serious pain -i can not blog I HAVE CHEST PAIN GALORE,,I DONT KNOW WHY ,,I CAN T SIT HERE,,this has BEEN GOING ON FOR DAYS.,,gets better then gets real bad then worse, then just disappear then ..then backagain,,wtf? i cant hardly breath and i gotta go Now

its a cold and lazy sat and i got up at 8.00am instead of 5.30 or 6.00 am,,it really seems to let me hang on a little more thru the day -but right now im hanging on for a nap.. waiting for mr Michael to come and buy our professional mop -bucket and 2 ringers- for a decent price...
he was to be here at 12.00..havent seen him yet -gotta go for now,,once he is here & gone-
plans is = laying down fast (kids spent nite here last nite,,cute as can be) - ouchi fingers,,cannot type------------------
this part was written on Tuesday morn (april 1st) about this day:
**skipped friday b/c we had Tina's 2 kids stay w/us,,,it was real neat
but TG we dont have kids.
they cost a fortune to keep,,we can barely afford our 2 cats, b/c everything is expensive -how do people do it??? my sister raised 3 kids,,they are about to graduate from high school and they all have their jobs -those kids enjoy earning money -Drew Stevie and Amanda-my sisters,,
and kellys sisters kids are Ariel and Blake- 13yrs and 8 yrs?Blake?? younger but i dont know how old he is, hes a little man tho- its like, he want to put on a suit first thing and get dress for the career at this young age of 8 or so,,its so cute to watch and to be around children - i think they are so alien,,i just look with amazement at them-

its been a good/mild 0evenflow- day, today- i rested Alot more then i usualy do so i feel ,well, rested,,ive been hanging w/kelly all afternoon- we had important errands that needed to be done 2DAY, and she said"no way am i gonna make u drive your RA'd ass all over town!" she took the afternoon off, i rested this AM insted of afternoon,and now im xhausted as its WAY pat my bedtime ,its 9.49 pm,,im seing double,my eyes are tried -im just sittinghere really doing nadda so ithoughtid hit this quick,andpost pics of how swollen iam,,, (DR APT on the !st- KUSI.)

im soooooo tired

this morn. was painful -More then usual,duno why,, im still hurting in elbows hands and wrapped feet in " coban "(whatevr its called)
and my hands reallllly hurt,,
i have been wearing those soft gloves at night,,it really helps,, wearing them every night for past week or so....


its 9.14 am tt kelly at work ,,shes stressed out,,its a school nite,,tinas calling kelly and asking for the impossible again! (watch her kids all weekend-like,riiiiiight) (weve babysitted for her ALOT LATELY ) its too expensive for us to feed/watch for extended period of time - her children,,we just cant,,i cant bare the thought of kds running around here all effing weekend,,id rather have a sharp pen stuck in my eye.

i try to get ready for the Day,, get dressed-to motivate me to stay up and not to sleep-even tho it hurts-but i still have to lay down at 11.00 to sleep until 2.00-or 3.00 pm
I don't want to get up then, because its that pain in hands and feet and elbows again.
~Like i told my therapist and Kelly,,i cannot keep going to sleep and waking up ,,it hurts its killing me,,so what do ya do? u know?? its a vicious cycle .....anyhooooo
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its Tuesday,,i just woke up from a "siesta" I'm very MUCH OUT OF IT,,Later w/ the blog -my fingers still hurt-cant type .............

* i hate the way this RA is in my body, eating away at my joints EVERY SINGLE DAY i cant get break- i see damage in my hands wrists and feet -why am i taking this prednisone if its not working ????
~ IM NOT about to increase the dose - in fact,, I'm about to wean my self down lower and lower,
i cannot continue this prednisone "side effects crap",,its wearing me out-whew!

