

anubis.

im here and its LATE,,its about three thirty,,and i only feel a little bit better,,im weak and my hands wrists and shoulders and neck and feet HURT HURT HURT,,why,,what the heck did i do to start all this? well,i didn't do anything,BUT i bet its cuz i cannot sleep -im having heat flashes thru-out my body and it wakes me up in middle of the nite, i cant ignore this either,,its very hot and it stays awhile then disappears,,and i get nauseated ,,so, i do not feel good at all,,,

its getting hot in OKlahoma now,,its hitting 90 degrees everyday,,and our skys are filled every morning with thin wispy long spreading out chremtrails,,i think if its bad for ppl then all the little bugs and birds and things would be poisoned and die,,,right????hummmm, what a mystery,,that i want to know all about,,hey,,anything im not supposed to know is what i want to know,,anything that is hidden makes me look harder and stay on it until i come to a conclusion about the situation then i move on to my next obsession hahahaaa,, now tho,,its the sky and the trails,,why do they keep it secret? why not just tell us,,unless its a deviant thing and would not like it,,soo,,the mystery continues,we will know one day WTF has been going on right over our heads

CNN's unseen photo of MM that was JUST found in a old someplace-(not as impotrtant as these pics!)

she was so special,and i love her!

http://www.life.com/image/first/in-gallery/27412/marilyn-neverpublished-photos

im having a hard time with my neck area and the more active i am the more it hurts later,,i had to go crazy over fleas on the cats,,(probably got them from letting them eat grass outside early in the mornings) and the front line has still NOT arrived in the mail yet,wtf?
we are really needing that stuff while the cats are clean -
ohmyy neck tho,,why does it hurt and its clicking and everytimei move it ithurts,so no rubberneckin for me,,it gives me a headache. the chemtrails are back too,i noticed them last nite,,sunday eve,and they were thick in the sky this morning and yestrdaty (sunday)
took pictures of sunday early am chemtrails being made:
http://picasaweb.google.com/debrabmaddox/2009OMGItsAlmost2012#5345086258056909234
my photoalbum w/picasa (loveit)
i just spun off completly by going into picasa

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/Earth2100/story?id=7697237&page=1
wow
He that is afraid to shake the dice will never throw a six.
- Chinese Proverb

looks like im not the only one yelling and crazy about all this,,
LOOK from twitter:
The Obama hieroglyphic, Barack visits the pyramids.
by amazngdrx on Fri 05 Jun 2009 08:15 AM CDT Pat yourselves on the back, all Obama voters/supporters. What could be a better boost for peace than Obama's visit and his fantastic speech in Cairo?
Maybe identifying with Egypt's marvelous ancient history, personally? compare the ears on the hieroglyphic (video). Now touring the concentration camp his grandfather helped liberate with Ellie Weisel.
Forgive yourselves for getting verklempt, we really have helped change history. "Those who learn from history are doomed to watch others repeat it", maybe we all dispelled that gloomy historical cloud somewhat? Who said our individual votes/volunteer efforts don't count? They were wrong!
its allll over the net,,shiti thought it was just us and barack,,dang..
http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog/_archives/2009/6/5/4211413.html

pictures of the trip Dallas march 2009 King Tut exhibit

this man is something "else" i screamed when i saw this on CNN,,i cannot tell u how personal this is,,we were in Dallas at the KING TUT EXHIBIT and no cameras allowed ... tina- kelly- and i had a LONG LONG time with the sarcophagus and we noticed one special very special icon -what i call hieroglyphics but this icon LOOKED LIKE BARACK OBAMA!! and we freaked right there in the dark and beautiful exhibit room where we looked over king tuts sarcophagus,,AKA tomb. golden and so magical i was in heaven the whole time i was with my Egyptian spirits. i have pics here:
look at this Barack is being shown the VERY same icon with doctor Hawass,(my hero) and they say the same thing we did,,
short clip-watch is here: swear i about cried for the coincidence of it all