showing what 5 years can do via age,,i looked so young one day then Bamb! i woke up looking older when RA came along - its totaly worn me out- mentaly and physicaly

* its 1.05am,i got up cuz,,,a dream? pain? not quit sure why -i took my last oxy tonite (10.00 pmish )when kelly got home from - due tooooo much pain- feet& elbows especialy

am out of D. and need to fill it asap,,dunno where tho,,lookin'

for the cheapest place- want to stick w/ walgreeens b/c they know me.

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im real out of it right now,,i had to take ~2~ Klonipins just chill i awoke w/ much anxity,,, they r kickin in now- im going downstairs for a second then wash hands/ and go back to bed,, (my insides hurt-and i wish id get my dot if i ever will again? i have cramps but no action and i bet its my time to stop,,,ahhh i am depressed about that,i need those falopian tubes,,-they make me a woman,,im scared to stop having my dot -and well,-it just means im getting old but is that possible? everybody does get old,,why cant i seem to feel like an adult and not some helpless freak with ra and cant do shit now,,just like a 5 yr old,,i need help even to remember things,,god,,ima ,,nope,,not gonna rag on me,,its negitive and i want posostive - im stoppin w/ the neg, remarks about how inadiquit i am,,,hehe.