EASTER.DAY-i love the lord!jesus is beautiful!

kellys depressed, its easter-christ has risen-kewl-im just hurtin' b/c i took a fall
last nite,(saturday) we were hanging out back by the computers,,i stood up after sitting for so long,,and went to turn to leave the room when my legs just gave out and i fell into my closet (door was open) i just caught my self on my left side,,i hurt my wrist and pulled my legs outta the hips again,,i was sent straight to bed-LOL and heatin' pad up- my elbows are wrecked man,,i dunno if im gonna have elbows if this contines,
all my arms want to do,is stay straight out on a cool crisp pillow and not to move,,they hurt when i use my arms which is all the effing time,,this is just great-uploading pics to show elbows after a LONG NAP they still hurt and are red and inflammed

posting pics to show i am getting worse,,-ive sleept -ive exersized -ive eating right, -im doing what i can,,but something is making me week and puffy and my organs hurt,,my feet hurt from RA my hands are VERY sensitive (almost sore) my elbows seem to be the main RA thing ..they really HURT bad- we need to take pictures of them to compare to last years elbow shots,,(god i reallllllly do take aLOT of PICTURES) i have so many CDs where i had to back up and wipe my harddrive,,there are at least 20 CDs with AVIs and pictures starting from 2003?yea,,once i got this digital -OMG it was strapped to me the first two years,,its wearing off now tho,,i still go crazy and take the camera sometimes - BUT not like i used to do,,everyone who was around got their picture taken even if they said NO,- hehe- rambeling on here,,,stop/

the reality is ...

something IS GOING ON W/me "fersher".... really tho,seriously i am getting more and more puffy im even worse today damnit!,,its a beautiful day,the sun is out - its gotta be 72 degrees out there -i wanna plant!!! but NO way untill after the two more weeks, cant take that chance..(late-freeze) i have alot to plant indoors tho,,tons of starts to sell this spring (people love and will buy my plants)--------------------
MY RA SUX lately - ive got enuff energy to last about three hours then bamb!im out ,,i need to sleep,,i really cant get anything done except little stuff like cleaning and laundry,,you know-things i can come back to,, ive got so many ideas and want to start sewing,,i have a machine(it was a gift) god sent it my way,,i must MUST thread that puppy UP and go to town sewing,,i love to sew--even tho i did make D- in that class in school-(funni) ohwell,,it/school- taught me how to use patterns & SEW !!---my mom sewd,,ALOT -so, she taught me as well-

all these pics are from RIGHT NOW- i dont feel so good,,my insides hurt (my organs )

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ITS 3.00pm ,i just woke up.im zoning out while waiting for the NUROTIN and darvon to kick in:

i pick up kelly at 5.30 today-she insisted i rest,,i sure do not feel good,,i wish i knew what i could do,i eat OK and i GAINED 5 pounds! thats a good thing ////size 1 is too small for me,,i need to be a size 5 or at 115 to be comfortable,,im there NOW so i gotta be careful .

WE STOPPED for good on the smoking- its official again- its hard to quit after 20 yrs of marlboros but it just has to be done,,no more nomore nore nomore nomorenore nomorenomorenorere nore nore nore,OPPS got stuck,,,hehefunni/

i miss my LIFE!!!!! i cant do it- i cant - i feel so helpless,, is it beating me? im just too tired to fight-

i cant post lately,,im so sick,,i dont know whats wrong i am very tired always -


my skin is thin and i feel real sick internally -


dont wanna seem Hypocondract-ish,, who knows,,,OH and -my small-toe got broke again,,that made me sick-
im deeply depresssed again

cant believe its friday already.(blink and a year goes by...) kelly decided to take a V day and go with me to MORTON-today,we decided last nite,,i just dont look right,, it wasnt bad,we got

there @9ish,,and out by 11.00 - my doc is on vacation,,i have an appt for the 1st of next month,,but kelly and everyone were like,OMG debi looks bad ---and ive been wearing that belly-buster wrap thing around my middle-lower torso area - so i can keep my organs from feeling so weird,,the hug of the wrap helps somehow... we saw DR JUJU today,i like her alot,,shes from Darfur i believe -i saw her the 1st time,,she did not recognize me until she took a second look at me,,and at my face/// its just so puffy now -SO ROUND - and i keep swellling,and i showed her my arms and how bad they are,,, she looked very concerned and ordered up some blood tests,i gave up 3 viles then was free to leave,,all was fine EXCEPT kelly had to pay for the 25.00 visit then PAY FOR THE TESTS TOO- all and all it cost us ALOT -and we r so broke- she was agitated and -so it bothered me too-and i began to get teary- at the paying place,,

I kept my cool,,i just felt my heart sink into my gut --thats all--we are out of money -completely,,with nowhere to get any either --- sooooo - i do try to sell things on line,,thru a place here locally called "tulsa sells",, a "Yahoo"group here in town -we all sell stuff there,,and add photos and whatever,,its great,,but NO-ONES "BUYING" anything unless its a give away,,Everyones "broke",,money is getting thiner -or just doesnt go as far,,,,so we r STRESSED,,and today KELLY AND I ARE done with any smoking of any ciggys when ppl come over,,they always talk us into smokin' w/them,so we decided NO MORE SMOKING socially-end of that dangerous game-

OhMyGOOD-hes a frigggen"reptialian" if i EVER saw one(dick cheany too)
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got kelly off to wrk,,im dragging,stll under the influence of what ever happened to my arm,,it set off a flare.//flair...and i have not been very well,from that point,,, kelly has given ORDERS,,to rest rest rest today,,no lifting no painting no big heavy anything,,,no vaccume no nothing,,im restricted to bedrest and computer only- i will go sleep now and come back when i feel better,,, here are pics of the family right this very moment,,(lovethat)

how i look, and feel right NOW........................notsogoood

omg=monday's post was awful w/ thast picture of my skin pealing open like a page from a book,,,,discustuting ICKY!grossmeout!!!-i have 4 shots of that "injury" and i cant stand to even look at them...,i have to have them b/c i must document whats all goiing on w/me. its either my bones breaking or skin pealing off or weird splits on my fingers,****noticed somptin=remember how I could NOT swallow???- i'd choke and choke and gag,,on the smallest of bites,,well,,all that has seemed todisappeared now,,thank GOD!- i have swallowed just fine= EVEN while eaing tacobuneo-bean and meat burreto-with Xtra cheeese and Xtra sour cream & mexi dip and chipspleassee!!!(total=$7.56 please pull up to the next window )which is the true test,,i always choked on taco buneo,,,always...its gone tho,,nurotin fix? who knows

WARNING: pictures of my injury= not for the faint hearted,,pics are very grapic,,i cant stand to see them,,but its the harsh reality,,i MUST face it, skin -is a issue and its scaring me -
POST=
well,,, i SAY nurotin is a good thing,,but now,,im not so sure,,im sleeepy all the time,,i did not blog this weekend b/c i was asleep the whole friggin time, and its monday i gotta go out to morton to schedule an appt w/dr Kusi,,and fill my nurotin prescript,,,,im sleepy and omg i have to stay going.......ug
im back with mission accomplished and OMG Morton- comprehensive health care for the pppl like me - is so damn great,, thank god i ended up out there,,where ppl actually care about your ass! i never realized i was getting such shitty medical service and all with attitude,,damn,,i was PAYING FoR THAT,, now god,,these pll actually care about me,,the actully know me there now- and treat me kindly - and i do seem to like that, they are very efficient too,,
im tried,,i took a Darvon,,id been out for days just no energy to go get um,,so i went "out- of -absolute ' NEED " this AM - im so damn tired now,,_OH i hurt my arm,,i very easily hurt myself BAD BAD bad,,i accidental just barely swiped it along the doorway and LOOK,,its hideous,,im a little worried,,now i have no skin,,what am i gonna DO? I'm scared about this,,i may have nightmares now about all my skin falling off or pealing off,,ICK =STOP!
pictures if you dont believe how think my skin is,,its not natural,,something is wrong,,

lucky- the second storm we escaped by a hair- closecall- feel real sorry for the "east"
of us -they are getting hit w/snow and tornadoes.......
today is sunny but cold-,,im exhausted now and its only 10.30..but ive been up from 5.30-must......go..........l a y down 4 now-......ZZzzzzzzz
Im back up,,i awoke at 1.30pm and feet were painful for at least an hour before normal set-in.
im out of it,i have bad ba splitz on alot of my finger tips and i thought if stay away from water on my hands it would help,,,nope - i get those splits n my finger tips nl matter what,
hell,,im gonna take a pic =

these splits will wake me up from a sound sleep middle of the nite,,i MUST get vasiline or some kind of oil on them - to stop the pain -they can reallly cause some serious pain- ive had these splits as long as RA ( i think its part of my RA somehow)

<- THE SKIN ON MY BODY IS so paper thin and delicate, that the slightest bump turns into what you see in these pictures of my forearms- i cant believe how its getting worse,its the prednisone,imsure,,right? im pleased we all are analyzing and this crazy RA and all... my issue is atophy and how i want to exersize but afraid of damage? to my hip area that is falling apart.... i weigh 112 pounds,,my NORMAL weight is 120,,b/c I'm 5'5" tall,, but shrinking now that i am getting older haha,,(46-ALMOST 50)
~THIS RA has been w/me for 6 full years now,, i know it by heart,,i can say this with most experenced confidence= heres the scoop on RA.... ITS a mystery,,its unpredictible-thats IT!
~ its unpredictible ~ and no telling what will trigger on a flare,,
ME= personally ive been in a flare with the diagnose,,, i mean,,i never ever had a unpainful day- (except ONE day in 6 yrs) i am always getting attacked every nite at sleep,,i do have very very active RA and im as "hyper"active as they come-i love to exercise and move and be limber,,but all i do is sleep / its all i feel like doing- ~i only have enuff energy to do about 4 hours of things then i have to lay down from -elbows -hips and -feet and -hands hurting and -spine (the occipital all down to shoulderblades area) ~i cant grip too tight on anything or my knuckles in my hands feel like they are getting squished ,OUCHY! ~i also must say,,this is the third month now w/out a DOT-come ON now!!! i'm way to young for menopause,, but i do believe thats whats going on here ..my moods are so delicate,,i cry over a commercial - or barack's speech's ,,sad but GLAD, no more tampons -they cost a fortune anyways,,and OH da pain of alllll those years of cramps,,,,,,gone,,bye bye,OK!. i think its why ive been real anxiious and weird lately- I AGREE w/the post/comment about needing to exercise-,i have a gazelle exerciser,,thats just propped up against the wall,,damn it,,im gonna have kelly help me get it standing up and by the TV and i will at least do the gazelle,,,its pretty safe,, (borrowed from friend jennifer when she offered cuz shes not using it) its actully pretty fun. i stay so buzy when i can-then i sleep so i can get going again,,,
i am sleeping 16 hours eery 24,,thats bad, but i cannot helpit or control it,,i just lay down and sleep,no matter what,,its unstoppible at 10.-11.00 am i shut down and i just have to go lay down untill about 3.00pm-so then i go thru all that pain again, waking up so i can run downtown to pickup kell,

<---me RIGHTNOW -not feeling a.ll good,,as i haveNOT feltreally very good for daze aND DAYS....my elbows HURT my feet HURT!why whywhy,,never stops,,,
MY nUROTIN PILLS ARESTILLGREAT,,THEY work great- no more burning sensation in hands and feet,,,NO RELIEF for my own ass tho,,how long have i said,,i cant sit onmy own ass? its been like about a year or so,,they(pelvic bones where legs go in,,,,are SO EFFING BAD,,this is why i have atophy there,,,, ive been paying attn to that areasands streach it and try to get limber,,but the pain tells me to stop,so,,im confussed,,dr said to exersise,,and ..well,,?im confussed,ohwell,,


wed,,trashday! 4bags today,,LOL (obsessed w/garbageday)

sunday=better, much better as in weather,,attitude and everything-i did sleep until 8.0 am =which i never do,,,late to take my pills ,,until noon or 1 pm i was dis-cumbobulated-funni word want to use it. im feeeling much better now tho,,our brother Tony stopped on by yesterday,,i should have taken pics- but we had to hurry, he needed to get on home---we made him stay for a while a sit in the" green chair" in the "bridge"-AKA computer room-hehe,, all this after i went out to shawnys to se the kids...bring Bday gift ,and get on home,,,i was so tired by say,,,5.00pm,
that my hips went outbad,,i could not walk after a while i HAD to go to bed,,i did,,i slept untilllate when Tony called and said"hey,im just down the st,,,whatcha doin?i said,,Come on by and see us!.got up and thats that,, we slpt like logs lert nite and about to go log out RIGHT NOW
10-40-over and Out! =\
back,,,,forgot,,,patches from 1 800 quitnow came YESTERDAY so i quit again,,yep,,,no biggy,, this is day 2 -

its saturday! and weather looks good,, nice and warm today,,kellys stillsleepin,i made coffeee ansd im back here to kill time - i dont think tony called last nite and that SUX ina Great big way,,,Ohwell,,heshould call today! went to bed late last nite BUT slept almost great,,,,wokeup a few x's\ IM UPi feelOK,,pillsarekickiin in,,,,(prednisone and davon)
today is gona sux ,,bc kellys in a BAD MOOD(about the fith time shes calledme a freak,,guess thats whatshe really thinks,,im gonna go open a BEER and drink it,,i dont even drink,really
here goes a perfect day, wasted. in tears.